


Scared

by orphan_account



Series: Scared AU [1]
Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John isn't doing well, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, This isn't happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 49,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27215332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 'No, Johnny boy, you don't have to be scared'Where Paul, a psychologist, gets to know a damaged boy by the name of John and eventually fall in love with him
Relationships: Brian Epstein & John Lennon, Brian Epstein & Paul McCartney, Cynthia Lennon & John Lennon, John Lennon & Mimi Smith, John Lennon & Paul McCartney, John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Series: Scared AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106312
Comments: 133
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this for a long time and I finally did it.  
> It's short, but I hope to continue it!

Paul McCartney anxiously entered the big building he was going to work in from then on.

He entered, feeling extremely overwhelmed by everything, but smiled nevertheless at the man, his boss, waiting for him at the reception desk.

He was a man in his mid-30s, with slicked back dark brown hair.  
He was wearing a nice light grey suit and his eyes were kind looking.

When Paul was close enough, he smiled and stuck out a hand for him to shake.

"I'm Brian Epstein, the boss of Liverpool Institute. If you don't mind, I will show you around and tell you the few main rules of the place" he said, all business-like, but also kindly.

Paul smiled, shaking the extremely soft hand and already liking his new boss.

"I'm Paul, Paul McCartney" Brian nodded, already knowing this, but passing it as first day anxiety.

They started walking to the staircase, quickly getting on the first floor, where all the therapy rooms were and where the patients who only stayed in the day time usually spent their day.

The walls were full of drawings, Paul getting lost looking at a few of those fascinated.

There was one that instantly caught his eye. It was a very neat looking portrait of a grass field.

It was so good that the grass looked real.

"This was made by one of the most talented boys in the institute," said Brian, sounding like a proud father.

Paul hummed, eyes scurrying around the various drawings, before posing on Brian, "Also" said the man, seemingly deep in thought, "That boy will be your key patient. You will take care of him while he's here during the day"

At that, Paul gulped a bit anxiously. That was his very first real patient he would have to deal with.

That wasn't school, but real life.

Before he could dwell too much on it, though, Brian had already walked down a hallway, and Paul had to run to catch up.

"I'm gonna tell you a bit more about him, so you will know how to act around him and also his needs and routine" explained Brian, standing in front of a door.

"Every patient, even if only here at daytime, has an assigned room with a bed and a few of their things" he explained, "Since they often have conditions that might require a calm, secluded place like…" he looked at Paul with a raised brow and the younger man quickly jumped in action, "Like meltdowns or panic attacks" he quickly said and smiled when Brian nodded, "You seem very good. Well, we only get the best here"

"Okay, about the patient: his name is John Lennon and he's 23 years old"

'Oh, almost like me' thought Paul, feeling his heartbeat a little bit more. He was more at ease with someone young, it was easier for him to bond.

"He supposedly suffers from severe brain delay. We don't really know what's wrong with him, but sometimes he acts like he's not here, like, like, he's in a catatonic state" said Brian, slowly opening the door, "While sometimes he can have violent behaviour like yelling and hurting himself by scratching his arms or banging his head. He needs to be calmed down and stabilised when like that"

The room was lit by the sun coming from the open window and Paul's eyes stopped on a boy curled up in bed.

Next to him, a woman was gently caressing his hair, "Shhh, Johnny, it's all right" she was whispering and Paul noticed that the boy was whimpering and lowly moaning in discomfort.

"What seems the problem, Mrs.Smith?" 

Paul turned to look at Brian, who had gotten closer to the bed.

"Oh, nothing, he's a bit fussy" said the woman, "Probably a bit anxious to meet his new caretaker. Aren't you, love?" He said, ruffling his hair.

Brian then turned to look at Paul, "Well, are you going to stand there all day?" 

The dark haired man blushed, stumbling into the room with some apologising and making the two adults smile slightly.

The woman was tightly holding the boy, your patient, pointed out uselessly Paul's brain.

He didn't look like he had acknowledged anyone, only whimpering in a broken tone.

"Mrs. Smith, this is Paul. He will be John's main caretaker" 

Paul's smiled, sticking out a hand to shake and the woman took it with half a smile, "Nice to meet you, I'm Mary, but believe me, if this young man" she gave a slight pat to the boy's backside, making him squeal, "will ever talk to you, he will call me Mimi. So please, call me like that. This is my nephew, John. C'mon sweetie, say hi" she said, looking down.

McCartney was met by the most breathtaking eyes he had ever seen.

John's eyes were a warm brown, with a few hints of blue shining in them. They were slightly almond shaped, giving him an oriental look. They were also framed by rather long eyelashes.

His pale face was a bit chubby, his cheeks freckles and rosy.

He was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

He gulped, his eyes couldn't stop looking at his new patient.

John, probably because he was started at, started making a weak sounding noise, twisting himself from his curled up position and rolling on his other side.

Mimi giggled, one hand carding through the soft auburn hair, that looked so thick and soft Paul wanted to pass his hands in it.

'Shake out of it, McCartney, he's your patient' he scolded himself, shaking his head internally.

He shouldn't think weirdly of his patients.

"Sorry, he doesn't like to be watched" explained Mimi, gently pulling John up until he was sitting up with his back against the headboard.

Paul immediately noted his faraway look. He was staring at the wall without really looking at it. His eyes looked dull.

Mimi and Brian shared concerned gazes, "He's still in a catatonic state. Hasn't snapped out of it yet"

"Is there something I should make him do while he's like this to help him snap out?" asked curiously the newbie. If he had to be John's main caretaker he wanted to know if there were things he could do to also help him.

"Not really. Try to stimulate him somehow. With some food, some games, drawing, music. It's extremely hard to pull him out of it completely, but enough for him to engage in some basic activities" said Brian, sadly looking at the still auburn haired boy.

"Anything else that I need to know? If he stays like this for long, he will need to eat, no?" 

Mimi bit her red lip, "I usually spoon-feed him and use a sippy cup to push some liquids into him. He's also wearing a nappy when he reaches such a state"

Paul gulped; he knew how to change nappies, a bit because of his extended family and cousins and a bit because of the courses he had to take.

But John, John was a real human being, someone he could even find friendship with.

But obviously he was the caretaker of him. Of such a complex and interesting young man.

After a while, Mimi needed to go to work, leaving the three men alone.

"Well, Paul, I leave you to your job then" said Brian, also going away.

Paul gulped, looking at John.

For the first time, their eyes met and Paul smiled.

John smiled back, making a warm sensation from into the caretaker's chest, spreading through his body.

He was ready.


	2. Chapter 2

The second day of work, Paul didn't know what to expect when he entered John's room.

He had brought with him his guitar and also his camera, hoping to make John more involved in the therapy session. He hoped to get some paintbrushes, paint and canvas in the art room.

He knew that some of John's hobbies, when not in a deep catatonic state, were painting, listening to music and taking pictures, so he hoped to strengthen their bond using those things.

He could only hope.   
Behind those light brown eyes, that looked so dull and sad all the time, Paul knew there was a very smart young man.

He also knew that John wasn't stupid or any mentally delayed like most people thought he was.

The only people aside for Paul who didn't treat John like a stupid little kid were Brian and Mimi.

When he finally entered the room, it looked like a tornado had passed through it.

John was standing in the middle, throwing things around. The most scary thing, though, was the loud screams coming from the boy.

Paul gulped. He looked so upset. 

"John...John, what's wrong?" 

He kept on shouting, hands gripping his hair tightly and tugging, his whole body trembling.

Paul's body acted on automatic, remembering what his teacher had taught him, while also Brian's words resounded through his brain.

'If he acts violently, grab him and hold him until he calms down. No restraints such as tying him to the bed, it will only make him more aggressive and scared'

He quickly acted to calm his patient down, not wanting him to hurt himself any further.

He grabbed him, holding his body against him. McCartney had to keep himself from doubling over a few times as some hard kicks hit him and fingers scratched his skin.

Gradually, John's struggles quieted down, his screams turning into whimpers.

"Shhh, John, you're all right. Breath with me, John love, in and out. In and then out" they went through some more breathing exercises until he was breathing normally again.

Paul was right regarding his hair, it was really soft. He was lost into looking at the soft auburn locks, until John's eyes looked up at him.

They held gazes and Paul's heart was bursting in happiness at that. It meant that John was starting to thrust him.

Slowly, they untangled themselves from their hug and Paul decided to introduce him to some of the activities he had decided to make him do.

First, he laid over the table in the bedroom a large newspaper and some blank sheets of paper. Along with it, there were several tubs of paint and brushes.

John's eyes widened and he quietly walked towards the items, looking at Paul with hopeful eyes.

"Yes, John, I want you to sit down and paint" said the therapist with a smile.

John gave him a shy small smile as he sat cross legged on the floor.

Paul quietly sat next to him, staring at him, calculating his next move.

John picked a paintbrush, before shaking his head and posing it down. He grabbed the paint tubes and squeezed them into the palette, gradually adding more colours.

He then sank his index and middle fingers into the paint and started dragging it across the sheet, making long lines appear.

It was fascinating, seeing John's concentrated look as he kept fingerpaint.

It was something Paul had seen therapists do only to children, but he saw that John looked very interested in it.

Paul peered up from his shoulder and had to keep in a gasp.

It was a beautiful landscape, the sky a beautiful purple colour. Some blackbirds were flying around.

It was incredible how he did that only with his fingers.

He looked at the man's face, seeing the satisfied expression on his face.

"This is very beautiful, John, really" he complimented. John smiled, his smile looked so hopeful and cute, making Paul's heart beat faster.

He was so cute. He loved him. 

But it was wrong. John was his patient.

"Okay, should we wash your hands?" asked Paul, noticing the disastrous state those hands were.

John looked down at them, before nodding and letting Paul drag him up and to the bathroom.

Paul stood next to him while he washed away the paint.

He stared at Paul from the mirror as he rubbed clean his hands and then, Paul's eyes caught something that made his skin crawl.

Scars. A various, intricate web of scars were running up and down his wrists.

He tried to not stare, but John must have seen it, because he quickly froze in his spot.

He quickly pushed the sleeves down, staring at Paul without even breaking eye contact once.

Paul gulped, "Why, John?" he asked cautiously.

A shrug.

"Why, John love? You know you can trust me, right?" softly said the dark haired boy, taking John's hands in his own.

The soft hands trembled in the contact, but Paul was happy to see him not try to break free.

His big eyes were pleading, like they said 'please, please help me' and Paul was more than ready to help that talented boy to express himself.

"Kids were teasing me and calling me bad names"

It was whispered so lowly that Paul at first thought he had imaginated it.

John's soft voice was laced with pain and regrets, his eyes quickly filling with tears.

"They kept saying I was retarded and should die and that I pissed myself -I swear it happened only one time- and that my mummy and daddy hated me, that's why they didn't want me anymore" 

John was starting to hyperventilate, his voice breaking and sweat starting running down the side of his head.

"John, John, calm down" immediately said Paul, running the cold water tap and wetting his hand, quickly refreshing John's face too.

"You have to relax, John. Take a deep breath" he guided him through the breaths, until he was calm again.

"Better?" he concernedly asked. John nodded, before sniffling slightly.

"Mr. McCartney?"

"Oh, call me Paul, please. Mr McCartney is my father" said quickly the therapist with a smile and John smiled too.

God, how Paul loved that smile.

He had known John for only a day and half and yet, he absolutely loved him and would battle everyone who would try to harm him.

John's cheeks coloured red and his eyes fell to the floor as he bit his bottom lip.

Paul's hand nudged him to stop biting and both their faces reddened at the contact, before Paul took away his hand like he had been burnt.

"Can...Can you hug me like before? It...it calms me" said John, face growing incredibly red.

Paul was shocked by the request, but he smiled warmly and nodded.

He had gathered enough information in the short time they've known each other to know how touch starved John was. 

Aside from his aunt, he wasn't sure how many people hugged John on an almost daily basis.

He opened his arms and John smiled, timidly walking to him and getting into his arms.

The dark haired man quietly held him close to him, noticing he was just a little bit taller than John.

His body seemed to fit perfectly into his, so soft and huggable.

"Thank you" whispered John, voice muffled by the material of Paul's turtleneck.

Paul smiled, resting his head on top of his, "You're welcome John" he whispered, his eyes landing over the painting of the blackbirds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!  
> Comments really keep me going, so please leave your opinion in the comments :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the nice comments on the previous chapter!

Paul was satisfied with his job. He loved it.

One day, while he was sitting in the doctors' lounge, looking at the therapy schedule for John, Brian had gotten close to him.

"Oh, Paul, here's the man I was searching for" he exclaimed and Paul looked up from his papers to look at him.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked immediately, gulping, but was met by Brian's laughing.

"No, no, quite the contrary" he said, still chuckling.

At that, the younger man raised his head a little, "Oh?"

"Yeah, I was here to talk about John and his therapy session. Wow. It's the first time I've ever seen him so cooperative" he said.

"What, really?" 

"Yes. It's like a transformation. He went from a difficult, almost delusional boy to a completely new one"

Paul couldn't help the smile forming over his face.

It was true. He hadn't been his doctor for long, but John had changed immensely.

He had made huge improvements. Sure, there were still times where he was in a deep catatonic state, but the times he was more participating and active were growing as the days passed.

"Well, I leave you to it, then" said Brian, patting Paul's shoulder with a smile.

Paul smiled and walked away, ready to do something new he hoped would catch John's attention and interest.

When he entered the room, he smiled at the scene.

John was on Mimi's lap, looking very happy as he talked to her about something he couldn't hear.

Mimi was smiling and nodding along, one hand rubbing the boy's back.

When they heard the door close, John quickly spinned around to see who it was, making a happy little shriek at Paul's sight.

Paul chuckled, "Hello, John. How are you today?" he asked, walking closer to the bed and sitting on the chair in front of the desk.

John smiled and Paul felt his heart melt. He was so cute and sweet. 

The way his eyes lit up at the simple thing that was looking at him and how dimples would form on his cheeks.

He was so gentle and radiant all the time.

"I'm okey dokey" cheered the boy, not looking away from his doctor.

Paul could feel a blush raise to his cheeks and he coughed a little, messing around with his papers. Anything to not look into those eyes.

He would only get lost in them.

"Alright, love, I have to go to work. We'll see each other at 4, okay?" said Mimi, getting up from the bed and gently kissing his forehead, before going away with a last sweet smile to Paul.

The two were left alone and Paul dared to look at John.

He was still sitting on the bed, slightly rocking back and forth. He looked like he was slowly sinking into a catatonic state.

The time spent with him had made him slowly learn every sign of a catatonic episode.

He would slowly start to dissociate. His eyes would start to look dull and distant. He would start to not answer when talked to, wouldn't engage in anything.

He would simply stay as still as humanly possible, even for long periods of time.

"What do you want to do, John?" asked Paul.

No answer.

"John?"

Still no answer.

John's look had gotten dull and sad.

Paul sighed, getting up.

It pained him a lot to see John so helpless.

"Johnny?" he said, kneeling down next to him and posing a hand on his shoulder.

John's body started shuddering, his breath coming out in harsh puffs.

His hand creeped up to his hair, a fist tangling in the soft auburn locks.

He tugged harshly, a whine escaping his rosy lips.

Paul, alarmed, quickly tugged his hand away, "Sweetie, no! Don't do that!"

John's big puppy eyes looked up at him, it was a heartbreaking sight.

Paul softly passed his hand in his hair, making soft shushing sounds.

He couldn't understand what happened. He had passed from being very excited and happy to be sad and almost nonverbal.

He wasn't in a catatonic state, though, because if he was, he wouldn't have reached out to him like that.

But something was surely wrong. Paul couldn't pinpoint it and the thing was upsetting him.

No matter how many times he had asked him, John wasn't answering.

Only shuddering sobs and whines were coming out of his mouth.

"I...I want Mimi" he whimpered, curling himself further. He put his head on his knees and stared at Paul intently.

Paul held eye contact, while also trying to comfort him.

"She's gonna return soon, John"

"Not true, it's only 10 in the morning and she won't be back until 4 this afternoon" whimpered the boy, fat tears blubbering from his eyes.

"I know, but if we do something, time will fly faster" answered Paul.

John's mood swings could be very brutal and sudden. Also his abandonment issues.

Mimi had explained to him how John was afraid to be left by everyone he loved.

He told Paul that John was starting to grow fond of him and he wouldn't stop talking about all the good things Paul was making him do at therapy.

Paul was very proud of the improvements and also he couldn't deny he was growing fond of the auburn haired one.

No, he wouldn't leave him. He wouldn't fail him. He would make him feel happy.

John hesitantly nodded, uncurling himself slightly and letting Paul see his face more clearly.

"Can you make a smile? I want you to show me the biggest smile you can do" said the dark haired man, softly prodding one of his cheeks. He was so surprised at the smootheness of his skin.

It was like touching a little child's cheek.

John slowly smiled, the smile growing more and more, until he was giggling.

"C'mon, let's see what we can do, okay?" gently said Paul, helping him up.

He sniffled, rubbing his eye from tears and getting up. 

With a soft squeeze of the hand, Paul walked him to the table with the assortment of activities.

"Oh, I want to listen to this!" shrieked John, holding up a record.

It was Elvis's Jailhouse Rock. Paul liked it, and was surprised to see John liking it too.

"You like Elvis?"  
"I love Elvis! He's so cool" said John, bouncing on his feet from the excitement.

Paul put the record on the turntable, delicately putting down the needle and seeing John sit himself down on the carpet in front of it.

He looked like a child on Christmas Day, he was sitting legs crossed, with his elbows on his knees and his head propped up by both hands, singing along with the songs.

Paul, sitting over the desk, was watching him with a smile and a warm feeling in his heart, noting every emotion and reaction of John regarding music stimulation, leaving for John's happy carefree smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked, leave a comment with your opinion!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on the previous chapter!  
> This is a bit shorter, hope you like it anyway! Updates might be a bit slower from now on, hope you don't mind.  
> This was more of a filler chapter, because from next there will be angst, angst, angst!

Paul entered his patient's bedroom with a smile, happy to start.

He had a guitar strapped to his back and his arms were full of music sheets.

He was excited to talk and play music with John.

Two days before, the last time he had seen him, John sounded eager to hear him play and to sing along to some of Elvis's songs.

Paul had decided that music and painting were the most efficient methods for John to express himself.

He found out pet therapy wasn't something the young man was fond of, especially if dogs were involved.

He had said, though, that Paul's big sheepdog, Martha, was cute with all that long shaggy fur and big dangling tongue.

Paul had promised that one day they would take her out for a walk in the park together. So John could enjoy the fresh air and Paul see how he reacted to crowded places such as the park.

The boy had sounded very happy and even made the therapist pinky promise him.

But that day, something was surely different.

When Paul entered the bedroom, he saw Mimi. Not a weird sight, obviously, because Mimi was always there before his arrival.

He then noticed John.

Paul had to gulp. He looked dead.

John was sitting in bed, completely still. His big brown eyes, usually lit by a spark of enthusiasm and almost childish curiosity and joy, looked dim.

Upon his arrival, the woman turned around, looking at him with pain in her eyes.

"It's a bad day" she said softly, one hand never leaving the back of the auburn haired man.

John was breathing softly, his chest moving was the only movement of his body, aside for blinking and breathing.

It was almost a scary sight, and suddenly Paul was filled with discouragement.

All the progress they have gone through, puff, disappeared.

But then Paul decided it wasn't worth to dwell on it. He was there, ready to pick up John's broken pieces again.

Mimi gently cradled John a little, "He has been like this until early this morning. I'm not sure what the trigger was, but I think his uncle is probably what has triggered him" she explained softly, looking very conflicted.

"His uncle?"

"Yes, his uncle, my husband. Today would have been his birthday and John misses him terribly. I miss him too, eh, don't take me wrong, but with John's fragile mentality" she trailed off, looking into the distance with a sad expression.

Oh, Paul could understand perfectly. He had lost his own mother, back when he was only 14. It was then that he had decided he wanted to become a therapist. To help people cope with their traumas.

He didn't say anything, only nodded as she got up from the bed, left a gentle kiss and bye to John before starting to walk out.

She stopped in her track, turning to look at Paul, "Try to spoon feed him something. Nothing heavy, though, or he will throw up. I've packed a sippy cup and some nappies too, because when he's like this he isn't in full control of his body" she said, giving him a last smile before going away.

The day was passing slowly.

Paul missed terribly John's laughter. His enthusiasm, his eyes looking so happy and hopeful.

He missed tucking John in bed when he was exhausted, just an hour or so before he had to go away.

He missed all of this.

He didn't have much to do. He mostly sat on the desk chair, doodling over some paper, sometimes playing something on the guitar.

He had hoped that maybe, with music, John would get happier.

Almost like a switch, he hoped he would come to life.

His eyes would lit up and he would show Paul that pretty pretty smile he was able to do.

Instead, all he got was silence.

"Johnny, please, talk to me" he pleaded, but was met by nothing. John was still as still as a statue.

Paul sighed, getting up from the chair with a stretch and groan. After posing down the guitar, he walked to John.

He got to the side of the bed, softly moving his body, stretching him a little and changing his position.

John wasn't paying any attention to him. He was simply emptily staring at the wall in front of him with dead-looking eyes.

Paul's movements stopped abruptly at the slight hissing sound coming from the boy.

His doe eyes posed over his face.  
Nothing. Emptiness like before.

His face coloured red as he understood what had just happened.

He grabbed the bag Mimi had packed him, getting out a rather thick disposable nappy and some wipes, along with cream and talcum.

Paul couldn't help but blush as he laid John down on his back, timidly taking off his trousers and wet nappy.

He exhaled deeply, still feeling a little embarrassed, but not so much anymore.

He had done that before, even on eldery men and women, much to his embarrassment, plus John didn't have anything he didn't have.

He was glad John wasn't even reacting, knowing that if he was in any coherent state they wouldn't even be in that predicament in the first place.

He tried hard not to look, but his eyes inevitably had slipped down there a few times. 

Though he did fancy John and thought he was very good looking, he knew it wasn't fair at all to take advantage of his condition and current mental state.

Little he knew that John had fallen head over heels over his sexy doctor the very first time he had seen him, even if he didn't act on it because he thought Paul would only laugh at him and think of him as a loon.

When the nappy was finally snugly close around his hips, Paul released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

After the nappy change, Paul had simply fed him some oatmeal he had asked the canteen to prepare for him, before sitting next to the window.

John was snuggly curled up in his arms, head posed on the other's shoulder, simply trying to match his breaths to the doctor's ones.

Paul was happily passing his hand through his soft auburn hair, gently murmuring the words of a song he had tried to write recently in a spark of motivation.

But right now, his focus was one hundred percent over the precious boy on his lap.

Even if he wasn't able to fully pull him out from his catatonia, Paul felt like he did something good nevertheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, I love reading them :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments on the previous chapter!

John was really trying to snap out of the miserable condition he had gotten into.

His whole body was feeling clammy, his heart was beating too quickly into his chest and his breath was coming out harshly.

"I'm scared" he whimpered, widening his eyes as he got warmer in his lower body.

He tried to move, to call for help, but he couldn't.

His chest was feeling heavy, his heart was now pounding into his ears. He couldn't talk. His mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out from it.

Fear clawed at him and he screamed. He screamed and screamed, but no sound came out from his mouth.

Mimi was woken up by a frightening scream coming from down the hall.

She scrambled out of bed, slipping on her robe and running out of the bedroom.

She bursted into the bedroom, looking at her nephew in bed.

John was thrashing in bed, eyes wide and loud screams coming from him.

"Oh, Johnny, John love, calm down! Calm down" Mimi was desperate, John was going into a panic attack.

Slowly, the boy calmed down, gripping Mimi's arm tightly, eyes wide and feverish; his screams were slowly tapering off, but he still looked scared beyond relieve.

He looked up at her like a kicked puppy, eyes wide and teary and Mimi kept on softly shushing him.

John whimpered, making a high pitched noise and Mimi softly sighed, "Are you hurt anywhere?" she asked.

It had happened before that John, trying to snap himself out of any bad mental place he was in, had inadvertently hurt himself by maybe banging his limbs around or hitting his head.

Often, though, he would develop headaches and migraines or his stomach would badly hurt.

"My belly hurt, but…" he trailed off, face and ears colouring red and Mimi understood.

His deep upsetting had made his bowels churn, but he was too embarrassed to do anything about it.

He tried to raise himself, but his body was too shaky, his legs giving out his weight and he stumbled back in bed.

Mimi gently rubbed his sweaty back, "You can go in your nappy, love" she reassured.

He had been wearing them during the night for a long time now, actually he never got out of them during nighttime.

John curled up in himself, trying to make himself smaller, face growing more red. After a short time, he timidly opened his eyes and looked at his aunt.

Without needing any word, Mimi quickly cleaned him up, softly cooing to try to take his mind off of what had just happened.

"C'mon, sweetie, you need to sleep if you want to go to the centre tomorrow," said gently the woman, tucking the covers around John's soft body.

John smiled sleepily, rubbing one eye, "Of course I want to go" he said.

Mimi sat herself at the side of the bed, softly stroking his head, letting him ramble on and on about whatever he was doing at the facility.

"Tomorrow Paul has promised to take me out to the park" he mumbled sleepily, nestling himself further into the warm covers, "And I want to date him" 

"You want to date him?" Mimi wasn't really surprised. She didn't think John knew what sexuality was, but she knew for sure he knew what erotic love and what sex was.

And regardless, she didn't care if he was attracted to a man. Paul was a good man and she knew he was going to treat her nephew rightly.

John made a soft agreeing sound, eyes only half open, "I do. He's so pretty" he said, yawning, eyes closing.

The curly haired woman smiled, leaning down to kiss the side of his head, before walking away, hoping John wouldn't get his heart crushed.

Meanwhile, Paul was planning the activities to make John do the next day.

He didn't know if John would be in a mental space well enough to go out for a walk, which, though, by rules, couldn't last more than 20 minutes.

Regardless of his mental space, he would do music therapy.

He knew John was a great music lover, and he also learnt that music calmed him down when in an upset state.  
Even if catatonic, music would help him lose his muscles from their tensed state.

He bit his lips, imagining the discomfort John must have felt after long periods of sitting in the same position, all tensed up and unmoving.

So classical music could make him improve a lot, relax his body and make him calmer.

Paul yawned, looking at the clock and deciding it was time for some shut eyes.

That night, he dreamt of soft kisses and soft auburn hair and the most beautiful almond shaped brown eyes.

John was in a Mood.

It wasn't one of his usual moods, though. 

He wasn't overly happy, with undefined naivety and smiles for everyone.

But he wasn't sad and mopey either, feeling dread crawling beneath his skin and tears ready to escape.

He wasn't even catatonic.

He was very hyped and moved all the time. He was happy, yes, but he couldn't explain why.

Usually, the source of his gladness would have been the morning cartoons Mimi put on for him in the small television in the kitchen.

Or maybe some yummy breakfast she had prepared.

Today, though, that gladness had turned into a restless, jambling mess.

"John, c'mon, you'll get jam all over your face if you don't stay still" laughed Mimi, reaching over with a napkin.

John grinned, obediently letting his aunt wipe the jam off of his smooth chubby cheek.

They were having breakfast together like every other morning into the small kitchen at their house in Mendips.

Some scones with jam, cereals and two big cups of tea with milk, like they were used to.

John was very habitual, not liking change in programs.

Mimi and George, her beloved husband, had made him get tested for autism when he was a child.

The results had come back negative, though, only showing the already known mental delay that had been resulting since he was little.

Many people had bad mouthed John throughout his life.

People saying he was retarded, that he didn't understand anything, that he was too innocent for this world.

Mimi had fought with all her energy for that.

The woman absolutely hated her sister for what she did to John.

Julia didn't want her son and so she had done irreparable damages to the poor creature who hadn't done anything wrong.

It was exhausting, it really was. Many times she had felt drained and ready to burst into tears because people were too thick to understand.

But John, with his chubby freckled face and that sweet joyous smile and those beautiful eyes and his sweetness and love, was enough to fuel her motivation to protect him against the harsh horrible world.

It was all worth it in the end.

When John spotted Paul, he ran towards him, calling him happily.

Paul just had the time to pose down what he was holding that John had jumped in his arms.

The dark haired man laughed, squeezing John's body close, making the younger man smile softly and coo.

"C'mon, Johnny, Martha is waiting for us to take her out" he said, making John beam and hug Mimi goodbye, running out with Paul in tow.

They decided to go out into a nearby park, Paul letting John hold onto Martha's leash.

The boy was absolutely enthusiastic, even if he usually didn't like dogs.

Paul was looking at him, mentally noting every reaction of his patient.

John looked happy, carefree laughing and running around with the dog. His hair was glowing red under the warm autumn sun, making him look more soft than usual.

Paul jogged slightly to reach him, making him giggle at Paul's being slightly out of breath.

"Thanks for this, Paul" 

Paul turned to look at him, smiling softly.

They were sitting on the edge of a pretty calm lake.

Paul noticed how John's emotions reflected water.

It could pass from completely flat and calm to absolutely stormy water.

Just like that, John's emotions were the same.

"You're welcome, John. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself"

He noticed how close they were sitting. Paul could see the soft curve of his nose, the softness of his thin lips.  
The freckles over his cheeks and nose and the soft dimples on his cheeks.

His eyes were sparkling with luminosity, the brown pools of honey surrounded by long eyelashes. In between the honey colour, blue sparks were also appearing.

Almost like a magnet, Paul started leaning over.

His big eyes fell shut, lips colliding to the soft lips of John.

He could hear a hitched breath before a slight moan.

His eyes snapped open and he jumped back, almost like he had been burned.

He opened his mouth ready to apologise, but was taken aback by John.

"Oh" whispered the auburn haired man, the pads of his right fingers slightly touching his lips.


	6. Chapter 6

Paul had scooted back, looking at John wide eyed.

John was still in the exact same position he was before, the tips of his fingers pressed against his lips.

A stunned expression on his face.

Suddenly, his head snapped up, eyes boring holes into Paul's head as he stared at him deeply.

"J...John, I'm sorry... I don't know what-"

But John only smiled, softly scooting closer.

Paul's eyes were wide in bewilderment as John climbed onto his lap, softly nuzzling his head on his chest.

"Thank you" he whispered, voice muffled by the shirt, "Thank you so much"

Paul's heart was loudly beating into his chest, so hard he was sure John could hear it too.

A smile grew on his face.

He hadn't done it wrong. John seemed happy. He hadn't done it wrong.

John looked up, a big smile decorating his face and soft dimples in his cheeks.

"I dreamt that for so long" he whispered with dreamy eyes and Paul smiled.

"Can I…?" he asked softly and John nodded enthusiastically.

Paul leaned over a little, pressing his lips against the other boy's ones.

John's breath hitched a little, eyes closing softly as he let the older man kiss him.

Once their kiss broke, they rested their foreheads together.

"Paul, I have loved you since the first time I saw you. I dreamt about kissing you for so long...oh god, I think I'm gonna cry" 

John's eyes had gotten teary and Paul quickly acted on it, "Oh, John love, I always thought about how sweet you are. I didn't know if you wanted a relationship with me or...or I don't know" Paul knew he was rambling, but was quickly silenced by John's lips, "Oh, Paul, yes. I want to be in a relationship with you so much"

Reassured, and knowing that John was speaking in a very lucid moment, Paul leaned down, kissing him one more time, before hugging him softly, muttering I love yous to his lips, making John feel like the luckiest man on earth.

A few days had passed after the confession and both men were enthusiastic.

Paul, but also Brian and Mimi, had noticed a deep improvement of John's reaction issues.

The few times he was catatonic at home, in the serious states he used to get, Mimi only had to hold him and probably carry him around a little, reassuring that she and Paul loved him, to help ease his mind.

Of course, John still had some intense catatonic spells and sometimes he couldn't express his emotions in a good way, often bursting in tears, but it was improving nevertheless.

"Paul, I'm so sorry to disturb you at such an hour, but it's John"

When Paul had gotten that call, one late evening, he knew something was wrong.

Mimi had never called him at 9 in the night,   
She never also sounded so concerned.

Paul was instantly more aware of the urgent tone in her voice.

"Mimi, what's wrong?" he asked uncertainty, already pacing around the house.

"Paul, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't urgent, but John is having a real hard time managing stress and anxiety and I don't know what to do. I've tried everything to calm him down, but nothing is working-"

"I'm coming down soon, okay?" said Paul, already walking to the door and getting his coat, shoes and car keys.

He quickly drove down the roads, almost reaching speed limits as he tried to suppress the anxiety rising in him.

What was John feeling that moment?

He arrived quickly to Mendips.

The door was opened by a teary eyed Mimi, who quickly made him enter the house.

"He's here in the living room" she simply said, and Paul nodded, taking off his coat and walking close to the sofa, where an auburn head was peeking from behind.

"John love. Hey, hey, hey, calm down, sweety. I'm here" he softly reassured.

He noticed John's quick breath, how he was trembling and how he looked like a lost puppy.

Paul kneeled next to him, grabbing one of his hands slowly to not spook him, and posing it on his chest.

John, upon hearing the steady heartbeat under his hand, quickly seemed to relax.

He scooted closer, "Paul, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...it's just..." he was stuttering, face growing incredibly red.

He looked down, his soft hair falling over his face to cover his eyes. Paul's eyes followed and his face also grew red at the sight.

John had gotten an erection.

"John, I…"  
"I was thinking about you and I got hard...No, don't worry, I'm not that clueless, I know what it means, I know what sex is" his face was incredibly red, even his ear were red, and he was trying to not burn in shame.

"I know how to wank, it's...it's just I...I didn't think I would get a stiffy about you, that's all…" he said the last part rapidly, in one breath.

"Did Mimi…?"

"No! Well, I think she had seen it...and I think she knows I was thinking about you…" his face had now got another shade of red.

Mimi giggled slightly in the background, "Oh, love. I don't care, really. You're both big boys, you can do whatever you want together, as long as it's all consensual" 

She then smirked, "Now that I'm thinking about it...I really have to go see how my sister is doing, y'know she broke a leg and needs some help around, so... Paul you're welcomed to sleep here...I'm sure you'd know how to take care of my boy…" with a wink, she was gone, leaving the two men very bewildered.

After some awkward silence, John decided to break it.

"So, um, would you help me out with this? Or…?"

"Yeah! Erm, if you want obviously…" Paul had never felt so awkward in his whole life.

On one hand, he really wanted to make love to John, making him feel loved and cared.  
But he wouldn't act if John didn't want to do anything yet.

"I'd love to...if you want obviously…"

They looked at each other and grinned.

Paul then scooped John into his arms and the two walked upstairs, snogging passionately.

Clothes were everywhere, and the small room was filled with harsh breaths and little moans of neediness.

Paul looked down at John, how his hairless chest was already glowing with sweat and soft moon light coming from the window.

John was moaning loudly already and they hadn't started yet, his hands tightly holding onto Paul, pushing him close.

Paul spied the hitchies he had done all over his neck, collarbone and belly, all red and purple.

One of his hands was playing with John's swollen cockhead, teasing the slit before letting it travel down the hard shaft.

"Paul, please…"  
"Please what, baby?" 

"I...I need you… ah, please I want to make love to you, please"

Paul almost came right there on the spot.

He loved John so much.

"Have you ever done it before?" 

John shyly bit his lip, shaking his head, "I never ever touched me down there but maybe once or twice" he admitted, face growing red.

"Love, we don't have to do anything-"  
"No, I want it! I really do, Paul, please! I want you to be my first time" he admitted with a shy smile and a blush over his sweaty face.

Paul grinned, grabbing the lotion he had found in the bathroom, knowing how difficult it could have been without anything to ease the penetration.

But an idea popped in his mind.

He grinned, leaning down and John moaned, thinking Paul was going to blow him.

But Paul bypassed his dick and balls, lips latching to the puckered hole between his soft cheeks.

John's previously closed eyes snapped open at the contact.

It felt so dirty, yet so good.

He became an uncontrolled moaning mess the more Paul showed his tongue into the tight puckered muscles, lapping it up like it was the sweetest candy.

Before he could cum, though, Paul stopped, getting onto his elbows.

John whined, missing the amazing friction, but his whine was cut short and turned into a moan as a greased finger wormed its way into the tight, wet hole.

They were both moaning, John for the incredible new sensation, Paul for the incredible tightness.

He was honoured to be the first one touching John there, being able to make him moan out loud and feel so much pleasure.

When John jerkedly nodded, pain melting into pleasure, Paul eased in a second and then a third finger, always taking his time to spread him open.

Only when he repeatedly hit his prostate, making him absolutely moan out loud, Paul looked up at him, asking with his eyes if he could do it.

"Yeah" mumbled John, eyes glassy and hair plastered to his forehead.

Paul entered him, making John moan in pleasure and pain.

The man on top quickly kissed him, trying to take his attention away from the pain.

"You can move" whimpered out John, smiling at Paul, who softly started to move in and out the tight canal.

Though he wanted to quick the pace, he never did. He didn't want to hurt John in any way.

His objective was giving him as much pleasure he could, repeatedly hitting his prostate.

Finally, with a loud scream, John's back arched and he came loudly and fast, cum spraying all over his and Paul's torsos.

Paul leaned down, kissing him deeply and slowly, trying to pass all his love through that kiss.

He was almost there, John moaning overwhelmed, eyes teary and mouth open, pretty moans spilling from those red lips.

The sight alone was something that could make Paul come. But what pushed him to the brim was John tightening his hole around his cock.

That made it and Paul was moaning, shooting his come deeply into John's rectum.

They stilled for some time, Paul pulling himself out of the now gaping hole, before collapsing against John.

They were both panting, bodies completely slack and sweaty.

John whimpered, turning around and burying himself into Paul's chest.

"How was that?" he tiredly asked. But it was a good kind of tired. A satisfying one.

John grinned, "That was amazing. I love your dick" he muttered, already half asleep.

He sleepily grinned at Paul, leaning up to kiss him one last time, before promptly cuddling back into his chest, falling asleep.

Paul grinned, letting himself sink into unconsciousness, snuggled up his precious boyfriend.


	7. Chapter 7

Soft light filtered through the open window. Birds were chirping happily and Paul was as happy as them.

He had just woken up, a mouthful of soft auburn hair into his mouth.

He shifted slightly, looking down at the boy sleeping in his arms.

John looked so soft in his sleep. His mouth was slightly agape and his body curled up like a cat's.

Paul started caressing his naked back and shifted in bed. Suddenly, his eyes widened.

He looked down, raising up the covers and seeing a large wet spot under them.

The movements woke John up, who yawned and confusedly looked down, following Paul's eyes.

His eyes widened.

"Oh God" he shrieked, jumping up, "Oh God, Paul I'm so sorry! I didn't do it on purpose!" 

Paul looked at him, seeing the tears surfacing into his big brown eyes.

"John, no! Don't worry, love, it's all right" he immediately said, grabbing the other man and hugging him.

They stayed locked into their hug, John cuddled against his chest and Paul gently whispering in the crown of auburn hair.

"I'm still sorry, Paul love" whispered John, moving away from his chest so he could look the other in the eyes.

Paul smiled, leaning down to press a kiss onto his nose, "It's all right, love" he cooed, leaning down to kiss his lips.

"Next time, we will remember to put you into a nappy" he kindly said, brushing away a lock of auburn hair from his forehead.

John blushed even harder, shoulders slumping and eyes glazing over.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled softly. He then got up abruptly, quickly walking to the bathroom.

Paul followed him, only to find the door locked.

"John, please, open the door" said the dark haired one, knocking on the door with a slight sigh.

John's moods were unpredictable, often passing from completely happy to sad.

Since John wasn't opening the door, no matter how much Paul knocked and pleaded and told him everything was alright, he walked downstairs and into the kitchen.

No one was there, but Paul found some pancakes into a plate on the table, together with a card written by Mimi.

The woman had gone to work, trusting Paul to take care of John and bringing him at the facility.

Paul walked back upstairs with a tray, on it there were two mugs of fuming tea and two plates with three pancakes each.

He went to the bedroom, putting down the tray, before walking back to the bathroom to try and bring John out of it.

"John love" he whispered, knocking, "breakfast is ready. Also I told you, I don't think anything less about you just because you wet the bed"

The door clicked open and Paul opened it, quickly entering.

John was curled up into the full bathtub, unmoving.

Paul concernedly got closer, kneeling next to him.

He hesitantly reached over, fingers brushing the soft locks, and John looked at him with a lost expression.

"It's really all right. I'm not disgusted at all. I know it's not something you can control, sweetie. It's alright. I'm here for you, okay?" he said softly, staring into his eyes.

John's face reddened, before he threw his arms around Paul's neck. The man smiled gently, hearing the soft 'I love you' John mumbled in the crook of his neck.

Paul smiled gently, rubbing his wet back, making him giggle slightly.

He walked out and quickly changed the bedsheets, before walking back into the bathroom.

John was splashing in the water, smiling brightly at Paul, who walked towards the tub and resumed his kneeling position.

"D'you want me to wash ya?" he asked, one hand ruffling John's already damp hair.

John giggled, giving him a cloth, "Paulie, what are we gonna do today during therapy?" he asked, humming softly at the soft friction in his hair.

"I can't tell you"

John pouted, crossing his arms and Paul laughed, "Okay okay, I was thinking some painting, if you want"

At that, his expression lit up and he smiled brightly, "Yes!" he shouted excitedly, splashing a bit of water out of the tub.

Paul was happy to see his boyfriend so motivated.

Because as much as he loved him, he was his therapist first; he knew John needed help.

"Okay, love, c'mon let's go" he said, helping him out of the tub.

John meekly let him pick him up and carry in the bedroom, where they quickly ate their breakfast and Paul helped John get dressed.

As much as John was actually able to do things on his own, he very much preferred Paul doing them.

He sat motionless on the bathroom counter, letting Paul brush his hair and gently talking him through everything.

It was peaceful.

And in Paul's mind, nothing looked wrong or weird.

He was going to do everything he could to make his boyfriend happy.

Boyfriend. That word still sent excited shivers through his spine.

He loved John, he really did and was sure that the lad loved him too.

Soon, they found themselves at the clinic, John happily skipping the black tiles of the floor, laughing and twirling in Paul's grip.

Once they were in the room with all the art supplies, John pleaded Paul to put on a record. Paul complied, putting on an Everly Brothers record, much to the younger man's joy.

"Can I have some ice cream?"

"What? You want ice cream?" asked amused Paul.

He was looking at John colouring, seeing how the boy was trying to be as perfect as he could.

"Yes, can I have some?" he asked, looking up with pleading puppy eyes.

Paul smiled, ruffling his hair a little, "Sure, love. What flavour?"

John shrieked excitedly, telling he wanted chocolate, before resuming his painting, tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth.

Paul looked at him eating ice cream and trying to colour at the same time.

It was so chaotic it was cute.

Sometimes, John acted like a child, with his need to be loved and praised and the way he was moving.

Paul had actually seen his medical chart, he knew about the slight mental delay he had, which was caused, apparently, by Julia, his biological mother, drinking through pregnancy and living John homealone when he was just a few months old, which Paul knew could actually make damage in developing babies.

And yet, Paul loved him as a boyfriend. He also knew that John was usually quite lucid and knew what he was doing and what was happening most of the time.

He was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts by John plopping down on his lap, requesting cuddles with a slight pout and Paul had to laugh.

He quickly cuddled him, softly rubbing his face with his knuckles.

John, like a cat, rubbed his cheek against his knuckles, before curling up to fit better into his lap and bury himself in his chest, happily humming in delight.

With a kiss on the top of his head, Paul picked up the rest of his ice cream, eating it peacefully with his beautiful boy on his lap.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for liking it and thanks for all the nice comments!

A small kid toddled over the door.  
He couldn't have been older than 4 or 5, with short auburn hair, slightly longer on top and quite curly, and big slanted light brown eyes.

The small child was standing on his tiptoes, peeking from the door, that was left ajar.

In the hurry of pushing him inside and running out quickly, his auntie Mimi had forgotten to locken it, so John had timidly pushed it open, wanting to know who that woman's voice belonged to.

His already big eyes widened.  
It was his mommy!

Why was his mommy there?

He strained his ear to hear, but he couldn't quite grasp the words.

He finally gathered the courage and slowly walked outside, walking towards the wooden stairs and sitting on one of the steps, listening carefully.

Mimi sighed, stirring the sugar in her cup of tea.  
She slowly looked up, frowning.

Sitting in front of her, her younger sister, Julia, was also drinking tea, looking guiltily at her sister.

"Mary, I can explain-" she started, but was quickly interrupted by the older woman's hand.

"I give you 2 minutes, Julia" she spat out, her dark eyes boring holes into Julia's soul.

The red haired woman sighed.

"Mary, you know I'm not able to take care of a child. Plus, you fully know that John wasn't planned-"

"So wasn't Mater, but mom didn't abandon her" interrupted Mimi.  
"It's different! Mom had dad and they loved each other! I have no one! It's not like Alfred cares about that bastard child of ours!" she said, her voice raising in volume as anger heightened in her.

"Well, then you shouldn't have gone with the first man who has batted their lashes at you, whore!" shouted Mimi, getting on her feet and her fists clenching to her sides.

If Julia was hurt by the comment, she didn't express it.

She just stared at her sister with a blank face, before the corners of her mouth tugged upwards, in what looked more like a snarl then a smile.

"At least" she said, tone incredibly sweet and fake, her eyes twinkling in almost cruel mockery, "My body isn't broken. I can have children, unlike you, love"

Auch, that hurt.

Even George Smith's eyes, who, until now, had just stood to the side without talking, had quickly widened, his gaze falling on his wife's face.

Mimi's face had considerably paled and her body had just frozen in shock.

Her miscarriages were something no one could talk about.

The wound was still too fresh in the couple's memory

Julia's face snapped to the side.  
Her eyes wide, a hand holding her cheek, where a red handprint was already forming.

She looked at her sister in shock, body frozen.

"Go away, Julia. For God's sake, leave us alone! Leave John alone! He deserves to be loved and have someone who loves him, not a woman who only wants to get in bed with everyone and think that her child is just a burden and a mistake!"

She was screaming by now, face red with rage, her eyes wide and breath ragged, as she towered over her sister.

"Shut up! Shut up, Mary! You're right, John is a mistake! A horrible mistake! And yes, when I got recovered to the hospital it was because I did try to abort, but I couldn't! Happy now?"

Julia was also screaming, standing as straight as she could to match the other woman's height.

"I don't want that child. But that doesn't mean I don't care about him."

At that, Mimi scoffed, "You gave him severe brain damage" but Julia ignored her comment, "I didn't leave him, I just gave him to someone who would have loved him more than me. And that someone is you, Mary" tears were streaming down her cheeks now, but Mimi found out that she couldn't feel not even a bit sorry for her younger sister.

She was angry.

She couldn't understand how a mother couldn't care about her child!

It was probably her mind telling her that. She had wished for a child for so long, yet she had to bury all of them before she was even able to hold them or even understand their gender, as small as they were.

Julia quickly left and it was now that Mimi could finally release her emotions.

She quickly walked upstairs, finding John sitting on the stairs, a sad confused expression on his chubby face.

He looked so small and delicate, like a slight push could send him in a million pieces.

Even his clothes were tagged 2 years old. They were small, you could tell they weren't clothes meant for kids as old as John and yet John perfectly fitted in them.

He was as small and delicate as a flower.

"Johnny!" she exclaimed, leaning down a little.  
John started crying, grabbing onto her skirt, bawling his eyes out.

The woman gently picked him up, snuggling him close to her chest, suddenly getting also engulfed in her husband's warm arms.

The little family made its way to one of the bedrooms, sitting on the bed.

George wiping Mimi's tearstained face and the woman also wiping the small boy's tears.

"Mommy no want me?" he sadly asked, stumbling on his own words, looking up at his aunt and uncle with big puppy eyes and quivering lips.

Mimi hugged him tight to her chest, needing to see, to feel, her little boy.

Just some months, and then he was going to legally be hers.

Just some months, and George and Mimi finally could be called parents.

"Johnny I love you" she muttered into the soft tuft of brown auburn hair.

The little boy snuggled into the warmness of his aunt, cuddling into her arms.

"I 'ove you too" he said, grinning up at his auntie.

George grinned, "I love you, boy"

He turned around and smiled at his uncle, "I 'ove you too, uncle!"

They both leaned down to kiss their boy's forehead and quickly hugged together, falling asleep cocooned into family warmness.

Body curled up, stiff and unmoving.

Large eyes glazed over and staring at nothing.

John was deep into a catatonic state. He couldn't move. He couldn't snap out of his state.

Paul was worriedly stroking his head, softly grabbing him from under his arms, pulling him against his chest.

He grabbed his stiff wrists and curled up hands, gently rubbing the boy's hand against his cheek, softly talking to him in a sweet voice.

John wasn't showing any sign of consciousness or awareness.

His breath was coming out in shaky breaths, his body spasming sometimes.

His forehead was clammy and warm and Paul was afraid he might have developed a fever.

"Johnny, look who has arrived" whispered Paul, turning around towards the door.

Mimi had just entered, worriedly looking at John's faraway expression.

"I tried everything" whispered Paul, rocking back and forth the spooked boy.

"He's still catatonic and I don't know what to do. I tried everything we usually do to relax him, but I couldn't" Paul was feeling bad. 

He couldn't help him.

Mimi sighed, "It's not your fault, Paul. Sometimes he reaches such serious conditions…"

McCartney shook his head, "I'm his therapist, I should be able to help him"

Mimi got closer, posing her hand on his shoulder, making him look up, feeling lost.

"It's alright. I know how hard it is to snap him out of his state. I know you're giving all the help you can. But he still has to do a long journey to achieve happiness" she sighed, softly picking the boy up and holding him protectively against her body.

"He looks so soft, like the doll of an angel"

"He does, he has always looked small and delicate" softly whispered Mimi, smiling at the boy in her arms.

John's eyes had softly closed and his breath was slow and face relaxed.

Mimi was cradling him tenderly, but she looked up at Paul with deep brown eyes.

Paul gulped. If he didn't know any better, he would have said she was John's biological mother.

"It's his mother's fault"

"His mother?"

"Yeah. As a child, John also suffered from seizures along with severe speech and movement delay" she said.

She eyed a chair, before moving towards it and carefully sitting on it, perfectly balancing John in her lap.

Her smile was sad, longing, but also a bit angry.

"She drank. She tried to abort him" the creepy sentence was accompanied by a hand gesture.

Paul could feel shivers through his whole body.

How could a mother do that to her own child?

"She failed, but what she did affected John. He was a small child, he didn't start talking correctly until he was in his late 3s and still sometimes have seizures" 

Paul noted that tears were swimming in her eyes and suddenly understood that it hurt more than he thought.

"Well, at least he has you" he whispered, standing up from his chair and walking closer to her.

"At least I have him. I had to bury way too many of my own" at that broken sentence, Paul suddenly understood that Mimi had gone through way more pain and hers was just a façade to not hurt and worry John further.

He posed his hand on her shoulder and she looked up with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Paul dared to lean down, hugging her softly sidley, before looking at the still unconscious boy.

With all the pain John had to endure in the short 23 years of his life, it wasn't so surprising John had such deep trauma.

Paul walked the older woman to the door and to the car, carrying John's backpack while she carried John.

While Mimi was putting him into the backseat, John's dull glazed eyes fell onto his boyfriend and a small smile grew on his lip.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments in the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy! :D

Mimi's hand worriedly brushed back John's sweaty hair.

His eyes looked glazed, his whole face reddened and sweaty.  
He was curled up in bed, unmoving, low whimpers coming from his throat.

"Oh, lovey" whispered the woman, leaning down.

She pressed her lips over his forehead, feeling the growing heat and she concernedly stood up.

Paul was right at telling her that he thought John was sick.

He was actually burning up.

"Love, let's try with a bath, okay?" she asked, even if she knew it was useless.

It wasn't like John could actually hear her. Or better, he couldn't respond.

But it was better to tell him before dropping him into a cold bath, or he would probably, and rightly, react negatively.

She ran the bath, before picking him up and undressing him, gently lowering him down into the cold water.

He gasped, body going through shivers as he let the water lap over his body.

"C'mon Johnny, I need to break your fever, love, it won't take long" comforted the woman, trying to relax the fussing boy.

"Cold" he whimpered just as Mimi picked him back up, wrapping him into a warm big towel.

She was happy to have got some reactions out of him at least.

She professionally dressed him up, putting a nappy on him, knowing his body control when sick and catatonic wasn't that great, before gently cuddling him.

John whimpered a little, "Auntie, cuddles" he whispered, letting the woman scoop him up and bounce him slightly, making him sigh softly as he laid back down into her arms.

She felt like she was back in the early days, when John was just a little boy. When he would search comfort in her arms.

And so she was very happy whenever John would curl up like that in her arms, head tucked under her chin and fists happily shaking in delight.

The soft sighs leaving his lips, the twinkling happy eyes whenever someone would praise him and ruffle his hair.

He was Mimi's happy loved boy.

And now, Paul was there too, ready to shower John with love and affection and made him feel loved and cared for.

Mimi couldn't help but feel grateful for his presence. At least, now John was believing a little more about people loving him and that he wasn't as stupid as he thought he was.

Paul had really brought up all of John's amazing strength.

She kept cuddling him, gently stroking his head until he fell back asleep.

He was still too warm for her likings, but she couldn't do more than press wet compresses over his forehead.

She held him throughout the night, gently soothing him whenever he would wake up panicked and in pain.

Paul had arrived at Mendips shortly after 10, eyes bright and a smile growing on his face as Mimi let him inside.

"What are you holding in that box?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow as she eyed the cartoon box.

Paul grinned, "Nothing, just a little present for John" 

Mimi shrugged, "Well, it's alright than" 

Paul noticed how exhausted she looked, hair untied and wavy over her shoulders and eyes droopy.

He smiled, telling her to go and take a kip, that he would take care of John.

With a grateful, albeit a little reluctant, smile she walked upstairs.

She was a bit disappointed in herself. Back in the day, she would have taken care of John completely alone for the whole night, only to go to work afterwards.

Now, instead, she couldn't help but fall asleep as soon as she walked into her bedroom and in her own bed, after passing the whole night awake by John's cot, taking care of his needs and only dozing off sometimes for short periods.

Paul entered the bedroom quietly closing he door behind himself and toing off his shoes.

John was in bed, or at least Paul thought he was, the only visible thing was a tuff of auburn hair poking out from the top of the duvet.

He tiptoed close to the bed, inching lower the cover and smiling as John's feverish face came into view.

He looked so soft, hair mussed from sleep and the tip of his thumb in his mouth. He was laying belly down, the pillow half under his body and hugged to his chest.

Paul had to restrain himself from cooing out loud and scoop John up into his arms.

He didn't want to wake him up, but he couldn't wait to give him his gift.

"John love, wake up, sweetie" he whispered lovingly in his ear, gently shaking him awake.

He groaned, but actually opened his eyes, grimacing slightly as light filtered in them.

After a bit of blinking, though, his face broke into a wide grin at seeing who was there.

"Paul! I'm so happy to see you!" he said with a loving smile and Paul cooed, leaning down to press a kiss onto his dry lips.

John beamed, melting in the kiss and taking his arms out from under the covers, hugging Paul's neck and slightly sitting up.

"What have you got with you?"

John was curiously peering into his hands, seeing the box and Paul smiled like a Cheshire cat, passing him the box.

"It's an early Christmas present. Or a late birthday present, see it as you want" he sat more closer to John on the bed, looking at him with loving eyes as John started analysing and turning around the package.

It was as big as a shoe box, with a few holes cut on top.

He tried to open it, when suddenly…

"You got me a cat?!" he screamed, looking incredulously at his boyfriend.

Paul laughed, holding up his arm, "Yeah, you've told me cats are your favourite animals and I've decided to get you one"

"Oh, you remembered" John's voice was tight in his throat.

Aside for his auntie and uncle, and a few other aunties, no one had ever gave him any Christmas present.

Or better, his best friends, Stuart and Cynthia, actually got him something, and he always got something for them too, every year, but never a kitty!

"Of course I remembered, you silly. I remember everything, y'know?" Paul laughed as John threw himself on him, hugging him tightly and pressing soft kisses on his cheeks.

He then delicately picked the kitty out of the box, holding it close to his chest and softly scratching behind its ear, making it pur.

"His name will be Elvis Holly" he declared with a smile and Paul chuckled, "Like the great Elvis and the great Buddy"

"Of course, who else?" grinned John, now holding up the kitten so he could peer into his face.

He was grey, with a few black stripes and his belly was white.

He was purring happily, rolling in the soft sheets of the bed when John put him on top of them.

"Thanks Paul, this was the best late birthday, early Christmas present I ever got. I promise I will take great care of him" he said with a smile so big and happy that it made Paul's heart skip a beat.

"I'm happy you like it" 

They smiled at each other, leaning down to kiss softly, one of Paul's hands rooming around his soft cheek while John's arms had looped around his neck.

They only broke the kiss when the kitty began to meowl and paw at John's chest with his paw and John laughed, picking him up and cuddling him.

Mimi was deeply surprised by the present, but was fine as long as John was gonna take care of him, which John swore he was going to.

She had to leave for work, and after some slightly emotional reaction from John, his fever was still messing up with him, making him even more needy and clingy, she went away, leaving the two boyfriends alone.

At some point, a blonde girl with a sweet smile and sweet eyes came visiting John.

Her name was Cynthia, she was a classmate of John back at school and she was quite happy to meet Paul, happy to know her friend had finally found love.

Paul found Cynthia incredibly kind and sweet, especially in the way she was smiling and talking with John.

When she went away, John confided how Cynthia was basically one of the few who didn't bully John for his issues, but was quite helpful whenever he needed some help with assignments.

Paul was incredibly happy to hear this, knowing how lonely and out of place John felt throughout school.

They passed the afternoon cuddled up on the sofa watching TV together and cuddling.

John was still feverish, so he was very clingy, refusing to let go of Paul even for one second, which was fine for the older boy, who lived to hold John against him, fitting like a puzzle piece.

He would brush his still slightly wet hair, making him hum in delight, Elvis sleeping on top of the blanket that was covering the two of them.

It was a very lovely day. And Paul, Paul hoped he could spend the rest of his days just like that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter :)  
> Enjoy!

John often found that he couldn’t express what he wanted to say.

In his mind, everything made sense, but then, it was like his mouth wasn’t able to properly form the words he was desperately trying to say, which was frustrating him.

A lot.

He found himself often crying at the feeling of utter powerlessness that reduced him to that sensation.

‘I’m not stupid! Listen to me!’ was what his brain was screaming, but all that was escaping his mouth were those pathetic sobs and wails that had given him the nickname of annoying crybaby for all his school life. 

All his peers were annoyed by him, not understanding that all John needed was some help and understanding and not teases and pranks.

Teachers weren’t understanding that either; for them, all John was was a very annoying and problematic child.

“I’m sorry ma’am, we can’t do anything to that retarded nephew of yours” would rudely say the majority of the teachers to Mimi, whenever she was asking them why John was always coming home in tears.

Mimi was angry, furious. John wasn’t retarded. He just needed a caring hand helping and encouraging him to keep going. He just needed a little understanding and patience.

But those things weren’t seen by anyone but her.

Things seemed to look forward when John was finally free to leave secondary school and attend college at age 16.

It had been incredibly hard, a very strenuous work; how many evenings and well into the night had Mimi passed on books together with John, trying to help him study for the ending exams and to make sure he could get into a college.

There wasn’t any alternative, it wasn’t like John could get a job down at the docs like the majority of young men, or any other job.

John was very discouraged. Years of hearing teachers call him too stupid for school had left its mark.

“Why bother?” he would cry out, looking at Mimi with red rimmed, puffy eyes after the umpteent crying spell, “They won’t even take me!” and oh, how much did Mimi’s heart hurt at hearing her beloved nephew belittling himself so much. 

And only because his teachers didn’t believe in him at all and had never believed in him in the first place.

In the end, John managed to pass, with the lowest acceptable grades, but he managed to nevertheless.  
That night, Mimi and his other aunties had bought him a cake and John was so happy he ended up crying.

But for once, his tears regarding school were happy tears. And Mimi was very proud of him.

John was enrolled into Art School. He was very ecstatic and nervous and Mimi hadn’t seen him so happy since his first day of preschool.

The happy, mischievous glint was sparking back into his big almond shaped eyes and he was smiling brightly over breakfast.

On his way to school, though, - Mimi had let him walk down there with their neighbor, Pete, who was also John’s best and only friend - doubts were overtaking his confidence.

“What if they don’t like me? What if they start teasing me?” he was rambling, hands trembling and he was biting his bottom lip so hard the skin was about to tear.

Pete sighed, “John, c’mon, don’t worry. College is different from our previous school” he reassured.

John hummed, stopping biting his lip, until he gasped loudly, “What if they were right?”

“Who?” 

“Our teachers! What if I’m really too stupid?” his shoulders had slumped and his eyes had got teary, all his enthusiasm gone.

“John” Pete gently nudged his face up, until he was looking at him with teary eyes and insecurities screaming from behind his eyes, “John, look at me, you’re not stupid in the slightest, okay? Intelligence isn’t measured by grades, or else that arsehole of Colin wouldn’t even have seen grammar school” at that, the auburn haired boy chuckled, one hand wiping away his tears as he grinned at Pete, who also grinned.

“Atta boy! Now, let’s head in, alright?”

With a confident nod, John followed him into the building.  
The years of Art School had passed at the quickness of light.

John couldn’t even remember them properly.

All he could remember was that Pete, on that cool first day, was right. It was very different.

John hadn’t been the brightest student in the basic subjects -he was very ashamed by the way he read, it was very slow and shaky, filled with many mistakes. He wasn’t a big reader, or better, he loved books, but what he loved the most about them was laying down listening to Mimi read them, carefully making funny and on point voices for every character talking.

And yet, when he admitted to still liking listening to his auntie reading him fairytales, other students’ eyes were lighting up, also telling how they still liked to, for example, hear their mother read fairy tales to their younger siblings.

His handwriting was also very bad, sometimes illegible -but John already knew that, because sometimes he had troubles reading it too himself.

As the doctors had said when he was just a toddler, his fine motor skills were quite delayed.

He was very good at drawing, though. He found that with paint and a brush he could express himself way better than with words; though he discovered he liked painting with his fingers more.

There was something about feeling the cold paint under his fingertips, feeling it dry and the way he could peel it off a little, giggling like an excited child, that sent shivers down his spine.

In the short years he spent there at college, teachers had grown fond of him. They were all impressed with his skills in art.

He was very good. He could give that depth to his paintings and portrays that very few students were able to.

The headmaster even decided to put some of the best paintings of John up on the wall, much to his amusement and pride.

Much to his aunt’s delight, he even made some friends; they were all close in that class, but John had really bonded with his deskmates.

A cool, yet gentle, boy by the name of Stuart and a very sweet, down to earth girl by the name of Cynthia.

Stuart was always nice around him, defending him by the occasional teases and even asking him to teach him a bit of the way he drew.  
Cynthia, instead, found him extremely adorable, like an excited puppy. She was sweet with him, even sitting with him during lunch and letting him sit next to her on the bus on their way home.

She was also a great helper with assignments John couldn’t wrap his head around.

Finally, John felt accepted by people in his class.

“Paul? Paaaaaul?”

McCartney was woken up by a hand shaking his shoulder and by a distant voice calling him.

He groaned, opening his eyes. It was the middle of the night, what could possibly…?

He then heard a little whimper coming from him and his senses were quickly waking up fully. He was in John’s bed, and he then remembered staying over for the night, because John was sick.

He quickly sat up, eyes blinking until he could see well enough.

In bed, next to him, there was John, looking as small and vulnerable as possible.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” he asked concernedly, reaching out.

The younger man looked at him wide eyed, whimpering. “N-Nothing love, I’m sorry I woke you up”

“John, hun, please talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing...It’s stupid, go back to sleep”

Without even noticing, Paul had passed from boyfriend to therapist.  
It was in his instinct, okay?

Plus he loved John so much he wanted to help him and psychology was his career, so why shouldn’t he help?

“Johnny?”

John looked at him with puppy eyes, biting his lip, “I had a nightmare” he admitted, face glowing red in the soft light illuminating the room.

John was scared Paul would never get comfortable with him needing a night time light to sleep. Or a nappy.

Both were such infantile things that had made John worry Paul was going to laugh at him and leave for good.

But Paul once again surprised him, by telling him he still slept with a teddy bear he had since childhood and he had even shown him a picture his friend George had snapped of him during a sleepover when they were around 18 -so 6 years before- and the dark haired man had brought it to their next session, making John feel even better about the whole situation.

And, regarding his bladder control during the night, Paul had reassured him many many times that he wasn’t disgusted in one bit of it, making John grow less self conscious.

“Oh, love, come here” cooed Paul, spreading his arms; John quickly dived in them, burying himself into the comforting warmth.

“Do you want to talk about it, John bunny?” he asked while stroking his hair gently, but John only shook his head, burying it even further with a small whine.

Paul chuckled, “Okay love, let’s try to go back to sleep, huh?” and laid back down, holding John over his body.

John quickly rolled off, snuggling himself into the other’s relatively firm chest, also throwing one leg over his waist and humming in delight when Paul started scratching his head, almost like a purring cat.

“Oh, look!” exclaimed Paul, making the other sleepily lift his head, “Elvis also wants some cuddles”

John cooed, almost asleep, raising an arm so the kitten could snuggle in the little space between his body and Paul’s.

He was out in just seconds.

Paul chuckled, pressing a kiss to his forehead, before moving to his soft cheek and then his thin lips, before wrapping his arms securely around his lover and quickly falling asleep snuggled with him, which he found was the best way to fall asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...I don't even know anymore. Thanks for the nice comments on the previous chapter btw

"Paul, hurry up! Hurry up!"

Paul let out a breathless laugh, running behind John, trying to reach him.

John shrieked excitedly, reaching out with one arm to try and grab his partner, letting out a loud laugh.

The air was frizzy and cool, the grass under their boots crunching with every step. 

It was already dark outside, John's and Paul's figures were just shadows in the dark background.

Finally, they reached the top of a rather tall hill. Paul put the thick blanket down on the ground, before reaching out with a hand.

John smiled, sitting down on it, Paul sitting next to him and smiling back at his lover.

The younger man's cheeks and tip of the nose were red for the cold, the soft scarf Mimi had told him to put on only covering the bottom of his face.

His eyes were big and sparkling, illuminated by the moon's silver light.

Paul cuddled closer with the excuse of being cold, one hand gently grabbing John's again, the man looking at him with a soft expression and lovesick smile.

The soft auburn locks were squished down over the top of his head, covering his rather bushy eyebrows by the thick woollen hat he was wearing and his expression made him look like an excited child on Christmas Eve.

Paul grinned, before laying down onto his back, John wordlessly curling up in his arms.

They fitted together like two puzzle pieces and Paul was content like this.

They were calm until-

"Paul, look! It started! They look so pretty!"

Paul couldn't help but coo lovingly at John's awestruck expression.

The fireworks kept crackling and booming over their heads for the people looking up with their noses up to the sky.

Paul and John were down there, hugged together.   
The latter man absolutely loved fireworks, always had.

When he was little, he was very afraid of the noises, but absolutely in love with all the pretty colours.

Every year, around that time, he would go with auntie Mimi and uncle George to see them at Strawberry Fields, an old orphanage, to help charity.

George would pick him up and sit him on his shoulders and John would be awestruck looking up, his little nose pointing up as his eyes sparkled with the big colourful lights.

Paul, instead, had never been scared of them.

He would always go with his parents and little brother, Mike, down at the docs.

He could even picture himself as a kid, holding his dad's hand as the big dragons flashed through the dark sky, giving amusement and happiness to young and old folks.

They laid side by side, their hands grasping one another and got closer and closer as their lips finally collided.

They made out on the hill watching over the city, french kissing as the sky was lit by hundreds of lights.

Laughter filled the air as two sets of feets were tumbling around.

Laughs and grunts, followed by silence, followed by loud bursts of laughter again.

Paul and John were running towards the older's house.

John was laughing, feeling full of life. He shrieked when Paul scooped him up bridal style.

He carried him inside the house, not without his troubles at opening the door while also not dropping his beautiful prince, but he was a man of many tricks.

Paul was busy petting Martha to try and quiet her down, the big dog more than happy to see her owner and the other one she loved so much, when he suddenly moaned.

John was biting and licking at his neck, humming in delight when Paul's hand gripped his arse.

"Oh, you naughty boy" whispered Paul, his voice turning into that low, velvety tone which sent shivers down the other's back.

"I'm your naughty boy" whispered John on Paul's lips, biting them slightly.

The black haired man's eyes filled with lust, his smile turning into a sly grin.

With a grasp of John's plump bottom, he walked with his boyfriend into his arms.

John was a moaning mess already.

Paul's sneaky fingers had been softly spreading him open more and more.

"C'mon, baby, push it! I need it! Ah!" was whining John, lifting himself up from the bed.

He was an absolute moaning mess, his whole body tensed and flushed, beads of sweat traveling down the side of his head.

Grabbing the bottle of lube and slicking himself up with a few tugs, Paul positioned himself between the auburn haired man's trembling thighs.

He grabbed the chubby soft thighs into his hands, strongly yet softly rubbing the skin, feeling the muscle tremble and jump under it.

John was letting out the prettiest moans, every little high pitched sigh was making wonders on Paul's aching hard on.

Wifh an almighty push, Paul was in, moaning loudly at the warm tight welcome.

John moaned and shrieked, grabbing Paul's back tightly and pressing his fingers into the soft skin, sending a pleasurable sting through the one on top.

They were going at it like beasts.

Some days before, John had asked to spice things up, because someone had told him that there was a kind of sex that was harsh and fast.

Paul was astonished to hear his mostly innocent boyfriend talk like that, and John had blushed like a tomato, telling him it was all Cynthia's and her girlfriend's, Linda, fault.

Paul had accepted, even if a bit reluctantly.

He didn't want to harm John, or scare him, but he wanted to give it a try.

The man seemed so happy when he had agreed to it.

So now here they were, Paul thumping into John relentlessly, grasping his thighs and pushing them up and over his shoulders.

John's eyes were teary, mouth wide open as moans spilled from those kissable lips, his dick hard as a rock and bending over his tummy, pearls of precum falling from it.

Since he hasn't said the safe word even once, Paul hadn't stopped though he made sure to not be too rough on him.

Paul could feel himself about to finish, so he grabbed John's cock, starting to rub and tug at it while his hips were pistoning into the other's hole.

He made the mistake to look down, seeing his cock disappear into the slightly puffy hole that was hypnotically gripping at him and he let out the loudest moan.

That sight was enough to push him to the edge and in a matter of seconds, he was spilling into John.

John moaned as the hot liquid was shot into him and he quickly came, Paul's hand still wrapped around his member.

Out of breath and still dazed over his powerful orgasm, Paul slipped out, seeing his own come slick down from John's relaxed hole.

He smiled at him, but immediately frowned.

John wasn't smiling. He was crying.

"Love? Oh my God, what's wrong? Have I hurt you?" Paul was deeply concerned by the reaction.

He knew that John was quite sensitive, but he also knew that if he had any troubles he would have said something.

But maybe he was so overwhelmed words had failed him, maybe he didn't know how to stop him, maybe-

Before Paul could do one hundred and more paranoia thoughts, John spoke up, voice thick with tears.

"N-No" sniffled out the laying man, one hand going up to rub at his eye, "It just overwhelmed me so much" he admitted.

Paul had gathered him in his arms, holding him against himself and brushing his hair away from his eyes with his hand gently.

He noticed that his forehead was quite warm.

It could either mean he was still very heated up from their activities.

Or his fever had returned.

Paul wanted to kick himself. 

Sure, bringing John out with that cold, even if good dressed, wasn't going to be a smart idea.

He had been sick, so he should have kept him indoors.

But John wanted to see the fireworks so much… Paul couldn't say no to that puppy eyes and bright smile when he said they could go.

Even Mimi, though harder to convince, had agreed, albeit reluctantly, providing them of heavy scarfs, hats, jackets and gloves.

Paul was hoping he was still warm because of his orgasm. He didn't want to have made John feel sick again.

He stretched over and grabbed a few wipes and a diaper, looking down at his lover.

He was still laying with his legs curled up against his chest, cum forming a puddle under his bottom.

Paul gently cleaned him up, praising him and telling him how much he loved him.

That seemed to put him in a calmer mindset, because he looked softer, his lashes, still with tears clinging to them, had softly lowered and his chest wasn't spasming with sobs anymore.

He let Paul clean him up and diaper him meekly, barely moving to help him.

"All right?" 

John nodded, curling up on his boyfriend with a shuddery breath, "Alright" he whispered tiredly.

With a hand splayed in his hair pushing his face against his collarbone, Paul let sleep claim over his boy, before kept on looking out of the window with such a precious charge in his arms.

Paul was ready to do everything in order to make John feel good, loved and protected.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the nice comments on the previous chapter :)  
> Enjoy! :D

There were times when Paul's relationship with John was difficult.

The man loved the younger one very much, but often, John's moods and behaviours were difficult to predict and understand.

"John, please, tell me what's wrong" pleaded Paul, one hand rubbing John's soft naked tummy.

His eyes were showing concern, eyeing worriedly the other man.

Though he wasn't crying as hard as before, John had woken up completely panicked.

No matter how much Paul asked, even using ways to make him say things he usually used during therapy, he wasn't able to coax an answer out of him.

"Love, please, what's wrong? Are you in pain? Have you got a fever?" asked the man, hand gently brushing away hair from his face.

John wasn't really sobbing, but his breath was a bit shaky.  
Tears were freely falling from his eyes down his soft cheeks and even his nose was snotty and running.

Paul grabbed a tissue, softly dabbing his blotchy cheeks, before holding it up to his nose for him to blow.

It was in moments like those where Paul felt more like a caretaker rather than a boyfriend.

He knew it wasn't fair for him to get angry at John.

His initial job was that one; John's therapist and caretaker.

John would love to live a perfectly normal life, being able to do things on his own and not be so dependent upon others.

But they both knew something like that couldn't happen.  
Maybe John could learn how to control his emotions differently, but he couldn't dream of living a normal life.

He would forever be in need of some sort of caretaker, no matter what.

So all Paul could do was to hold him and shush him softly, reaching out whenever he was panicking too much.

In those moments, he felt like a parent too. John wasn't communicating at all, so Paul had to play guess with him, just like a parent with their little child.

"Johnny, shhh, relax love, nothing is wrong, I'm here, okay?" he whispered into the top of the soft auburn locks, gently rocking the spooked man until he was calm and sleepy again.

What bothered Paul the most though, was not knowing what bothered John to the point of tears.

He hated seeing him so helpless, so scared and overwhelmed.

He was afraid he had hurt him by pushing himself too hard in him, but John had assured him it was not that.

But it wasn't physically that Paul was concerned about, it was mentally.

John had been in and out of sleep, and everytime he was waking up, he would cling to Paul tightly, like a wounded scared animal.

With a heavy heart, but with love filling him to the brim, Paul dozed off lightly, still holding his loved one to his chest.

Paul woke up by light hitting his eyes. He tiredly opened his eyes, furrowing his brows at the beaming light.

John was still asleep curled up on his chest, eyes closed tight and body folded up on itself.

He looked so peaceful, yet his cheeks were still traced with dried tear tracks.

McCartney couldn't help but coo at him, taking in the most adorable sight on earth.

He gently started stroking his head, making the sleeping man lean into the touch.

After a little while, big almond shaped brown eyes opened a little, still clouded by sleep.

"Good morning, love" cooed Paul and John grinned a little, his smile absolutely soft to the golden morning light.

"Morning" he whispered softly. But the peace didn't last long.

Suddenly, John's eyes got teary, his smile slowly disappearing.

"Johnny? John love, what's wrong?" asked very concerned Paul, peering into his face.

John shook his head, looking at the ceiling while blinking quickly to get rid of the tears.

"Nothing, Paul" he weakly whispered. He sighed, turning around to bury his face into the other's chest.

His breath tickled him, making him giggle a little. The jerky movement made John look up with a pout, his hair sticking up in every direction looking red under the soft light.

Paul smiled, one hand coming up to wipe his eyes and cheeks, where a few tears had escaped and ran down.

John leaned into the touch, feeling absolutely touch starved and needy, like a little kitten patting their owner's hand to get cuddles.

Paul cooed, leaning over to kiss his lips softly.

"I have to go make breakfast, love. Are you hungry?"  
His question was met by a loud rumble coming from his partner's belly and the two started laughing.

With a last kiss, Paul left to the kitchen.

Walking upstairs with two cups of fuming tea and two slices of cake on a tray, Paul couldn't help but love the familiarity of things.

He absolutely loved waking up next to John, him being the very first thing seen by Paul as he woke up.

As he walked down the hallway to the bedroom, he heard a soft tune, recognizing the voice as John's.

He entered the bedroom, trying to not make any noise.

John was still sitting on the bed, facing the big open window.

He was curled up, head posed over his knees and arms hugging himself.

His eyes were half open, long lashes brushing the top of his freckled cheeks.

He was whispering something, a resemblance of tune muttered under his breath.

"Mother, you had me...but I never had you… I wanted you...you didn't want me... father, you left me...but I never left you…"

There was a sharp intake of breath and Paul could see tears starting falling down from his half lidded eyes.

"Mama don't go...Daddy come home...Mama don't go...daddy come home…"

His voice, from a whisper, was growing in volume.

Paul didn't know much about his parents, only what Mimi had told him. He knew about his mother, yes, but not about his father.

According to Mimi, Alfred, that was the name of the man, had left Julia when he found out she was pregnant.

That was one of the many reasons Julia wanted to abort the child.

Paul didn't even know John actually knew his father. Maybe he had simply heard his family talk badly about Alfred and that's all.

After a while, John was screaming the lyrics, face growing red and eyes wide.

Paul didn't think it was wise for him to get closer than what he already was.

John's eyes were wide, spiritated. He was downright screaming, not even saying words anymore.

He got up on his feet with a jump, hands coming up to his hair.

Paul was worried as John let out the loudest animalistic scream, hands grasping his hair and tugging. Hard.

It was at that moment that Paul decided to step in.

He sprinted towards him, grabbing him and turning around.

He flinched at the loud screams, while he tried to talk John out of his fear induced self-harm.

"Sweetie, no, no, it's all right. Shhh, hold on me, Johnny, can you feel my hand?" he asked in a low voice, his brain switching from boyfriend to therapist in only seconds.

His hand was tracing circles on John's naked back, the other hand keeping him pressed against his chest.

Slowly, John's struggles came to a halt and Paul had to take a few steps back as John's weight sagged against his body.

He was sobbing harshly, his face red and tear stained, his breath laboured and difficult because of his clogged nose.  
Paul just held him tightly, not caring that the sweatshirt he had been wearing to go to the kitchen was getting wet.

He simply held him and shushed him, tenderly tracing circles on his back.

When John was somewhat calmer, he reached out towards the bedside table, grabbing a tissue.

He quickly and gently wiped his face and eyes before holding it up to his nose, John obediently blowing it.

He was calmer now, and Paul knew that he was going to be incredibly clingy.

"Alright?" he whispered, one hand grabbing his arm.

John nodded meekly, all energy leaving him.

He whined a little as Paul moved them to the bed, sitting him on it and sitting next to him, letting him cling back against his body.

John curled up, tucking his legs underneath himself, eyes wide and arms wrapped around Paul's torso.

Paul held up the tea cup against his lips, smiling as John hummed in acknowledgment and started sipping the tea, still clung to him.

All the while it took him to basically feed John, as he wasn't even moving, only sometimes humming in delight and sighing happily, looking at Paul with love in his eyes, Paul couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach.

After eating their breakfasts, though, John's face blushed again.

"What's wrong, love?"

The auburn haired man's eyes dropped down, eyes clouding with shame and Paul looked down too, eyes widening in realisation.

John was still wearing his nappy, the thick padding appeared wet. Paul knew he couldn't be comfortable like that.

"Oh, sweetie, it's alright. C'mon, lay back and let me change you, okay?"

"You don't have to, Paul. I can do it myself" whispered John. His voice sounded incredibly rough and strained.

"I know you're able to, love. But I want to nevertheless. Useless you don't want me to, of course" he said, quickly adding the choice too.

Maybe John simply wasn't comfortable, now that he wasn't in post coital bliss.

But John just shook his head, "You can, if you want. Just remember you don't have to if you don't want" he whispered.

Paul grinned a little, leaning down to kiss him tenderly, "I know, love. But I don't mind, really"

John looked more reassured, now laying back without any fuss, letting the other's gentle hands take care of everything.

John loved Paul also for this. He was incredibly gentle and caring and understanding.

He didn't see John's troubles as something completely weird and he didn't think he was just some retarded freak.

Even before their relationship, Paul had been a very gentle and caring caretaker. He took his time to understand John's needs and issues, never treating him like a burden or a simply anonymous patient.

Paul had found the key of his heart and was slowly helping him put together all the broken pieces.

"I love you" whispered the younger man after Paul had finished changing him and was holding him up against his own body.

He could feel Paul grin, "I love you too, sweetie"

"Even if I'm different?"

"Yeah"

"Even if sometimes I act and feel like I can't do anything on my own?"

"Yes, love"

Paul looked straight into the other's eyes, seeing all the insecurities and sadness, "John" he whispered, "I love you no matter what, okay? I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say" he whispered.

The smile he received was one of the best smiles he had ever received.

"Thanks Paul. I love you too no matter what" 

The two kissed, before Paul gathered John into his arms, carrying him downstairs laughing lovingly at John's shriek.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy :)

John had been really clingy. To the point of whining and giving Paul sad puppy eyes if Paul stopped hugging him even to go to the bathroom.

It was weird for Paul to walk to the restroom with John in his arms, and him waiting next to the sink for him to finish doing his business.

It was weird, but not really awkward. In his opinion, someone needed a lot of trust to do that with someone else.

And Paul trusted John very much.

"C'mon, Johnny, get your coat. We're gonna get some hot chocolate, what do you think?" had asked Paul that afternoon.

They hadn't moved from home all day, having slept in late that morning and John still looking troubled -Paul didn't want him to have a breakdown again- so he had cuddled him all morning.

At lunch, he had prepared some soup, something easy and light.

At hearing the words hot chocolate, though, John's eyes had lit up. He had started cheering happily, eyes wide.

Paul was happy to have made John smile, especially after the pain and panic he had endured that night.

So now they were walking towards a café together.

The atmosphere around them was joyous, it looked like Christmas had arrived already.

Kids were running around all dressed in heavy clothes, playing in the small square together.

A huge Christmas tree stood proud in the middle, all lit up and decorated.

As they entered the small coffee shop holding hands, they were hit by the strong smell of coffee and chocolate.

Paul smiled at John, seeing the excitement in his eyes. 

They sat quietly together, smiling at each other, their joined hands on top of the table, when the waiter got closer.

"Hi, Ringo" smiled Paul.

Richard, mostly known by his friends as Ringo, was a close friend of Paul.

He was the boyfriend of Paul's childhood best friend, George, and the three had been quite close, even if Paul had always felt like the third wheel to the two lovers.

Ringo's eyes posed over their hands, before going up to John's face.

Paul, feeling John's hand starting to tremble a little, smiled at his friend, "This is John...he's my boyfriend" he said proudly.

He could sense a smile blooming on John's lips at what he said and his smile got even bigger.

Knowing he was the cause of those big beautiful smiles was a proudness.

"Nice to know you, John!" said Ringo happily, giving a smile to the other one. John looked up, shyly smiling at him, before looking down again.

"What can I get you guys?" 

"A normal hot chocolate with some whipped cream, thank you" said Paul smiling. Ringo wrote down the order, before turning to look at John.

"A… can I get…" he stuttered out, face growing red as he felt eyes looking at him.

Paul smiled encouragingly, drawing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb.

John took a breath, "Can I get a cinnamon flavoured chocolate with some whipped cream too, please?"

Ringo nodded, "I'll be right back with your chocolates!" he quipped with a goofy smile, before walking away.

The two lovers talked for a while, until Ringo brought their chocolates and sat down with them to chat.

"You should really come this evening with us, then!" shouted Ringo with a happy smile, after hearing that John was a big Elvis's fan, "We're gonna see Elvis's movies, have a few beers together, it will be fun!"

"How many people will be there?" asked worriedly John.

He had warmed up about talking with Ringo, but Ringo was only one person.

John didn't like large crowds of people.

"Oh, don't worry! Only me, my boyfriend George and the two of you. If you want, obviously"

John bit his lip, looking at Paul.

Though he knew Paul loved him and loved to spend time with him, it wouldn't be right for him to rob him of time with his friends.

He smiled a little, "Yeah, it would be nice" he admitted.

How he longed to have some friends and Ringo seemed such a nice person.

John was sure Paul was wise regarding his friends, so he hoped George was nice too.

Ringo beamed, "Great!" and Paul smiled, "We'll be at your house at 9, okay?"

John tuned out the rest of the conversation, letting his boyfriend plan everything, sipping his chocolate with a warm happy feeling spreading in his chest.

When the time to go over George's arrived, Paul went to pick him up from his home.

Mimi had been surprised John had accepted, knowing that his social anxiety was often making him decline any form of social interaction outside of the very tight group of people he trusted.

And yet, John looked very happy to go with Paul and his friends, even if he was kind of worried.

Before going out, Mimi had hugged John, telling him to have fun and that she loved him - John needed to be reminded how much he was loved in order to quell a little his insecurities.

She then looked at Paul, eyes getting teary.

She suddenly hugged him, holding him tightly against her body and rubbing his back, "Thank you" she whispered, voice thick with tears.

Paul sniffled a little, giving a sharp nod and trying to keep in the tears.

Smiling, the two walked out and onto the street.

Paul nudged John's hand with his, smiling when John clung to him. He knew that John had done a big sacrifice of his own issues to come that day.

He knew John was very anxious when around other people. 

And yet, there he was. He was there for Paul, so he could hangout with his friends.

Paul smiled, "Thank you, Johnny"

"For what?" asked John, looking confused at the other with a smile.

"For deciding to go out of your comfort zone for me. It has been a very nice gesture"

"Oh...well, I think I might as well get some friends too. Ringo sounded very nice, so I'm sure George will be too" grinned John.

The older man smiled at him, leaning down to press a kiss onto his soft lips, making him sigh softly.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

They walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence, holding hands.

The more they got closer to destination, the more John was growing fidgety.

His hands had started to sweat, his eyes were darting everywhere, his teeth were stressing his bottom lip incessantly.

He was so deep into his head he didn't even notice they had stopped walking.

"It's gonna be alright" whispered Paul, bringing John's hand to his lip and kissing it.

John nodded shakily, "it's gonna be alright" he whispered back.

Paul nodded, "Say it again"

"It's gonna be alright" he repeated, sounding more confident.

Paul nodded, leaning over and kissing him, making him melt into the kiss with a sigh.

With a last pat on his shoulder and a last kiss, they knocked on the door, hands still interlocked.

Ringo was happy to see the both of them. He had introduced John to George.

The younger man seemed pretty cool with him, grinning and joking and telling him he was welcomed to hang with them whenever he wanted.

John had felt so grateful to be accepted, he could have bursted into tears.

While they were watching the movie, John was cuddling into Paul's side.

He was curled up in his arms, matching his breath with Paul's and watching the screen intently.

He was starting to feel slightly nauseous, but he couldn't pinpoint what had made him feel like that.

He had been fine only short minutes ago, and yet, now he was starting to feel light-headed.

His eyelids were growing heavy and he was struggling to stay awake.

It wasn't sleep that was pulling him though. Sleep never made him so nauseous.

Maybe it was the beer they had drank?

But the others seemed fine.

Suddenly, he felt the urgent need to throw up and quickly unwrapped himself from his boyfriend's arms, standing up on shaky feet.

Bad move.

As soon as he was standing, the whole world started colouring black.

"John!"

"Oh my God, has he fainted?"

"Love, please, please open your eyes!"

He could hear screams and pats on his face.

Then nothing. Everything was silent and calm.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

Ringo had been worriedly looking over his friend.

Paul had been very on edge the past hour or so.

He was sitting on the big comfy armchair holding his boyfriend close.

John had fainted. He had completely lost his consciousness in a matter of seconds.

Paul had panicked, obviously. John had seemed fine. Who knew why he had fainted so suddenly?

Thank God he had come back to his senses shortly after and was now huddled on Paul's lap.

"Thank God you're fine" 

John moved his tired eyes over Paul's face that was looming over his.

The older boy looked very tired. His black hair, usually perfectly combed through, looked ruffled. His eyes were big and shone with concern.

John was feeling so guilty. It wasn't fair for Paul to feel so concerned over him.

He was an adult, he could take care of himself.

'Oh, who are you kidding, you big cry baby' whispered a nasty voice in the back of his head and John's eyes screwed shut.

He knew it. He knew he was just an overgrown baby.

He couldn't take care of himself. How could he think Paul would be happy with him when he needed so much help over everything.

Before his mind could turn even more angsty, a pair of lips had attached to his.

Paul was kissing him. Even after everything, he was still kissing him.

John feebly protested, but ended up melting into the kiss with a sigh.

When they pulled away, Paul was still looking at him with concern, but his eyes were soft with love.

"Darling, do you feel better?" he whispered. The auburn haired boy had to nod.

He didn't trust his voice to work without betraying him. He could feel a growing lump in his throat.

With a chocked noise, he turned around, burying his face in Paul's chest, body tucking on itself even tighter.

Paul looked up at Ringo and George, who were watching him concerned.

"Johnny" he whispered slowly and calmly, rubbing his back soothingly, "C'mon, we can go to mine, if you want"

But he wasn't surprised when John just shook his head, burying his face further into his chest, "I want to go home, Paul. I want to go home" he cried out a little.

Paul could only nod at the request; tightly gripping him under the knees and around the shoulders, he hoisted him high in his arms.

What worried him the most, though, was his lack of reaction at the sudden movement.

He worriedly glanced down, seeing John curled up with his eyes still tightly closed, tears dampening his lashes and hands fisted and shaky wrapped around his shirt.

As he walked to the door, George quickly hurried to open it for him, as his arms were quite full.

"Goodnight, Paul. Take care of him" whispered George with a concerned glance to the limp boy in the other's arms.

"I will Geo. Goodnight. Goodnight to you too, Ringo" nodded Paul to the two, quickly starting walking so John wouldn't get any cold.

The walk back to Mendips had been difficult.

John wasn't cooperative, completely limp into Paul's arms.

He was coherent, which was a pro. Last thing Paul wanted was for him to go completely catatonic.

But he was concerned nevertheless.

They had to stop a few times, John puking out his guts like he was drunk.

They've drunk two bears each and nothing more; Paul didn't like alcohol and John had told them he didn't want anymore beer after the second one.

Everytime he was finished emptying the mere contents of his stomach, John would lean back to rest his head on Paul's shoulder, tears streaming down his heated cheeks and apologies falling from his lips like a mantra.

"It's not your fault, baby"

"It is, I've ruined your night with your friends"

"You didn't ruin anything, John. C'mon, let me take you home now. Who knows what Mimi would do to me if I don't bring you home" laughed Paul and his heart missed a bit as John let out a cute giggle.

"Okay, let's go" he said with a nod, letting Paul scoop him up once more.

Mimi was still awake, sitting on the sofa with a book in her hands.

She was already in her pajamas, her perfectly curled hair all held up in curlers.

She quickly stood up to greet them as soon as she heard a key twisting in the lock.

Yet her eyebrow furrowed when Paul entered, carrying John in his arms.

"Has something happened" was out of her mouth before she could even notice.

"He fainted," said quietly Paul, walking to the sofa.

Mimi quickly cleared a spot on it, also grabbing a woolen blanket.

"I'm fine" John was awake, at least. Yet his eyes looked dull, his whole face still sweaty and red.

"Oh, love, have you got another fever?" asked the woman, leaning down to press a kiss onto his forehead, in the way she had been taking his temperature ever since.

A little warm, but not enough to concern the woman.

His glazed eyes posed over Paul, who was staring down at him from the foot of the sofa; Mimi wasn't there anymore, probably upstairs to get his pyjamas.

"I'm sorry" he whispered. His whole mouth felt dry, like cotton had been shown inside it.

"I told you there's nothing to be sorry for, okay? Just relax and get some sleep, okay?" Paul had leaned down, one hand gently brushing away his hair and John had leaned into the touch.

"We'll see each other at the facility?" whispered John, only half coherent by now. Paul nodded, leaning down to now kiss those lips.

"I love you"

"I love you too" and with that, he was out like the light.

"What happened, Paul?"

The voice coming from behind him startled him and he whipped around.

Mimi had come downstairs, holding a nappy and John's pyjamas.

She indulged a little, looking with a melancholic expression down at the slumbering boy.

Paul could feel the sadness behind those eyes, so similar to John's.

"I...I don't know. He was fine, then he fainted all of a sudden" whispered the psychologist, his trained eyes posing on Mimi's face in search of any emotion.

Mimi only sighed, leaning down to slightly lift him up from the sofa.

With a practice John could only envy, she had John changed in the shortest time ever seen by the man, without even stirring John from his sleep once.

"I should go now, Mimi. Goodnight" he solemnly said, walking back to the door with a rather sad look.

"Paul, are you alright?" she had to ask. He had some so much for her nephew. For her too.

But Paul, always the optimistic who didn't want to bother anyone, only nodded and smiled, "I'm just concerned about John" he admitted after a bit of silence.

Mimi nodded, "Don't worry, boy, he's in great hands" she said goofily and Paul had to laugh.

Heartened, and knowing that his boy was in secure hands, he headed out. He couldn't wait for the night to pass and to see John. He hoped he would feel good.

After seeing Paul's figure grow smaller and smaller, until it disappeared, Mimi walked upstairs, still holding John in her arms.

He was still sleeping, seemingly unconcerned. He always looked so soft while sleeping.

Mimi found herself reminiscing the past.

How she and her husband George would stand over John's crib, looking at the small miracle, how soft he looked asleep in a way too big toddler shirt.

How he always looked like he didn't have a care in the world when asleep.

How it wasn't normal for a barely 5-year-old to feel like the world was resting on his too small shoulders.

She snapped out of her memory with a shake of head.

Quietly putting John down in bed and tucking him under the covers, she had to stop for a second.

She smiled tenderly, one hand gently brushing the fringe away from his eyes, before leaning down to kiss his forehead as a goodnight.

John just sighed in contentment.

Mimi stood up, eyes suddenly moist.

Oh, how much she would do to make her little boy happy.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came out earlier than planned, because I thought I wouldn't have been able to update for a longer time.  
> Hope you enjoy!

A scream. A bang. Another scream. Another bang.

Paul was standing in front of John, eyes wide as saucers and mouth agape.

John was screaming. Loud screams and whines were ripping from his throat. His right foot, clad in only his sock, was constantly banging against the wall.

A slight crack was forming on it, some drywall falling off. 

John's whole face was red, damp with tears and snot dripping off of his nose.

Paul was scared.

He was scared John was going to hurt himself. And he couldn't be able to defend him.

He had tried early to stop his fit, but it only resulted in him getting punched by the thrashing boy.

But he was afraid he was going to hurt himself.

Slowly walking closer, like a predator with its prey, he kneeled over.

When he reached over, his hand grasping one of his shoulders, John jerked, looking up with big scared eyes.

He was still shouting, body shaking and he didn't want to be held.

Paul pushed him against his body, feeling him struggle and try to break free.  
As much as he struggled, he only pushed him further against his chest, softly shushing.

He buried his face into the soft auburn locks, breathing in the sweet smell of his hair, shushing him gently.

John was calming down slowly but surely, breath coming out in puffs against his neck as he shifted and turned.

"Darling, it's alright, I've got you" whispered Paul nuzzling his face close to his.

John's damp skin itched his, but it wasn't bothering the older man. His body was still quivering, his eyes now close and still leaking tears.

He held him close, eyes closed and voice soft, barely a whisper.

He didn’t know what was wrong; and this thing bothered him a lot.

John didn’t even want to talk about whatever was bothering him.

He looked troubled when he arrived, yet he started screaming and crying when Paul had asked what was on his mind.

That was the difficult part of his relationship with him: John often acted like a child, throwing tantrums, being noisy, being naive. And Paul often had to act like a father figure rather than a lover.

Often, his touches had to be careful; gentle, but no way sexual.  
Sometimes, like in that moment, John was acting like a scared child in need of comfort.

Paul sat more comfortably against the wall, sitting upwards John. He grasped him around his middle, pushing him against his chest, one hand splayed in his hair.

John was still breathing in harshly and shakily, body curled up tight, muscles tense.

Paul's chin got to rest on top of his head, eyes slipping closer.

He rocked slightly back and forth, smiling lightly when John hummed and rubbed his head under his chin, like a cat in search of affection.

Paul pushed him slightly away to look into those big almond shaped eyes, "Are you alright, John love?"

All the concern was showing and John was aware of that.

He shook his head a little, leaning back down and cuddling back.

"What's wrong, love?"

A shake of head.

"Johnny, please, talk to me"

Another shake of head.

"I don't want to talk about it" came his muffled voice, before a loud sniffle.

Paul kept rubbing his tense back, cooing a little.

Feeling his back ache by staying sitting like that on the hard floor, Paul stood up, grunting a little as John's weight bored down on his arms.

He carried him to the bed, gently putting him down and covering him up dutifully.

He made to move away, thinking that John might want some space, when a hand grabbed over his.

"Please cuddle?" asked the younger man, teaching his expression into a perfect pout with pouty lips.

Paul giggled, gently lifting the covers off of John's body and worming his way inside the already warm cocoon.

John softly rubbed his nose against Paul's, before burrowing himself into the crook of his neck, making Paul chuckle.

"You're a purring kitty, y'know that?" he teased, knuckles rubbing against the crown of his head.

John chuckled, "I know" he agreed with a shrug, before stretching over against his boyfriend's torso, like a cat after a good nap.

Paul laughed again, but his eyes caught on something;

John's sleeve rolled up, showing one of his bony wrists.

Paul knew about John's scars. He had seen them many times in the time they've known each other, plus John had actually told him.

He sadly looked at the wrist, grabbing it gently and bringing it up to his lips.

John sighed, looking at him with deep brown eyes. He knew Paul wanted to ask something about the scars, about his past.

The auburn haired boy, after one of his many panic induced moments, had thought again to cut, but had refrained.

He had refrained thinking how hurt Paul could get about his death.

And Mimi and Cynthia too!

How could he be so selfish?

"You don't have to tell me anything, sweetie. Only when and if you want" murmured Paul, looking at him with love.

John nodded, eyes feeling heavy.

He was still nursing a fever and was very sleepy.

"Shhhh, love, close your eyes and take a nap" Paul's voice was lulling him to sleep.

"Paulie…"

"I've got you, love"

Paul couldn't help but stare at John.

The complex, vulnerable, yet strong boy he was lucky to call his boyfriend.

McCartney couldn't still figure out how he could be so lucky to be the boyfriend of such an incredible person.

He had just ended up changing John into some more comfortable clothes than the jeans and hoodie he was wearing before, plus the nappy he needed.

John had curled up immediately as soon as he was back in bed next to him, and Paul was content to just look at him while he slept.

The man's temperature was still a little high, his eyes still clouded with fever induced confusion, his hair curled because of the sweat; his body was still shivering slightly.

But the thing John had founded more humiliating was the fits of diarrhea he had developed.

He had been very embarrassed with every little gurgle of his stomach, every little fart or even all the times he had to interrupt their therapy activity because he had needed the loo.

Paul found so cute the way his whole face, up to the tip of his ear, would redden and how his words would come out as a jumbled mess.

A slight jerk from next to him made him look down with a raised brow.

John looked downright uncomfortable, body curled up and stomach loudly gurgling.

Then, Paul's eyes widened as a loud, wet fart was heard and the back of his trousers bulged out a little, John moaning in pain and discomfort, eyes screwed shut and eyebrows pinched together.

Paul leaned down to kiss his forehead, before standing up to get all the things needed.

John woke up with a cold feeling all over his lower body.

He opened his eyes slowly, before breaking into a coughing fit.

A glass was immediately pressed against his lips, the cool water rolling down his dry throat like a blessing from God.

After finishing drinking, he raised himself on his elbows, quickly falling back down as he found he was too weak to do so.

"What…" he asked, words slurred with sleep and confusion.

His eyes then posed on the rather full nappy that Paul was proceeding to roll closed and he stared at Paul with his mouth agape.

That was too much. He had really gone and messed himself in his sleep, like an infant? In front of his boyfriend, who had then to clean him up?

Before he could make any coherent sentence, tears were already rolling down his cheeks as he stared wordlessly at the other man.

"Johnny, no, don't cry! I love you. For me, it's not a bother to do so" said Paul alarmed, feeling John's insecurity emanating from him.

He knew how much he doubted to deserve any love.

But John couldn't answer. All he could do was break down into tears in his arms, burying his face into his chest and letting the other hold him and comfort him, reassuring him he wasn't a burden.

"You deserve all the love in the world, John love" whispered Paul, nuzzling his face into his hair, making him sniffle and curl closer, face still hidden in his lover's shoulder, a thousand insecurities screaming in his brain.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!
> 
> Warning, there's implied child abuse in this chapter!
> 
> Enjoy!

John's huge eyes were following every movement of the woman in front of him.

"Mummy?"

Julia Lennon sighed, turning around.

John was scared of mummy's look. Mummy was always shouting when she looked like that.

The woman roughly picked him up, holding him like a sack of potatoes, making him whimper as his right leg bumped against the doorframe as she walked into a bedroom.

The bedroom was bare but of the necessities and the double bed.

She unceremoniously dropped the child on the bed, before falling dead weight next to him, almost falling on him.

John whimpered. Mummy was sleeping already, but it was barely 9 pm.

His belly growled and he had to curl up, hugging himself to ease the bites of hunger.

He stepped off of the bed, before carefully walking downstairs, one hand holding the wall so he wouldn't topple over.

He was cold, he was hungry, everything throbbed and kind of hurt.

He grabbed Spottie the dog, his favourite stuffed dog.

He couldn't sleep without it. He wasn't going anywhere without it.

It was John's best friend. At school, no one wanted to play with him, so he would play with Spottie, hugging it and inventing stories with it.

Hugging Spottie and snuggling into his mummy's side, John fell asleep, trying to stop feeling so hungry.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Mary Smith?"

Mary Smith, better known as Mimi, furrowed her brows in wonder.

She putted down her purse as she just got home from work and gripped tightly the phone, holding it close to her ear;

"Yes, this is Mary Smith. Who am I talking to?"

"This is Dovedale Primary School. We're calling for the whereabouts of your nephew, John Winston Lennon" said the young woman speaking on the phone.

Mimi gulped. Had something happened to John?

She hadn't seen him in a few days, her sister, Julia, claiming the boy was busy.

"Yes, has something happened?" she asked nervously, twirling the cord of the phone in her hand.

Why would John's school call her? If something happened, they would have called Julia, not her.

"Mrs. Smith, your younger sister, Mrs. Julia Lennon, had signed you as the person allowed to pick John up from school and to know John's academic growth" she continued.

"Yeah, please keep going"

She heard a sigh. "Ma'am, we tried to call miss Julia, but she hasn't been answering. Teachers has reported us John has been having deep troubles keeping up on school work" 

Mimi gulped, "Troubles?" she knew John was a bit behind in things such as his speech and fine motor skills.

"He has troubles in a lot of things: he's 6 and he doesn't speak properly. He has trouble writing and holding pencils and pens in his hand. But the most concerning thing is that he's severely underweight" she said. Her tone was almost slipping from professional and was taking a tone of pity.

"I'm...I'm gonna go check on them...on him" she whispered.

As soon as she was off of the phone, she grabbed her hat and coat, quickly running to the car.

She was growing concerned.

"Julia, open up! It's me, Mimi!" she kept knocking, but no one was opening.

She cautiously tried the door knob, finding it open.

'Has something happened? Why is the door unlocked?'

She walked inside, still calling her sister, but only silence met her.

The house was very messy, but empty. On the floor, there were a lot of bottles and cigarette butts.

'Vodka, huh? Red wine...beer… it looks like Julia was having fun' she thought cynically.

She walked upstairs and into the only bedroom of the whole house.

She gasped at the sight on the bed.

Julia was laying there asleep, a bottle of wine cradled in her arms.

There was no trace of John, even if the secretary of the school had told her John hadn't attended in a few days.

Anger filled her to the brim, hands clenching to the side.

"Julia! Wake the fuck up!" she screamed loudly, also shaking her.

The redhead gasped as she was rudely awakened.

"What the…? Mimi, what are you doing here?" she asked confused, before hissing, her hand coming up to her head.

"No wonder your head hurts. Considering all the bottles downstairs" crudely said Mimi, face blank.

Julia pulled a face, "I'm not drunk" she said, but as soon as she got up, she swayed. She would have fallen if it wasn't for Mimi grabbing her.

"Not drunk, you were saying" she snarled, before letting her fall back on the bed, "Where is John?"

"Ah, I have no clue" shrugged Julia, lighting up a cigarette and staring at her sister.

She even dared to smirk when Mimi scowled at her.

"Maybe he's dead. Oh well, it's not like I care" she said plainly.

Mimi gasped, "How can you talk like that about your own son!" but Julia just shrugged, unscrewing the cap of the bottle and taking a sip.

Suddenly, a light whimper could be heard.

Mimi whipped around, looking at the doorway.

"Auntie!"

John started running towards her, as fast as his little legs were taking him.

He was concernedly small to be 6 years old and his movements were clumsy, like he couldn't quite find balance.

The small boy collided over her legs, little arms coming up to tightly hold onto her skirt.

"Oh, Johnny" Mimi couldn't talk, her voice was blocked in her throat.

She picked the boy up, letting him cling to her, "Auntie, auntie! I'm sorry" he whimpered.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry, sweetie?"

"Mummy said that it's my fault if daddy isn't here" he whispered, tears filling his big almond shaped eyes, "and I don't like when mummy drinks that smelly stuff" he admitted.

Mimi turned around to glare at Julia, who was unconcernedly smoking her cigarette, alternating the drags of it to sip off the red wine she was still sipping.

"Has mummy drunk a lot of that smelly stuff?" she asked, voice thin and poisoned as she held John close.

The little kid nodded vigorously, "Mhmh, every night. She also invites her friends over!"

"Friends?"

"Yeah, Mary, friends!" called out the younger woman. Her voice was high and dry, a wicked smile stretching her lips into a snarl.

"But her friends are all boys" cautiously said the boy, holding for dear life onto his aunt.

Mimi smirked, "You're still keeping up with your whore tendencies?"

Julia smirked, "I'm not a whore, luv. I simply know how to have fun"

"Oh, if having fun means getting piss drunk and then laid in front of your kid!" she screamed, but quietly calmed down when John whimpered.

"Of course I'm not letting that lil bitch see me getting fucked. I close him into the closet" she said with a shrug.

It was unnerving for Mimi. How could she be so careless regarding her son?

Maybe it was because Mimi always wanted a child, but was never able to have one.

It was true that some people shouldn't be allowed to be parents and her sister was the living proof of that.

She sighed, "I want to ask you something. No, better, to propose to you something" she stopped, waiting to have her sister's attention.

When Julia nodded for her to keep talking, she sighed again, one arm wrapping tighter to the boy on her hip.

"The school called. John's underweight. They also noticed some slight delays. I've been talking with George and we came up with this proposal: we think it's better if John comes to live with us. At least for a while, until you can get a stable job. And clean from any alcohol" she said firmly.

Julia looked up at her with blank eyes, "You can have him forever, Mary. It should be clear I don't give a fuck about him, huh? I even thought of drowning him during bath time for years now. Take him. He's all yours"

Mimi shivered. How could she be like that? 

Poor little John probably hadn't understood his mum's words. But he sure understood the meaning behind those words.

His eyes grew wet as he calmly curled up against Mimi's body as the woman marched to the closet, taking out the few clothes belonging to the boy.

"Wait, auntie! We forget Spottie!" he cried out once they were walking outside the house.

Mimi nodded, walking back, apprehensive watching John sprint towards the small almost destroyed sofa and taking in his arms a well loved stuffed dog.

"Okay, I'm all ready" he said, toddling over his aunt and softly tugging the hem of her skirt.

"Do you want to be picked up?" The boy nodded hopeful and Mimi smiled, hosting him up into her arms.

They were both sad to not see Julia fight at all, only smoking a cigarette as they walked away.

That night she had fed him well and dressed him with the most comfy clothes he had ever worn.

Uncle George had played with him and had even read to him.

Auntie Mimi had then bathed him, taking her time to play with the rubber ducks with him too.

Before going home that afternoon, though, they went to the hospital and to the police station.

John was physically healthy, if not a bit small and underweight for his age, but nothing to be too concerned about.

It was the mental evaluation that was the most anxiety inducing thing.

It was clear John was behind in a lot of things; he wasn't a good talker, he had a lot of trouble understanding basic activities and orders, he wasn't fully potty trained.

"Mummy just makes me go pee and poopy in my nappy" he innocently admitted, like it was the most normal thing in the world for a six years old to still wear nappies full time.

Even the nurses and doctors had been deeply surprised to know his real age; they had just assumed he was a toddler, no older than 3.

He also seemed to suffer separation anxiety, because as soon as Mimi had sat him down onto the examination table, he had cried for her, reaching over with his arms and crying.

It took all her power to not reach over and pick him up and cuddle him to no end.

They were waiting for the results, which were gonna take a few days.

Mimi was anxious. But at least now the boy was safe with him, full of love from his new family and simply loved and cared.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on the previous chapter!  
> This chapter is a bit longer, hope you enjoy!

Cries and screams were coming from a bedroom on the second floor.

Brian Epstein, boss of the Liverpool Institute, ran up the stairs towards the room.

He entered it, gasping at the sight.

John Lennon, the youngest patient, was laying on the bed, screaming.

His thrashing limbs were tightly held down on the bed by two large burly men.

Another nurse had gotten closer with a syringe, making John shout even more.

"No, no, no! Don't do it! Leave him alone!" screamed Brian quickly getting closer.

John didn't like to be held down and it was obvious he was scared.

At that shout, his big eyes posed on his face, his crying never tapering off, his eyes still wide and scared.

"Mr. Epstein, we have to calm him down. It's just a bland sedative" justified the nurse, but she had walked back from the bed.

Brian quickly walked towards John, dropping on his knees. Immediately, the two nurses let go of their arms, and John rolled down the bed, curling in Brian's arms.

"I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared" whimpered the boy like a broken record, body trembling.

Brian hugged him gently, "Do you want me to call Paul? Or your aunt?" he asked softly, to not spook him further.

"They don't want to see me" mumbled the boy, face still buried into the man's chest.  
Brian was taken aback from that, but didn't think it was true.

Sometimes, John would act like that.

"No, John, I'm sure they want to see you. C'mon, I'm calling them both, alright?" he insisted.

It took some time, but John nodded.

There was something off though.

His eyes looked dull, he was pale and shivery.

He touched his forehead. A bit warm.

He hummed, lifting John on unsteady legs, putting him down onto the bed gently and walking out to call John's loved ones.

Brian looked as both Mimi and Paul were reassuring John.

The poor boy looked completely out of it. His wide eyes were looking everywhere and he was talking with broken words and sentences.

"John, calm down" whispered Paul, brushing his fringe away and shushing him softly.

Paul was very worried. John looked very sick.

He was pale, eyes so wide and scared. He looked disillusioned.

"But...I want to go…" his voice was getting feeble, his eyes still looking completely out of it.

He was still shivering in Mimi's arms, but he was staring at a corner of the room.

"You...you want to go where, Johnny?" asked his aunt softly, concernedly.

"I want to go with the white rabbit... y'know, he's gonna take me to wonderland!" he quickly started laughing, sounding high pitched and scared.

The two older ones, along with Brian, were starting to get scared.

"Did...did you take something weird, luv?" asked Paul, still kneeling in front of him.

His eyes posed over his face and Paul shivered. There was something scary in his expression.

"What if...what if I die?" 

"W-what?" Paul was starting to get freaked out.

Mimi too shockingly looked at him.

"John, what are you saying?" worry was filling Mimi's voice as she anxiously held the boy.

John didn't answer. All he did was roll up one of his sleeves.

"Why did you do it? You...you promised you wouldn't have done it anymore, love…" whispered Mimi, eyes following the fresh red lines over John's arms.

"I'm sorry, Mimi...don't hate me, Mimi, please" whimpered John, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

"John, sweetie, I'm not angry with you, I'm not. Shhh, it's all right" she whispered, manhandling him so he was facing her.

"I'm sorry, Paul…" he whispered, looking at him. The man leaned over to kiss the side of his head gently.

John whimpered, tears threatening to spill from his huge puppy eyes.

He tucked up his legs, arms tightening around his aunt's torso as he let her coddle him.

Everything still hurts. He was unwell and he was scared.

"Hurt" he whispered, Paul sitting on the bed next to them, one hand rubbing his side, "What hurt, John?"

He hesitated, before looking at him pleadingly. Pleading for Paul to believe him.

"Everything"

"Everything? Why didn't you tell anyone before?" 

John just shrugged, tears dampening the shoulder of Mimi's coat.

"John, you have to talk to us when you feel unwell" said Paul, a steady hand rubbing John's back.

The auburn haired one only shrugged again, "My head hurts. It's all thump, thump, thump, all the time" he whispered.

Mimi sighed, "So your head hurts, then"

John nodded, "My mind makes me do things I don't want to do. But I can't not do them. I'm sick, auntie"

After saying those creepy words, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep.

He slept throughout all the drive home.

When he woke up, he was feeling dazed. He was feeling like nothing was real and he was still feeling the discomfort of his own body.

He got up, padding through the door and down the stairs, holding Elvis in his arms.

The kitten had loyally slept next to him, purring in his arms.

When Mimi saw him coming into the sitting room, her heart was aching.

John looked so vulnerable and hurt, clad in an oversized sweater and nothing else, the nappy quite visibly drooping between his legs.

The way he was holding the cat in his arms, like he was holding the most precious thing in the world, added to his still sleep filled big brown eyes and auburn hair all ruffled up were invoking memories into her mind.

It looked like John so many years ago, when Mimi had first saved him from his mother's house.

"Hey there, have you had a good nap?" she asked cheerily, walking towards him.

Nothing.

John's expression was completely blank and avoided from every emotion, so different to the outburst of the morning.

Elvis mewled frantically, wriggling to be put down, but John didn't seem to notice.

He only kept on staring at Mimi with those empty eyes, still puffy and red rimmed from crying.

"Johnny" whispered Mimi, softly grabbing his arms to not scare him, "Elvis want to be let down, honey" 

John simply let her grab the cat from between his arms, Mimi giving the ball of fur a kiss before letting the cat down, his arms dropping to the side.

She gently nudged him to turn around, slowly climbing the stairs behind him, keeping a hand on the small of his back for comfort.

She eyed the nappy, seeing as it was way more swollen than normal in the back.

Her hand slightly pulled back the waistband, seeing that she was right. John had messed himself indeed.

That particular made her gulp in anxiousness.

It had happened before that John had messed himself during sleep, especially when he was unwell, deeply catatonic or very upset.

But he would have usually started crying by now, calling for her to change him.

He was 23 after all and no matter how naïve he was, he was still embarrassed to do that in his nappy.

And yet, as Mimi gently laid him down onto a towel on the bed, he didn't move.

He didn't even grimace. His face was blank from every expression.

He wasn't catatonic, because he was still following Mimi's instructions to raise his legs and he even wiggled a little when the woman passed the cold wipe between his buttcheeks, but didn't protest further.

"Here, all better now, isn't it?" sweetly said the curly haired woman, grabbing John from his armpits and sitting him up against the headboard.

He looked like a doll; sitting with his back to the headboard, head slightly tilted and his eyes big and dull, hands limply on his lap.

Mimi smiled sadly at him, sitting on the bed so she could hug him, John breaking out of his stupor.

"Mummy was right, auntie"

"What?"

"Mummy was right. I'm just a burden. I should have died"

"John, no! Don't think that, sweetie!"

John looked up at her, eyes wide and shining with tears, "I'm unlovable" he whispered.

"Oh, sweetheart, you're not. I swear you're not. I love you so much, you know? And so does Paul"

But John just shook his head, "He's going to get bored and he will rightfully leave. I'm just fucked up in the head" his hand hand unexpectedly came up to his head and he quickly hit himself.

But Mimi was quick and used to John's self-harm, so she was quick to grab his hand, bringing it towards her chest, "No, John. He's not going to leave you. He loves you" she said firmly.

John shook his head once more, "He's going to feel like a babysitter" he whispered, tears gathering in his eyes, "He has to take care of me like I'm an infant. How can he be happy with me?"

Mimi kissed his forehead, "He loves you, John. I can see it in the looks he gives you. In the way he talks and acts. John, believe me when I say his love for you is true"

John couldn't really believe it, not so soon, but he nodded anyway.

He curled up tighter into Mimi's arms, letting her take all his worries away with her gentleness.

Yet, he couldn't keep at bay his thoughts. Thoughts of death were crossing his brain, making him whimper every once in a while.

He was developing a rather strong headache and his whole body hurt almost like a bus had passed over his body.

His ears had got sensitive over every small noise, so much he had pleaded for Mimi to turn down the television a little while they were having tea in the sitting room.

His whole body was clammy, a buzzing sound reverberated into his ears, distorting his hearing, and his head was still thumping.

"Mimi, Mimi I feel sick" he whimpered, yet he wasn't sure if he had talked at all.

The woman was quick to grab him and sit him on her lap, bringing her lips to his forehead.

John whimpered, his hands coming up to his ears, rubbing it.

His whole head felt full and pressured and he was in pain.

He didn't even notice he had started crying, until Mimi started comforting and shushing him.

"I'm gonna bring you to the doctor, sweetie" she calmly said, standing up with him.

As soon as he was standing up, though, his legs gave up and he cried out as he almost fell down.

Mimi, though, pulled him up against her body, slowly helping him walk towards the entrance and putting the coat over him.

"Mrs. Smith, Mr. Lennon"

The two looked over at the door when the doctor entered.

The man had given him a full check-up, complete with x-rays and a CT Scan since John had been lamenting pain in his head and in his hearing.

He was holding the results of the exams in his hands, looking worriedly at them.

"The regular results aren't showing major problems. The blood test doesn't show anything. And yet, it seems like the CT Scan shows some damage…" he said worriedly.

Mimi sighed, holding the purse tighter, "John suffers from brain damage since he was a toddler" she said, confused. 

Wasn't it written in the medical chart already?

The doctor nodded, "We already know this, Mrs. Smith. But we compared the scan we have taken today to the one of his last visits...it seems worse" he said.

Mimi's world crashed over her shoulders as she reached over to grab John's hand.

John's huge eyes posed on Mimi's face. "I'm...I'm getting worse...but...but I'm doing all the therapies…" he whispered, not fully understanding.

"John love...he isn't talking about the psychological side of your brain," she pulled him closer, "It's...the physical side of it…"

He still looked confused, brows furrowed and confusion swimming in his eyes.

"You know how you have trouble writing, sometimes you stumble, sometimes you can't understand everything?" asked anxiously Mimi, gently rubbing circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

John nodded, not understanding why she was asking him that.

"Well, the doctor has found out...he has found out it's getting worse" she finished sadly.

John looked down, "Oh"

Mimi turned towards the doctor, "Is there anything he can do? To at least stop the deterioration" she asked, feeling scared.

She was a nurse, after all, she knew what those results could mean.

"Well, yeah, there's a therapy to slow down any deterioration of the brain tissue" he said with a nod, "John is still young, science improves all the time and our neurologist didn't seem so worried" 

"Okay then. What to do then?"

"We're positive it will all turn out in the right way, ma'am. We should simply keep him monitored. A check up next week to see if anything has changed for either the better or the worse, while he will take some medicine for the headaches, okay?" 

The two nodded and got up.

"Mimi, I'm scared...I'm scared...oh Mimi, I'm so scared" whimpered the woman as they walked down the pavement.

"Sweetie, it's gonna be alright" said the woman, gently ruffling his hair and smiling.

John looked at her with big wet eyes and leaned over to put his head over her shoulder.

Mimi smiled, "Shh, little one, it's gonna be alright, okay? Now, why don't we go drink a good hot chocolate?" she asked, hoping to cheer him up.

John smiled, nodding happily and Mimi smiled again, ruffling his hair one last time before John started talking about various flavours of hot chocolates.

It was going to be alright. John wasn't alone. Mimi and Paul were there for him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

She was feeling like the world was crushing on her shoulders.

Mimi sighed, passing a hand through her curly dark hair. She had spotted a few new gray hairs between her mane of usually perfectly dark hair.

She was tired and had to get some sick days from work to deal with everything.

All the stress was getting at her. She had to be strong, very strong.

John was scared, very scared. He needed her. She needed to be strong for him.

But she was also scared for his well being.

She sat at the kitchen table, staring at the glass of water she was drinking.

She just wished for a little bit of peace for her baby nephew.

Paul and John were at the facility.

The older man was deep in thoughts. John had told him what the doctor had said.

A brain deterioration. It sounded serious. Later that day, though, John was going to have the first check-up visit.

Paul was going to go there with him and Mimi, to give him some comfort.

John had actually become more clumsy, often stumbling over nothing. Lights and sounds were bothering him more than normal and headaches were pretty much the norm by now.

Suddenly, he was snapped out from his thoughts at something humping his leg.

He looked shocked at John.

The man was humping his leg like a dog, eyes wide and slightly teary as he moaned and rubbed himself against his leg.

"John?"

"I want it, Paul!"

He cocked an eyebrow, but John only moaned brokenly.

"I want to do it, Paul, please I need it" he whined, pouting up at the other.

He was crouched down, before he quickly climbed onto his boyfriend's lap, his hard on poking Paul.

"Calm down with that weapon, you could poke my eye out" laughed Paul, staring up in awe at his moaning boyfriend.

John scoffed, before smirking as Paul moaned as their crotches rubbed together, "Now, let's get on with it!" he commanded, sitting straighter on the other's lap.

Feeling boisterous, he started unbuttoning Paul's shirt with a glint in his eyes.

Paul smirked up at him and with a sudden strength he pushed him into the sofa and held his wrists tightly.

John moaned, arching his back to reach Paul's lower half and they both moaned as their bodies collided.

Quickly, Paul discarded completely John's clothes, leaving him only in his birthday suit.

John blushed as he was completely naked while Paul was completely dressed.

"Tell me what you want" whispered Paul, leaning down to press his chest against the other's.

John swallowed a moan, eyes fluttering open.

"I don't want to fuck" he muttered, blushing. "You don't?" asked Paul confused, sitting back up, still between John's spreaded legs.

The man shook his head, his cheeks and tips of his ears red as tomatoes.

"Oh. But I thought…"  
"Yeah. Yeah, but I want to do something else sex related" he said shyly, looking away.

"Like what?" asked Paul, a thing or two coming up into his mind as he smirked down at the other one.

John's face absolutely flushed red at that, "Yes...I want you to...I want you to…" he stuttered, looking away.

Feeling his boyfriend's incredible shyness, Paul softly rubbed his belly, "Johnny, you don't have to be shy...you know you can tell me everything" he reassured, now rubbing his naked thigh.

John fidgeted a little, looking at everything but Paul, before his teary eyes posed on his gentle patient face.

"I want you to...to lick me…" he spit out, burning red.

Paul smirked, "How shy, for a blowjob" but John quickly shook his head, "I don't want a blowjob...I want you t-to lick me...down there"

The dark haired man had understood perfectly what John wanted, but he wanted to tease him a little bit.

He started kissing down his shaft, happy for the reaction he was getting from John.

He nuzzled his balls, leaving little kisses on both of them, John moaning loudly as his tongue gave a kitty lick between them.

He lowered even more, finally giving John what he wanted.

His body arched up even more, legs spreading. Paul giggled at the enthusiastic reaction.

"You want me to lick you there? My, John so eager" teased Paul.

John mewled in pleasure, hips snapping up, but Paul quickly grabbed his legs and bunching them up towards his chest so his hole was on full display.

He leaned down, lips sealing against the puckering hole, sucking and licking.

John's dick was leaking precum, which added to Paul's spit, was making him completely moist.

Paul could feel him come close, feeling his hole clenching around his tongue and John's moans getting all breathy and high.

The man smirked, his face getting away from between his quivering thighs.

John's hole looked a mess; it was all red and puffy, gaping lazily. It was coated in saliva, spit dripping down from it.

The man was still moaning, hard cock bent over his belly and precum pooling over the pudgy skin.

He smirked again, leaning down again, seeing John laying there with his eyes closed.

He took joy into John's shriek as a wet finger lazily traced the wet entrance.

"P-Paul, ah, ah, I'm c-close" moaned John, clenching down onto the finger

Paul moaned at the sight, John was so hot, his all body flushed, cock quivering and mouth agape.

Feeling himself getting close, he quickly reached over, grabbing John's cock in his hand, quickly pumping it.

John shouted, coming all over himself with strangled screams, Paul coming at the sight alone.

Everything was silent aside for the two lovers' laboured breaths. Paul had fallen against John, the younger tracing circles over his exposed arm.

"Was it good?" asked Paul, sitting up and bringing John up with him.

The man smiled, "Yes, very good" he blushed, biting his bottom lip shyly, "Thanks" he added.

Paul smiled, leaning down to kiss him, "Let's get ready for the check-up, alright?" he stood up, raising an arm towards him, John grabbing his hand with a smile.

It was going to be alright. John had Mimi and Paul with him.

He had started getting really scared while in the car.

At first, his trembling was somewhat subdued, but it spiked when they entered the hospital.

The waiting room was grim and smelled of antiseptic.

John wrinkled his nose annoyed by the small, looking around the room.

There were only a few people, minding their own business.

Two women were sitting with a little child, holding blue balloons and flowers.

Another couple was sitting near, the boy talking to the girl while gently playing with her long blonde hair.

John was sitting between Mimi and Paul.  
The woman was holding some paperwork in one hand, while the other was calmly stroking John's palm of the hand with her thumb.

Paul was bouncing his leg and looking around, giving John a gentle and reassuring smile whenever their eyes would meet.

When the nurse finally called him in, he was a shaking mess.

"It's all right, Johnny" reassured Mimi, taking his shaking hand in hers.

Poor boy. He flinched when the nurse poked him around with a needle, but shakily smiled up at the other two.

"Okay, Mr Lennon, we're going to take a quick CT Scan to see if everything is fine, alright?" asked cheerfully the doctor.

He knew about John's extreme anxiety and how his mood and behaviour could change from a way to another in a quick time.

The man's eyes grew huge. He didn't want to go back into that big machine that made all that noise.

Seeing his body starting to tremble, Mimi was quick to act. 

"Look what I brought you" she said, producing Spottie the dog from her handbag and handing it to the trembling boy.

John stared at it wide eyed, before picking it up and bringing it close to his chest.

Yet, he started shaking his head and whimpering when the nurse tried to get him ready to go to the room where the scan was going to be taken in.

"Johnny, shhh, it's alright, sweetie" cooed Mimi, sitting on the bed next to him.

The doctor didn't know what to do if not looking at the interaction in awe.

Paul sat next to him, also looking over the two. Mimi was still the only one able to calm John down quickly and without distressing him, something Paul wanted to learn too.

"Johnny, I know you're scared, I know. But everything will be alright, okay? You're gonna hug Spottie and be a good boy" Mimi was softly stroking his head, letting him bury himself in her arms.

"No! I don't want to go into that noisy machine" whimpered John, looking up with tear streaked cheeks.

The woman cooed at him softly, wiping away the tears, "There's nothing to be afraid of, it's just a bit of noise" she reassured.

"Can I wear my nappy too?" he whispered, face tinting red. Mimi eyed the doctor, who discreetly nodded.

"Alright, luv. But I don't have any nappy with me" she said after noticing the missing garment.

"Don't worry, ma'am, we got nappies of John's size too" exclaimed the nurse quickly, walking towards a cabinet and pulling out from it a folded up disposable nappy.

"You're a good boy" whispered Mimi, kissing his forehead and making him beam slightly.

"I hope everything is okay" whispered Paul to Mimi, sitting next to her into the room while waiting for John's return.

"Me too, Paul, me too...John's been so scared" Mimi had leaned back with her eyes closed, sighing deeply.

When John had returned, they were all on edge.

Paul had climbed in bed with him, holding him quietly while John was playing with Spottie, making it dance over Paul's legs.

"Okay, here are the results"

Mimi and Paul exchanged looks of worry as the man flipped open the folder.

"Alright, doctor?"

"It shows the deterioration is actually slowing down. We have, however, increased the medicine intake a little" he solemnly said, taking off his glasses and looking at the three.

"All good then?" whispered John, gulping and the man smiled, "Yes, Mr Lennon, it's good. However," his eyes darkened a little, "We found that it is impossible to stop the deterioration...it has slowed down, yes... but there's a high chance for you to lose control of your body in the future…"

"How long, though?" John was getting anxious. He wasn't stupid. Even if he had always been deemed different from others, he still could understand things.

"Well, luckily we could get to it soon so he has started on a great time the therapy. If untreated...well, in two, maybe three years...but with the therapy and regular checkups, we're positive it won't affect you for a long time, until you're older" he showed a smile to the three.

Paul and Mimi released sighs they didn't notice they were holding, while John started weeping, this time in happiness, turning around to bury himself in Mimi's chest.

Maybe the doctor was wrong, many things could go wrong.

But at least, John wasn't alone.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

John's body was limp in Mimi's arms.

He had a scary fit, that had consisted in some serious self harm by bumping very hard his head onto the wall.

He had started being more and more frustrated since the aches and pains in his body were growing.

Mimi had been concerned and had called the doctor, who assured her it was normal John was feeling like the medicines weren't giving him any comfort and he was getting worse instead of better.

"John, relax" whispered the woman, laying him down onto the sofa and covering him up with a large blanket.

The boy's body was tense, fists clenched and expression blank.

His auburn hair was completely messy after his head had been banging towards the wall. His eyes were bloodshot by crying, his skin pale and clammy, his body shivering constantly.

The boy winced as the back of his tender head hit the pillow and his huge eyes posed on Mimi’s face. The woman sighed, tenderly brushing back the sweaty hair to kiss his forehead.

"It's alright" 

John shook his head, a whine ripping out from him.

At that moment, he felt as helpless and vulnerable as a newborn.

Like everything could kill him.

His whole body was screaming in soaring pain and he just couldn't relax his muscles without feeling pins and needles in them.

He had woken up again with a very full nappy and the thing had sent him into a deep upheaval.

Wetting himself during the night was one thing; messing himself was another.

That was the cause of why he was so upset. He had tried to hurt himself, not even thinking straight about it.

He just wanted to feel something aside from that numbing pain.

"Mimi, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I'm scared" his tone was growing in pitch, his chest spasming.

He was having a difficult time breathing.

Paul, with the doctor's consent, had to increase the dose of pills for John.

After the diagnosis, he was struggling even worse with his mental health, so Paul, even if with a broken heart, had to increase them to lessen the chance of him suiciding.

Mimi knew the protocol by now. She leaned down and gathered John in her lap, also covering with the blanket.

She started rocking back and forth, letting John curl in her arms.

A hand posed over his forehead. Warmer than before. 

An alarm rang in her head, since John was quite warm.

He whined as she sneaked the cold thermometer under his arm, feeling the coldness tingling his skin.

Mimi saw the temperature; it was 38° degrees Celsius. High, but not to worry too much.

The doctor had told her to call her only if the temperature had reached 39° or 39,5° degrees.

John was getting more and more unfocused, eyes glassy, body spasming sometimes into Mimi’s arms.

The woman was still holding him tightly against her body, not wanting him to hurt himself.

“Auntie, I don’t want to die” he mumbled, eyes unfocused and breath laboured. His body was curled up and shivers were ranking it terribly.

Tears were streaming down his heated cheeks and he was completely dissociating from reality.

It seemed like there was no peace for the poor warrior that was John Lennon. At only 19, he had suffered a lot and nothing seemed like it was working.

Mimi was starting to doubt the efficacy of the medicines; John was showing signs of worsening condition. She knew it was too early to have a say. Medicines weren’t miracles, it took time for them to work.

Plus, John was on something pretty new and tested less than many other medicines.

But she was tired of seeing the desperation on her nephew’s face, of him feeling so useless and vulnerable.

She was tired of hearing him cry during the night and being in pain all the time.  
She was afraid of John’s progressive deterioration; he was getting more and more disillusioned as time passed.

The day before, she had found him sitting facing the wall; a shiver had gone through her body at his expression. Out of it, completely out of it.

He was smiling. But it didn’t look like a smile. It was lunatic and scary.

“John...what are you doing?” she asked, confused and a little concerned. The boy turned around, still sitting on the floor; his mouth was stretched into a large smile, but it looked fake. His pupils were dilated behind the lenses of his glasses.

“I’m talking with the Cheshire Cat, auntie” he said simply, gesturing to the empty wall next to him. Obviously, nothing was there.

“Johnny…” she walked closer, but as soon as her hand touched him, he started screaming loudly, body quivering and limbs flailing to defend himself from something only him was able to see.

It had taken quite a long time to calm him down and even when he wasn’t screaming and kicking anymore, he was still pretty agitated.

All that turmoil had, howerever, ended up all over his clothes as his stomach had rebelled, making him throw up everywhere.

“You got a bit of fever, darling” John was tucked sidaway into Mimi’s side, still trembling even if he was covered up by a thick woolen blanket.

He looked like a scared animal, all shivery and whiny. His aunt had put on his favourite film and yet, the boy couldn’t focus.

She would often ask what was wrong; “My tummy hurts very much, it cramps” admitted the boy, face red.  
“Poor thing” Mimi knew that one of the side effects was constipation or diarrhea; she also knew how sensible his tummy was.

“Okay, what about I make you some milk to sooth your tum, huh? D’you think it would help?” he nodded, so she left him to go to the kitchen.

“Oh, Elvis, I hate my brain so much” whispered the auburn haired boy at his kitty. The pet was incredibly loyal and was always near John, almost feeling his pain and knowing he needed some reassurance.

Elvis purred, kneading into the soft blanket covering John’s, before purring and settling down, watching John with his big cat eyes.

It was true that cats had more empathy than humans.

While waiting for Mimi’s return, his eyes fell onto the picture frame sitting on the shelf next to the sofa.   
Hazel eyes and black hair met his sight; perfectly arched eyebrows and the prettiest smile he had ever seen completed the heavenly portrait that was Paul McCartney.

In the picture, he was hugging John, who was laughing without a care in the world.

Paul was always making him feel safe into his arms. He loved John so much and John loved him back even more.

‘Who are you kidding?’ shouted the voice in the back of his head, ‘He doesn't love you’

‘Yes, he does’ screamed back John angrily. Paul loved him. He did. He would never lie on something like that, wouldn’t he?

'It's pity, you big cry baby' whispered again the nasty voice, 'Your brain is turning into mush and you're dragging everyone in your misery' 

'No. No. NO!'

He didn't even notice he started crying. Tears were silently streaming down his cheeks. His breath was hitching in his throat.

He suddenly felt a bad smell and warmness over his lower body.

He looked under the blanket, a loud shriek leaving his lips.

He can't believe it.

He stood up on shaky legs. The whole world twirled in front of his eyes.

He dizzily reached over, grabbing something, anything, to prevent his fall.

Elvis mewled loudly as John's body moved away, before scrambling away.

John only managed to take two steps and nothing more, before he went down to crash into the ground.

"JOHN!"

Mimi quickly grabbed him, holding him into a standing position, even if his legs were buckling and his whole body shivering madly.

The woman softly tutted, grabbing the side of his face, rubbing circles with her thumb onto his wet warm cheek.  
She then noticed a growing lump between the boy's buttcheeks, the trousers growing wet and stained.

"Oh, my darling boy" she whispered. John never needed nappies during the day, yet in the past few days he had more accidents than usual.

John's head lolled to the side, breath coming out in harsh gasps. He couldn't do it anymore.

Mimi had never seen her nephew so quiet and silent during a bath.

When he was a child, he would gladly play with his rubber ducks and toy boats, recreating a whole battle.

Now well into his 20s, he was mostly making concerts, singing songs at the top of his lungs while happily splashing in the scalding water.

Even when sick he was still reacting somehow.

But now, he was simply sitting there, staring at the water.

His face was pale, aside for the redness of his cheeks, which Mimi didn't know if it was for the fever, for the bath, or for any residual embarrassment from his accident.

After Mimi had gotten rid of his clothes, the poor humiliated boy couldn't help but mess even more, all the while crying loudly as Mimi quickly pushed him on the toilet.

Now, he was completely untalkative and was sinking into catatonia.

"Here, all done" she declared, helping him stand on shaky legs as she wrapped him into a towel, "C'mon, let's get ready for bed"

John meekly followed her, dragging his feet on the ground, breath still coming in puffs.

She put a nappy on him, something that seemed like he actually needed it.

After dressing him, she laid down next to him.

"Mims?" he asked confused, unsure. She only shushed him gently, "I want to sleep here with you, so I can monitor your fever easily" she whispered, tucking a strand of longish auburn hair behind his ear.

John smiled sleepily with a nod, cuddling closer and tucking himself into her chest, knowing that if Mimi was there, no bad monster would bother him.

In a heartbeat, he was asleep.

Mimi, however, couldn't fall asleep, only holding tightly to her boy, seeing his now peaceful expression and still shivering body.

John was getting worse. Both of them, and even Paul, could tell.

Hopefully, the cure was going to be efficient and slow John's fall into frustrating helplessness.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> This has gotten way longer than expected, but I'm quite proud with it!  
> John looks like he's getting worse, huh?  
> Enjoy and please give me your opinion on it!

John reached over with his hand, touching a bubble floating over his head.

His fingers passed through it, the bubble feeling jelly like at the touch, before it popped.

The auburn haired man only giggled, taking a little jump.

He twirled around in air that weirdly enough didn't have a temperature and his feet hit something soft.

Its colour was the one of the candy floss uncle George and aunt Mimi used to buy him at the fête when he was just a kid.

The memory made him smile, before sadness took over.

He missed those days.

He shook his head; no time to be sad.

He skipped along the candy floss field, when suddenly, his ears picked up at a sound.

It was a voice, sweet like sugar and warm like tea.

John furrowed his brows, the voice was Paul's.

Why was Paul's voice sounding like that, though?

It was sad, very sad.

"Paul?" he called, getting closer to the large tree in the middle of the field.

It was a large, red and white candy cane, with chocolate leaves dangling from the breeze, which smelled like caramel.

Paul was sitting under the tree, looking away.

"Paul!"

Nothing, Paul didn't even acknowledge him.

John's brows furrowed even more confused. One hand reached over to touch him.

Yet, the slight movement made him fall down.

John screamed.

Paul was white, lips purple.

John screamed again, trying to move away, but it felt like his feet were glued to the ground.

"P-Paul?" he called weakly, scared.

"You're dead, Johnny" whispered the corpse-Paul, a crazy glint into his eyes.

"N-No" stuttered out the auburn haired man, eyes wide and swelling with tears.

"Yes. Yes you're dead and we're all dead because of you"

"No! No! NO!"

"He's getting worse!" 

"Please, you have to keep calm-"

"He's fucking getting worse! You did nothing to help him and now...and now…"

"Mimi! He's not dead! He's not"

John's doctor and the nurse were uncomfortably watching their patient's aunt slowly going insane.

Paul was trying to calm Mimi down, but the woman wasn't believing any word coming out from their mouths.

"Your shitty cure isn't doing anything! Two weeks! Two! And he's getting worse!" she screamed, bordering hysteric.

She had marched up to the doctor, one finger hitting his chest painfully.

Who knew that someone as short and tiny as Mimi held so much homicidal rage.

"Mimi, c'mon"

The doctor sighed in relief when Paul managed to pull her away by dragging her from the arm, yet the gaze she sent his way still managed to send a scared shiver down his spine.

Paul couldn't help but understand why Mimi was so frantic.

He himself was quite scared. He didn't want to lose his boyfriend.

Mimi stomped her way up and down the aisle, hands coming up to ruffle her hair.

It was so weird seeing Mary 'Mimi' Smith act like that. Acting like a caged animal, all her composure damned.

She sighed deeply, "Paul, you believe me, don't you?" 

Her eyes were pleading, in a way Paul had never seen in such a harcore person like her.

She looked tired, exhausted; all the stress from the last week, but especially of the last 24 hours, was crashing her.

He sighed deeply, "Mimi, he knows what he's doing. He's a doctor" he didn't know what to do, really.

The woman scoffed, "I've seen many doctors doing wrong diagnosis and giving wrong therapies to patients. Remember, I'm a nurse" she stressed out the word nurse, almost to make it pass through Paul's thick head.

On that she was right.

Who knew if his mother would still be alive, had the doctors believed her and checked for any sign of that bad bad illness she was saying to have.

Instead, all they did was call her too obsessed, did a simple scan and visit and sent her home with some painkillers.

When the doctors finally understood and believed it was cancer, it was already too late for poor Mary McCartney.

If Paul wanted something, it was for his boyfriend to not do the same end of his mother.

"Okay, Mimi," he finally said, pushing himself away from the wall and standing straight in front of the older woman, "We'll investigate further" he agreed.

The smile she gave him, so full of proudness and hope, melted Paul's heart.

If he didn't know any better, she could have easily passed for John's biological mother.

The previous 24 hours had been the most stressful of Mimi's and Paul's lives.

The deterioration of John's health came suddenly and unexpectedly.

John had been feeling under the weather for pretty much the whole previous two weeks, but he was still somewhat coherent.

All his symptoms were mild, looking like the symptoms of a normal flu.

One of the tell tale signs which made Mimi alarm, though, was the unshakable headaches that were pestering him.

No matter if he was taking aspirins and sleeping a lot, he was neverending tired and in pain.

Paul suspected something was wrong when John started snapping at him.

Wherever he was asking him if something was wrong, if he was in any pain or if he needed something, John would snap at him, only to start crying minutes after the rage.

Yes, John was often moody. But his behaviour was getting way worse and out of hand.

He was plagued by nightmares, which wasn't anything new. John often had nightmares.

But now, it seemed like he was having daytime nightmares: real hallucinations.

He had gotten paranoid, often bursting out in tears at random times.

Again, Paul knew how his mind could trick him, but even with the usual pills, it was getting worse.

He didn't want to increase the intake of his pills anymore. John had already shown signs of lethargic behaviour when too high on meds, plus everything he had to take for his declining health.

The real nightmare, though, had started the night before.

Mimi was softly rubbing his back as he spit and puked into the toilet, body trembling terribly.

He was very weak. To the point he had troubles walking and moving.

His whole body felt stiff, his fingers failing to properly grip on things.

He was delirious, eyes barely able to focus on anything as he struggled to take every breath.

Mimi had taken in consideration the idea of bringing him to the hospital; the doctor's thought of the reaction being normal be damned.

She finally made up her mind when she understood how much John was struggling to stay conscious.

His face pale, dark bags under his cloudy eyes. The wheeze following every breath.

How he was growing weaker.

He now needed pretty much help for everything, even things he had been proud to be able to do on his own, such as dressing.

John perfectly knew his limitations.

Being forced to wear diapers to both urinate and defecate during the day and being almost spoon fed would have been embarrassing to him, if only he would have been even slightly more coherent than how he was most days now.

She had left him alone for only a second, a second, that's it, to go and change herself out of her pyjama, ready to take him to the hospital.

A loud thump coming from the room John was in.

She only had the time to put on her clothes, that he had fainted in the other room.

"John, are you okay?" she asked running in.

She froze in her spot, eyes wide.

John was seizing on the floor.

Her brain quickly snapped in nurse mode; running to him, she quickly grabbed his head, putting it on her lap so it wouldn't hit the floor.

She knew what to do, but she was scared shitless anyway.

Counting the time between every fit; tears swimming in her eyes.

She saw the foam in his mouth, the tears blotching his cheeks and she quickly rolled him on the side, patting harshly on his back.

It was only when he had spit out all the whitish foam that she was finally able to breath again.

John had become a whimpering, whining mess.

He was wet, sweaty and in pain, Mimi couldn't blame him for being so fussy.

She changed him quickly, with the professionalism she had acquired with her job; in just a couple of minutes, he was clean and warmed up in his coat, on his way to the car into Mimi's arms, eyes droopy in a mixture of high on medicines and confusion because of the recent seizure still present in him.

'He has lost weight' had thought the woman, worriedly feeling the different weight in her arms.

When John had been safely into a hospital bed, nurses getting him ready to get visited, she had quickly stepped to one of the payphones in the lobby, calling Paul to inform him of the situation.

Here, almost 24 hours later, Paul and Mimi were still in the waiting room.

Mimi had complained against the doctor, telling every doubt about him to the main doctor.

He had agreed and assigned another doctor to the patient.

Mimi believed it was because she was good at persuading; Paul believed it was because they didn't want another crazy fit from the woman.

But Paul had to give her the fact she was very naggy when she wanted, just like John.

Even if the previous doctor had complained, the new doctor had quickly assured her place and dominance.

Paul smiled softly at the older woman. She was exhausted.

When the new doctor had shown her skills by knowing that the medication given by the previous doctor to John had only a placebo effect, she had calmed down.

She had fallen asleep, using Paul's shoulder as a pillow, and the man had let her.

Only God knew how little she had slept those days.

Paul too was pretty knackered, but he had promised Mimi he would keep an eye on John and how the visit was going.

The last thing Paul wanted was to anger Mimi and be at the end of her rage.

He was very angry with the previous doctor; how could he lie to them on a thing so delicate like the health of a person.

The man had admitted everything under Mimi's and Paul's, but of the police too, who were promptly called by the hospital's chief, presence.

Basically since he didn't really believe there was something wrong with John's brain, he decided to give him some medicine which was usually given to hypochondriacs.

"But he's having real troubles and now he's risking his life" Doctor Amelia Shepherd, the new promising neurologist of the hospital, had argued.

The man broke into a cold sweat, "Well, yeah, there...there was some damage in the brain tissue...but...but it's already been declared he has a brain damage…" he had stuttered out.

"You...You little piece of shit" Mimi had marched closer and never had Paul seen her so furious, "My nephew is anything but lying"

"But…"

"You thought he was lying only because according to you he had the mentality of a child, didn't you?" she hissed at him through gritted teeth and Paul would have thought it was funny seeing the man, who was way taller and bulkier than Mimi, squeak terrified.

It had been a relief when the man got in trouble, the police and the hospital promising them they would have investigated all his cases to see how many people he had frauded before.

And now, Paul had to supervise the new doctor.

He already liked her; she was quirky, she was funny and most of all she didn't treat John like a child.

She was now worriedly looking at the newest CT Scan she had required, blue eyes narrowed.

"Is there something wrong, doctor?" whispered Paul, looking up at her with worry.

"And you are, Sir…"

"Paul McCartney, you can call me Paul. I'm John's boyfriend...and therapist" he said. He got up, lowering Mimi down on the sofa fully, covering her back up with his own jacket, before walking closer to the bed.

John had never looked paler than now.   
His beautiful auburn hair was soaked with sweat. His face was pale, too pale, yet his cheeks were flushed from that damn fever.

The thin hospital gown was also soaked with sweat, yet he was trembling, even if unconscious.

The most scary sight, though, was the breathing mask over his nose and mouth, helping him breath.

Paul saw as the doctor did everything she needed: she checked his reflex, his pupils and she made sure he was getting the proper hydration from the IV.

She had declared a comatose state on her patient; the body was weak and struggling to heal from whatever was making him so sick.

"What does the scan show?" asked Paul once she had finished checking everything and had grabbed the folder again.

She sighed, "There is quite the damage, it seems. But the weird thing is, this is going on longer than two weeks. Longer than a year too" 

"What? He never showed any symptoms!"

Both Paul and Dr.Shepherd turned around, to see Mimi awake and sitting up.

Her expression was confused, hair messy from sleeping and Paul swore he could almost see John in her.

Oh, how he missed John's innocent expression, his infectious giggle and smile and his sweetness.

How he longed to see his beautiful brown eyes again.

"Yes, this brain deterioration seems like it has been going on for a long time. And I'm not talking about the damage given by his mother...but something deeper…" said the doctor, slightly unsure.

"Couldn't it be...couldn't it be the same damage, only much worse than what all the previous doctors had seen?" Mimi was now standing next to the bed, eyes desperate as she looked at her nephew.

John was completely still, but sometimes, little whimpery sounds were coming out from his mouth.

He was probably dreaming, had explained the blue eyed woman to an incredulous Paul, who didn't believe people actually dreamed when in a coma.

The woman had explained that John wasn't actually in a real coma; he was simply fighting off a very high fever, so his body was doing everything it could to lower the temperature.

What they didn't know was that John was scared shitless of the place he was in.

Everything was dark and scary. John was scared of the dark actually.

He kept walking around, not knowing where to go, desperately searching for anything.

He could hear voices talking in the distance, but his distorted hearing wasn't making him understand anything.

"Did ya get lost, lad?"

He whipped around, not believing his ears.

Big and square, yet soft at the edges. Salt and pepper hair. That big beer belly and the softest face a man his age could have.

"Uncle George!" screamed John, running wide eyed to him.

"You've gotten so big! You're probably way taller than your auntie by now. And I saw your boyfriend, I have to admit you have good tastes" he winked at the younger man, who smiled.

But the smile was quick to disappear as a disturbing thought creeped into his head, 'Wait, am I dead?' he thought. George had been dead for almost 10 years now, what-?

"Lad, you're thinking too much, I can hear the gears turning into yer head" he teased him the older man, his Scouser accent coming out.

"Uncle, am I...am I…" he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, but the man understood nevertheless.

"Dead?" the boy flinched, "No, you're not. But you have to be careful, lad. If your temperature keep on rising, you will join me" 

'But I want to join you, uncle!' screamed a voice in his head.

He had noticed that all the horrible pain he had been feeling before had disappeared.

His head felt lighter, the building pressure suffocating his brain had disappeared; his eyes didn't burn, his stomach didn't churn and he wasn't feeling like he was unable to breath.

Being there, wherever he was, was better.

The disturbing thought made his bottom lip quiver and he looked back up at his uncle.

But something wasn't right.

George's face, that bellowed face was morphing;

He was talking, yet he couldn't register a word: the voice was getting higher in pitch; the black and white hair was slowly start to morph into fox coloured locks;   
His face was turning into a slim, freckled face with a cruel smirk on full red lips;

His big body had turned into a petite one.

John couldn't help the distressed whine leaving his lips.

The woman of his nightmares was back.

"Oh, Johnny" called the high pitched voice, "Didn't you miss me?"

John only shook his head, eyes closing tight.

"Oh, you little cunt, you deserve all of this"

"No"

"You do. You ruined my life. You little piece of shit, why didn't you decide to die when I tried to abort you?" 

Those words hurt. John remembered his mummy telling him she had tried to kill him off more than once.

Why, though?

"No, no, no!"

"You're unlovable, John Winston Lennon"

"It's not true! Auntie Mimi loves me! Uncle George loved me! Paul loves me! And then there are Cyn, Brian and Stu too!" he screamed.

The pain in his head was returning, steady and full of pressure. He felt like his brain was pulsing and burning.

Bile was rising in his mouth and he could feel the impending signs of his bowels pressing down.

He started screaming, scalding hot pain going throughout his whole body, inflaming every nerve ending.

When his bleary eyes opened, he wasn't in the scary dark place anymore.

Dr.Shepherd had just finished explaining what she thought the problem with John was, when they all heard movement from behind them.

They turned around, all gasping as they saw John sitting up.

His almond shaped eyes were wide with fear and his trembling was even worse.

He was shouting, but he didn't even seem coherent.

The heart monitor was showing that his heart was beating fast, as fast as a rabbit running away from predators.

In seconds, the three of them were around the bed.

"Mrs. Smith" said the doctor with urgency, "We're short on staff and you're a nurse"

Mimi understood what she was impling, nodding and quickly grabbing John.

He wasn't even struggling and his screams had gotten weaker, stopping completely when his aunt managed to get the sedative into his arm.

"I'm sorry, my love" she whispered, leaving kisses on the side of his head as he calmed down.

He was awake, looking at Mimi with huge eyes, little whimpers leaving his lips as he struggled to reach out, hands frantically trying to grasp tighter her shirt.

Mimi let him drag her down to his level, hugging him gently and whispering comforting words.

His eyes then locked with Paul's and he made a noise, high in his throat. Paul got closer too, hugging him close.

In all that fever induced haziness, Paul could see a glint of John's true self shining through. It almost reassured him in some ways.

Outside, snow had just started falling, as the three stayed locked into their hug.

They could only hope for something good to happen and for John's pain to stop.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

“Sweetie, can you tighten your hand?” Amelia Shepherd was holding John’s hands into hers.

She was going to test his reflex and his take on reality, since John was often out of consciousness or even disillusioned towards everything.

John was sitting up in bed, back propped up by pillows; he was too weak to sit on his own anymore.

She smiled as he squeezed her hand; good grip, a tad weak, but nothing concerning.

She checked his pupils next, making him whine and try to wiggle away, then she smiled, leaving him alone.

John was still feeling weak. He was still in critical condition and was often coming out of fainting spells.

He even had another scary seizure which had required the intervention of four nurses to keep him down while the proper antibiotics were shot into his arms.

“Mimi, it hurts...it hurts…” his voice was growing weaker and weaker, making Mimi’s heart ache.

“Sweetie, I’m here, I’m here. You’re not alone, okay?” she whispered, gently rubbing his arm. He whined uncomfortably and sniffled.

“What’s wrong? You’re in pain?” he shouldn’t be, thought Mimi, the nurse had just given him a dose of painkillers and also the antibiotics to slow down the deterioration.

He was always hooked up onto the IV, constantly dripping the medicine into his pale, scrawny arm.

She looked at him in search of an answer, but John had since long gone into a far far place into his own mind.

Mimi discretely lifted the covers; she was right, he needed a nappy change.

He was on diapers 24/7 now. They had tried to put a catheter on him for urinating, and proposing to help him whenever he had to go to the bathroom for the number two, as he called it.

But John had freaked out as soon as they had tried to get too close to him; nestled into Paul’s arms with tears in his eyes, he was the perfect image of the distressed girl.

So the doctor and nurses had agreed with Mimi and Paul to diaper him, but only if he could be changed only by Mimi, Paul and a nurse he had befriended, Linda.

Linda was a blonde haired, independent woman, always smiling. John had seen her with a camera and was awed by it.

it wasn’t a simple camera like John’s, it was a professional one.

Linda had been contaged by John’s contagious giggle and childlike innocence, never belittling his feelings and emotions.

She was always there for him, just like his aunt and boyfriend.

"Hi, Mimi. How is John?"

Linda entered the room, her strawberry blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail.

She walked close to the bed, looking at the thin body underneath the covers.

Mimi smiled, just getting out of the bathroom. "John is doing fine, doctor said his reflexes are a bit better and he's actually a bit more lucid" she said, resuming her place next to his bed.

John was indeed a bit more lucid, but his fever was nowhere near gone.

The poor boy was still having scary hallucinations, the latest being him seeing his mother in the room.

Julia, he had told Mimi, was simply staring at him with a bloodied smile and she was sometimes whispering to him that he deserved to die.

"John, no, you don't deserve to die" had whispered Mimi, softly caressing his face and head until he was back asleep.

Linda changed his IV and took away the covers; they were going to do some simple stretching exercises since John was bedridden most of the time.

The boy whined as Linda and Mimi stretched his limbs, massaging the tight muscles.

"Hurt...hurt…" he whined, eyes opening only a fraction before falling shut again, little whimpers making their way out of his mouth as he was manhandled.

"Okay, all done" declared Linda, smiling down at the boy, who immediately curled up on one side. Mimi furrowed a brow, "I think you need a bath, John"

"No...it hurts…"

"Sweetie, you don't even have to move. A spongebath sounds good" said the older woman, "Linda, can you get the necessary items?"

The younger woman nodded, "Of course. But you want to do it on your own?"

A glint lit the older woman's eyes as she reached down to smooth a crease on the sheet, "I'm sure Paul will be happy to help me wash him" Linda laughed knowingly and went out to get Mimi what she asked.

When Paul arrived from work, punctual like always, all Mimi did to greet him was throwing him the sponge.

"What…?"

"I'm giving John a bath and you're gonna help me" she simply said, without even looking at him as she got the plastic sheet ready.

"Okay, I'm perfectly fine with that" grinned the doe eyed boy, quickly getting close to the bed.

Mimi only nodded in approval as she reached over for a sponge.

Paul had never seen John so still ever in the time they've known each other.

He was awake, or at least Paul thought so. His eyes were open, yet very glazed as he blinked around slowly, sometimes whining.

Mimi and Paul were often shushing him gently as to not spook him, it was quite easy to bring him back into a calm state.

A pat on the head, a belly rub, some soft strokes on his arm and he was instantly calm.

"So" Mimi broke the silence, gazing up at Paul for a second before looking back down as the soapy rug scrubbed John's pale arm, careful to not pull any little tube out, "What are you gonna do?"

Paul was startled by the question and looked up, "What I'm gonna do…? What do you mean?"

The woman understood he was genuinely confused and had no clue of what she was saying.

She sighed, putting down the sponge and staring at him, dark eyes attentive.

"Paul, you heard the doctor. The chances of him coming out of this completely unharmed are thin"

He gulped, "Thin but not impossible" he whispered, looking at her with his big puppy eyes.

"It's all Julia's fault. And mine too. I should have kept a closer eye to her when she was pregnant and when John was just born" she whispered, blaming herself for what had happened to him.

They wouldn't be in this place if Julia hadn't been so selfish and provoked that.

"No, Mimi, it's not your fault in any way, shape and form" he reassured her with a soft smile.

His eyes posed down onto his boyfriend's face. The damned flush from the persistent fever was still colouring red his cheeks and it was clear he had lost a bit of weight.

His hand lingered over his, before softly grabbing it, bringing it up to kiss.

"Mimi, I know. He's going to probably need help for a long time, maybe forever. But it's something I'm willing to do, y'know? I love him" his voice had gone soft, but he didn't sound resigned.

He sounded full of love.

"I'm gonna take care of him. I'm gonna love him forever and ever. He's my soulmate, I know he would do the same for me" he finished washing the arm, before getting closer to the head of the bed.

"C'mon, help me wash his back and bottom and back of his legs" he said, nodding to him.

With the most utter care, he lifted him up, apologising softly as John protested the sudden movement.

John's eyes had opened, lackluster and droopy as he inadvertently drooled on Paul's shoulder, where his face was resting.

"Okay, it's all over, let's get dressed, should we? You enjoyed your bath very much, didn't you?" he was talking softly, holding him close to his chest while Mimi dressed him into a fresh gown and a clean nappy.

"Soon, love" he whispered to his face and maybe for the first time since the worsening of his symptoms, John's eyes focused on something, on his beautiful boyfriend's face, "We will bathe into a large bath, with hundreds and hundreds of bubbles, do you like the idea?"

John only made a sound from the back of his throat, but Mimi knew it meant he was happy and had understood what had been said.

She smiled tenderly. Yes, Paul was the right person for her Johnny.

As she leaned down to kiss his head, John finally acknowledged her too, making a keen noise and weakly lifting an arm so she could get hugged too.

She was positive now. Everything was going to be alright no matter how sick John was and how their lives would be forever changed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

Being John's boyfriend wasn't always easy.

John was often in need of comfort and Paul knew he was some form of caretaker.  
He knew it, he knew John wasn't going to be completely self-sufficient.

Paul was ready to take care of him forever; he knew John loved him and he loved him too.

But now, John was really needing someone to take care of him.

The exams, all the CT Scans and overall John's general condition weren't great.  
The pressure in his brain was steady, they were all scared about John's brain slowly suffocating and growing weaker because of it.

John was in pain if not sedated and even when he was awake, he wasn't really in a coherent state.

Paul looked down into the bed, where John was motionlessly laying in.

How he missed him running around. Memories of the night they went out to see the fireworks together flashed into his mind, sending him into a nostalgic mood.

It had been magical. Paul remembered how John's eyes had lit up at the sight of the colourful sparkles and how they made love afterwards.

Though, that night was probably the first time John's symptoms had shown themselves.

All his aches, his cries, his constant nausea. Paul should have seen it.

He knew Mimi also blamed herself for not having noticed it sooner. But they both knew it wasn't their fault.

"His condition has existed since childhood" had explained Dr.Amelia Shepherd, as she eyed the two sadly.

Paul looked down at his hands, sighing softly. The sun had long since gone down and the two of them were still at the hospital.

Since Mimi was a nurse, they have permitted her to stay in John's rooms, bringing two cots for her and Paul to sleep in during the rather long hospital stay.

"How it wasn't visible and he didn't show any symptoms?" Mimi asked meekly, exhausted from the long day.

The whole situation had stressed her so much. She was barely sleeping, eating bland hospital food and taking care of John almost constantly.

She was professional just like a nurse, but also cared for John like a mother; and she was, she was John's only maternal figure he ever had.

"These things can sometimes take a long time to show," explained the younger woman. She was sympathetic. Poor woman, she had to go through hell with her nephew pretty much his whole life.

She could also see how much Paul loved him. He could have gone away when he learnt of the possible diagnosis and yet, he stayed.

Not even for pity, but for love.

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Paul. Sure, John was on therapy with a big intake of antibiotics and cures, but he wanted his boyfriend to get better and Amelia couldn't blame him.

She sighed deeply, blue eyes taking in their worn-out faces, "Just be there for him. He needs all the love and affection he can get" she was disappointed she couldn't give them more information about what was happening.

She, just like them, only knew that the brain tissue had been deteriorating slowly, imperceptible.

A bit today, a bit the day after, until the damage was big enough to cause serious damage.

She had studied hard all the scans done throughout the years, as John needed to do them yearly in order to actually know how mentally behind he was and if he was improving, and yes, she could see some changes, but it was also true that he had been growing.

She returned to her paperwork as Mimi and Paul made their way back to the bedroom.

John was still, obviously, in bed, but he was awake, something which was rarer as time passed.

Linda was changing his IV bag, gently talking to him, "I'm sure your boyfriend and auntie are coming back soon" she reassured the boy, gently stroking his bed hair when she was finished with her task.

John's almond shaped eyes slowly posed over the two, a little happy shriek making its way out of his mouth.

"Hey baby" cooed Paul, leaning down to kiss him straight on the lips, humming in delight.

These were the days where he was a bit more lucid; where he could tell apart reality from hallucinations or dreams. 

Their days had inevitably changed from how they used to be. Now John needed to be taken care of 24/7 with everything.

If Paul felt like a caretaker before, now he felt like a dad taking care of his infant son.

In some ways, John needed the utter care someone would give a newborn child.

Even Mimi's maternal instinct had gotten stronger. She was often singing softly, holding him against her chest as she calmed him down from any crying spell or pain induced nightmare.

All his tears in the past, all those seemingly unmotivated times he had been crying it was probably because he was in pain, sick and confused, adding everything to his already thin mental health.

Paul didn't want to think about all the pain John had been in before he could get medicines.

"Auntie" Paul turned around to see Mimi sitting on the chair next to the bed. He noticed she had pulled up her hair, a lot of complicated looking braids and she looked completely soft as she held John's hand in hers.

"What's up?" she smiled down at him, making John sleepily look at her, "Will you read me Alice in Wonderland?" 

While the woman searched for the treasured book, John turned his head to look at Paul.

"Paulie, come here too, I want cuddles" he demanded and Paul just had to smile at the cuteness of his boyfriend.

He walked to the bed, going down to sit on the chair before making up his mind; toing off his shoes, he climbed in bed with John, smiling as he immediately curled up into his side.

He remembered him as a cat and immediately Paul thought about Elvis Buddy the cat, who was now in the care of one of Mimi's sisters.

Maybe he could bring it to the hospital for a visit, to cheer John up. 

Surely, Spottie the dog was there, the stuffed puppy had been of great comfort to the boy.

Paul turned his attention to Mimi who, like a mother with his toddler son, had started reading the fairytale with a gentle voice.

With John cuddled into his side and his hands interwined into the messy auburn locks, Paul let himself drift of to sleep.

When McCartney returned to his senses, all he could hear was a high, continuing noise.

His mind, still groggy with sleep, couldn't register what the noise was at first, but when he finally understood, his eyes snapped open and he sat up straighter in bed wide eyed.

He frantically looked around when he found out John wasn't laying in bed next to him like before. What if he had rolled off and fell? What if he had tried to get up on his own and fell down?

A single thud could have easily hurt his already delicate head; the last thing he needed were other damage to his brain.

Paul instantly looked down to the other side of the bed, but John was luckily not down there.

Only after a shushing sound was registered into his brain too.

A quick look was all he needed to assure that John was safe and sound into his aunt's arms.

Mimi had gotten him out of the bed and was walking around the room slowly, dragging behind the pole where his IVs were connected to. John was crying, bordering hysteric and Paul's heart broke into a million pieces.

Poor John, he was in so much pain.

Mimi looked at him, keeping on shushing and gently rubbing his back in soothing circles, until he stopped screaming.

"Paul", she whispered, walking towards the bed, where Paul was now sitting up rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleepiness, "I think I know why he's in pain"

"Can't you give him anything?" asked confused the boy, looking at John's pained face. He was still into his aunt's arms, tears leaking from his eyes.

Mimi bit her lip, "I think his belly hurt... because I know he hasn't made one yesterday and today either" 

Paul's face flushed red, but he knew she was right. He nodded, "Right, how can you make him go, though?" 

Doctors had restricted oral intakes of everything, so they couldn't slip any laxative into his food.

"I think an enema is what will work best…" admitted the woman, flushing just a tiny bit. She didn't want to put her nephew through anymore pain, but she knew he would feel better with an empty belly.

Paul agreed, even if a bit hesitant.

Mimi made Linda go get her a kit for the procedure, also pulling plastic sheets under him and getting a new diaper.

"Okay Paul, roll him up onto his side and bunch up his legs towards his chest" she instructed, sounding completely professional.

Paul did as he was told, cooing and shushing John as he cried out in pain.

He whined as she pushed the little tube up his bottom, and Paul started rubbing his belly to make the pain a little more bearable.

Once, that single thing they were doing to him would have made him squirm and blush in embarrassment, yet now he was completely putty into their hands.

"You're doing so good, Johnny. Soon you will have an empty tummy and it will feel so much better" cooed softly Mimi, quickly pulling close the thick disposable nappy on his hips.

John was crying loudly, but they both knew he was too far away to feel any embarrassment. He was so far away that he could have been completely naked in front of someone he wouldn't have even noticed.

"Shhh, it's all right" Paul was hugging him, feeling the nappy hugely sag under the arm supporting his bottom as he cradled him on his lap.

When John was completely empty, nappy messily hanging between his thighs, Paul laid him back down onto the bed, Mimi quickly getting down to work to clean him up.

As she babytalked, because that's what she was doing, to him throughout the change, with John completely spent and silent, Paul couldn't help but fall into his mind.

How that was probably going to be his life now, between doctor appointments, constant worry, diapers and bibs, and sleepless nights.

Paul just hoped for John to be cured, he didn't care if he was going to be his full time caretaker. 

He just wanted to give his boyfriend the little independence he had before.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> I've updated a lot those days, wow!  
> Enjoy!

It was cold and the hair was crispy out.

Mimi had climbed up to the roof to get some fresh hair.

She sat down near the edge, not close enough to fall, but close enough she could see the cars and lights below.

She exhaled, head threw back, as she looked at the starry sky. John loved stars.

She brought a cigarette up to her mouth with a sigh.

She was thinking about quitting work to take care of John full time if he couldn't fully recover.

Paul had tried to talk her out of it, claiming he could be the one taking care of him, but she straight up refused, "You just started working, Paul. No, you can't quit now" she had insisted.

She had gotten angry with him a little and had walked there to have a little alone time.

"Mimi"

She turned around, staring at the figure coming closer. Paul sighed, sitting next to her.

She took a cigarette out of the package, handing it to him as he accepted it with a soft thanks.

"How is he? Is he sleeping?" she asked, not looking at him. Paul hummed, "He is. He was thirsty and I helped him drink a bit of water" he explained.

He was tired and overwhelmed, afraid of being a burden to their lives.

Paul loved him very much, but he was afraid. Afraid of him being only a caretaker to John and not a boyfriend anymore.

But he wouldn't give up on him.

He loved him. He wanted to be there for him, be a lover or a caretaker.

They decided to walk back into the room, stubbing their cigarettes out before making their way side by side. 

"Where were you?" whispered John, eyes wide as he looked up as the two entered the room.

He was a bit more coherent, but he was still very weak.  
The doctor was closely monitoring him, but had allowed some physiotherapy.

John had been very confused, but hadn't complained as long as Paul and Mimi were there with him.

Sadly, Paul was going to be at work at that time, but John had been reassured by the presence of Mimi.

"We were smoking a cigarette and having a chat" softly said Mimi, sitting down next to him.

"Cigarettes are bad for your health, auntie" scolded John, letting her pull him up into a sitting position. Paul rushed over to put the pillows under his back to not make him fall.

John's hands were weak, so were his legs and he was tired only by holding his head up and his eyes open.

"I know, my boy, but you don't have to worry about us, alright? You have to try and get better, okay?" said gently Paul, brushing his hair away from his face.

John nodded, wincing at the movement. His eyes were burning and his arm hitched from the many needles in it.

He started whining and moving around, eyes slipping close and lungs burning. He coughed a little, then some more.

A glass was pressed to his lips, the cool water sliding down his throat like a blessing.

"Shhhh, everything is better now" was whispering a voice into his ear and a hand was tracing circles on his back.

John pushed away the glass with weak shaky hands, drool mixed to water rolling down from the corner of his lip. 

Paul softly wiped it away, climbing back into the bed and wrapping his arms around his body, pushing him against his own chest.

John snuggled against him immediately, eyes blinking sleepily, until he was back into a semi coherent state, small whines still making their way out of his mouth.

Mimi sighed, laying down onto her cot.

The next day was going to be difficult.

"I can't do it, I can't do it! It hurts! Stop the hurt!" 

Mimi's heart was breaking, tears were coming up to her eyes.

She couldn't stand all of that, it was too painful.

John was full out crying, eyes wide and terrified, his whole face messy between tears, snot and sweat.

Since John had shown signs of improvement, the doctor had pulled him up on his feet and it had resulted in him crying and screaming bloody murder.

He was holding himself onto a walker, his limbs trembling. He was very unstable, so a nurse was holding him with a hand on his back.

John was screaming so loud Mimi was sure his screams could be heard from the outside too.

"No! No! No!" he kept repeating, eyes wide, he was openly sobbing and in pain.

He didn't even take a step yet and he was completely soaked in sweat. 

Suddenly, his legs buckled and his weak arms gave out his weight.

Mimi quickly stepped to grab him, pulling the sobbing boy up before he hit the ground.

"You've strained yourself too much, love" she whispered, shushing his apologies, "It's alright, my sweet boy. You're still too weak, it's alright"

John let himself be lifted into his aunt's arms, his legs still spasming.

After the woman had pulled him onto the bed, she sat at the foot of it, softly rubbing her hands over his sore muscles.

No, John wasn't definitely ready to stand on his own legs, let alone walk. He could barely stand helped by someone.

"I guess it was too early" declared the doctor, looking at the sobbing boy sadly.

John was so worn-out by the little exercise he had done, he was sweating and was almost slipping unconscious.

"Hey, John love" 

His tired eyes moved to the door, where Paul had just entered from, holding a bag.

"Hi…" he whispered, voice never growing in loudness.

"How did it go?" asked the dark haired boy worriedly. John kept silent, barely moving when Paul heavily sat onto the chair by the side of the bed.

"Not so well, Johnny wasn't ready" explained Mimi simply, one hand going to stroke his side softly.

Paul nodded, "Well, I brought some treats anyway" he said, grabbing the bag. After a dramatic silent, he opened it, taking out of it three plastic cups, a thermos and a biscuit package.

"For you with all my love" he simply said, passing him the package.

"Oh! They're Chocolate Olivers!" exclaimed John, eyes lighting up, "They're my favourite!"

Paul smiled in delight, it was the first real smile John had made those days.

"Just one, John, or you're gonna get an upset tummy," said Mimi, ripping open the packet anyway and picking out only one biscuit each.

They enjoyed some times together like that, all the fear and worry pushed to the back of their minds, at least for now.

It was almost like they were all back at Mendips, drinking the afternoon tea together.

After munching on a biscuit and having drank some tea with the help of Mimi, John had fallen back asleep almost immediately, holding Spottie tight in his arms.

Paul noticed how Mimi's expression had quickly morphed into a serious and sad one as she sipped quietly her tea.

Her dark eyes were clouded with upheaval and discomfort as her tired gaze didn't move from John's sleeping form.

"Mimi" he called, only getting a distracted hum as an acknowledgement.

He sighed, knowing she wasn't listening to him, "I thought about shaving off all my hair" he decided to say.

"Oh, yeah, I think it's great" said automatically the woman and Paul smirked smugly as she then froze, "Wait, what?" 

"You weren't listening to me" said Paul with a petulant pout.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. Now I'm listening" she said, turning around to face him.

Paul sighed, "Something is bothering you, I can easily see it"

"Damn I forget sometimes you're a therapist" sighed the woman, but she couldn't keep a straight face for more than two seconds, before cracking up.

"It's nothing important. I'm just concerned"

"Mimi"

"It's true"

"You haven't slept more than a couple of hours for almost a week and you've been smoking more" 

"Are you spying me, McCartney?"  
"You're basically always smoking when you're not taking care of John"

She scoffed and crossed her arms against her chest with a small pout, just like John would have done.

"Mimi, just admit it"

"Fine" she threw her hands up to the hair, "I'm concerned, okay? I'm concerned a lot. You don't joke with a brain issue, especially as serious as John's" now that she had started, she couldn't stop and Paul was there to listen.

"We could have avoided all of this if only I would have noticed the symptoms sooner" she sighed deeply, running a hand through her hair, "I can't lose him. Not him too"

Paul nodded at her to keep talking and she continued, "When my husband died, I was in such a state I thought about killing myself. I almost thought of killing John and then myself, so we could join George in heaven" she wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall, "But then I was pulled back to my senses when John had also started thinking about suicide"

"How do you know?" 

"It's easy to pull the truth out of him, y'know? Especially if he's sleepy. He told me he wanted to join uncle soon and that made me realise how he was feeling"

Paul's mind flashed with imagines of Mimi being so depressed she didn't just think of suiciding, but of killing John too so he could be forever with her and her husband.

He thought of the two, dying together with Mimi hugging John, telling him it would have been all better soon and the pain would have gone away.

His eyes posed over her face. She looked full of remorse and sadness.

She noticed she was barely holding herself together, her knuckles white for how much she was tightening her hands.

"Mimi, yes, you have and I have to be strong for John. But this doesn't mean you're not allowed to cry" he said firmly.

Mimi had always kept her emotions at bay and it was a matter of time before she bursted.

She shook her head, but she was melting into sobs.

Paul quickly reached for her, holding her softly against himself.

"I just want some happiness and peace for my boy" she whispered, choking over her own words.

Paul nodded, "I know, me too"

When she was calmer, she wordlessly slipped out of Paul's arms and climbed in bed with John.

The boy whimpered a little when she moved him, opening a little his eyes, before settling down to sleep again.

Paul could only watch, feeling like Mimi and him could be John's guardian angels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be more on John's pov


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

Everything hurt badly.

John couldn't even hear his thoughts anymore from the strong pulsating pain throughout his body.

He felt like his whole head was wrapped into gauze and his whole body felt tingly.

But it wasn't a pleasant kind of tingly. It was numbing whenever he wasn't touching anything and yet, whenever something touched his limbs, pain would spread.

He was crying almost all the time, he wanted the pain to stop. He wanted his head to stop feeling like it was full of heavy rocks.

But most of all, he wanted his auntie Mimi and his beautiful boyfriend Paul to be happy and not having to worry so much for him.

Warm, not too hot though, broth trickled down his throat. Some of it managed to trickle down his chin, dampening the napkin tied as a bib to his neck.

His heavy tired eyes posed onto Mimi's face, who was spooning him the warm soup. She looked so tired.

Her once fiery eyes were now looking so tired. She was pale with dark bags under her eyes.

She was so drained from all energy. And yet, there she was, taking care of him just like he was a baby all over again.

Sadness filled him immediately. With a small noise, he turned his head away from the spoon, looking at her with sad eyes.

"You don't want it anymore, Johnny? You know soup can soothe your tummy and helps you make a poop" she said gently, spooning a bit more of soup into the item.

John groaned at his aunt's choice of words, but shook his head anyway.

He lifted a hand towards her face, trembling, "Tired" he simply said.

He was so weak he couldn't even speak aside for broken words and small noises.

Everything hurt even with those short communications.

"Oh, you're tired? Do you want me to read you a bedtime story?" here she was again, fussing over him.

John shook his head, not without difficulties, pointing at her, "You're tired" he said, explaining.

Mimi sighed, "A bit. But it's not a problem, I'd gladly help you back to health" she said with a sweet smile.

John's brows furrowed imperceptibly, "Sleep. I'm fine" 

"No, love. But you're a good boy, concerned about your auntie. But I'm alright and I love to take care of you, alright?" she asked. When he nodded, albeit reluctantly, she smiled even more, starting feeding him again.

In the end, he managed to eat almost the whole bowl, even if he was now feeling very sluggish.

"Alright, now you can sleep" smiled Linda, bandaging his arm so he wouldn't be able to rip the needle out if he moved during sleep.

John sluggishly moved, hands fisted near his head as he felt more and more sleepy.

His whole body was hurting way too much, he knew he could escape the pain only by a deep sleep, hoping to not feel it during sleep too.

Mimi gently tucked the cover tightly around John's body, so he would be comfy and cozy. 

She smiled, leaning down to kiss him, making him sigh in his sleep through his nose.

Her mind took her back to what he told her, that he knew she was tired.

But Mimi wasn't, not really. She was worried, sure, but not so tired. Her love for him was enough to keep her going.

When John started moaning a little in pain, breath hitching, she quietly lifted him out of the bed with all the covers, which were quickly kicked off by his flailing legs.

"Johnny, shhh, it's alright" cooed the woman, putting his head over her shoulder, rocking the spooked boy back and forth.

John was so fragile like this; his longish hair was always soaked in sweat from his fever; even his hospital gown was plastered to his chest and back; he was always shivering, the movements causing pain in his delicate body.

His skin had turned a concernedly pale shade; it wasn't the classic fair skin some people had; it was so white it looked ghostly and sick.

Mimi tucked him against her body, efficiently swaddling him with the heavy duvet.  
Almost like a newborn needy of comfort, he snuggled his head on her shoulder, curling like a cat inside his cocon.

"Mewl"

The woman, startled by the sound, looked at John, finding him fast asleep. She then almost slapped herself as she looked up, seeing Elvis the cat poke from his little basket.

Mimi giggled; Paul had sneaked in the kitten before going to work, only winking at John before kissing him and fleeing out of the room to go to work.

John had been enthusiastic at seeing his beloved cat after so long; Linda and the head nurse, but also Dr. Shepherd, had agreed for him to keep the little animal with him, as long as it wasn't causing any trouble.

The woman lost herself by rocking John back and forth, sometimes cooing and leaning down to nuzzle her face into his soft hair.

Soon, John would have to go through another physiotherapy session and she was very worried, because John's condition hadn't improved one bit from last time.

Slowly, she let herself fall asleep.

Pain was surging throughout his legs. From the tips of his toes and up through his legs, making his whole body quiver.

John could barely see, his vision blurred terribly by a mixture of pain and tears.

He could barely register the voices around him, telling to breathe and take a step.

Someone dabbed his sweat soaked forehead and side of the head with a towel. Someone was holding his legs.

He shouted when the trembling limb was pulled and then pulled back, into a walking motion.

He could barely register his own voice pleading for them to stop, that it hurt too much.

He wanted rest, he wanted to curl up and make all the pain go away.

They finally set him free and he would have fallen if someone hadn't caught him.

He looked up through the black spots dancing in his eyes, seeing Paul's handsome face appear in his messed up line of vision.

"It's enough for today, you're getting better" said a female voice in the background, but John was too lost into his pain and fatigue to understand who it was.

Paul lifted him up, carrying him to the bed and carefully laying him on top of a plastic sheet.

"You had a little accident, sweetie, it's not a big deal, innit?" 

John's breath was coming out in harsh puffs and he was crying again; Mimi sat next to him, grabbing Elvis in her arms and lowering him enough for the frightened boy to pet him, the cat not complaining or rebelling even once.

Paul quickly cleaned him up, careful to not hurt him any further. His whole private areas were very sensitive now because of the full time diapering.

He was also having more troubles recognising the needs of his body, often emptying his bladder or bowels during physical therapy, which was completely normal, according to the doctor.

As he rubbed the rashes cream on his bottom and inner thighs, he thought how they looked littered with his bites and purple signs.

'No' he quickly shook his head; he couldn't get aroused there, while changing his lover.

John obviously wasn't ready to have any physical contact, not yet at least.

Paul really loved him, so he was willing to wait for however long the other one needed.

"Here, all better" he whispered.

John was already dozing off. Silently, to not spoil his sleep, Paul leaned down to kiss him goodnight.

It had become a habit of theirs; they would wait John was asleep and cozy, high on pain medication and in no need of assistance.

They would then sneak out on the roof to have a smoke and a chat together.

It was refreshing, thought Paul, having someone to talk to.

He also knew Mimi needed someone to open up with. She had been on her own with John for at least 10 years, but Paul didn't know if her husband was a supportive one.

A lot of fathers of special needs children weren't so keen to help their wives out.

Mimi was opening up to him and he was more than willing to listen; she was also a good listener and wise suggester when he talked about his late mother and how his father had taken a liking for the bottle after her death -which had been luckily resolved in not even a couple of years.

"I won't hate you if you go" 

Paul whipped around to look at the other one.

Mimi was sitting with her legs up her chest, elbow resting on one of them as she lazily smoked. 

"What do you mean?"  
"I know it's hard, being John's lover. It was difficult before, even more now"

"Mimi, I don't want to live John" Paul was so confused and even a bit hurt by thinking Mimi thought he was going to leave him.

A deep sigh, "I know, you're a good person and you're in love. But I know how difficult love can be"

"Mimi...did George, your husband…"  
"Left because of John? No, never" she turned around to look at him in the eyes. Just like John, if Mimi had something to say she wanted the undivided attention of the listener.

"George loved John as his own all his life, long before we actually adopted him" she shrugged, "He didn't even hate Julia for what she did. George had many flaws, but hating or hurting wasn't something he was able to" 

She chuckled and Paul saw a smile growing on her lips, probably viewing a better past, where she was still with her husband and her nephew was healthier.

"You know...George was a gentle man. I used to call him my big hearted teddy bear. He was twice my height and seize, he could easily lift me up" she chuckled again, "He was the first and only love of my life, the man I wanted a family with for so long"

"Then…" Paul didn't know if it was something he could ask; feeling a sudden courage, he asked, "Then, y'know, why didn't you have any biological child?"

Mimi's look was now sad, yet somehow still happy, "Three"

"What?" asked terribly confused the man. 

"Three babies. I've got pregnant three times and I've miscarried three times...the last time I didn't even notice I was pregnant until it was too late and I was bleeding on the bathroom floor" she shuddered, "I pleaded George to just let me go and find a woman who could give him a child... yet he stayed. He stayed throughout all the pain" she let out a breathless laugh.

Paul reached over and Mimi let him grab her hand.

"He would have liked you, y'know? Because you never gave up on John and you love him"

Paul hugged her a little, "I want John and you to meet my father and brother. When John's good enough, obviously"

Mimi nodded, smiling gently at the younger man, "Yeah, it's possible"

The two smiled, before getting up, dusting off their clothes, stubbing out their cigarettes and walking back down.

When they entered the bedroom, they decided to pull the two cots against the hospital bed.

Holding John close, with Elvis too snuggled next to them, they both fell asleep, feeling lighter than before.

Sure, they still had a long journey ahead of them with John, but they were a family and like all families they were ready to fight together.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

Paul was amazed by the sight of his boyfriend finally standing on his own.

He was shaking, legs weak and he was struggling to take steps; but he was standing!

He was heavily holding onto some crutches which were wrapped around his elbows and forearms.

John was crying, hair wet with sweat and his breath was harsh; Mimi was behind him, holding a hand against his back.

"Johnny, good, good, take a step. Yes, small steps" she was softly whispering, looking at him.

Paul's eyes lowered to the boy's legs, seeing him take small shaky steps. 

The click click clicking sound of the crutches resounded through the room, before Paul heard a loud hiccup.

He looked as John's face contorted in pain and his knees buckled. His weak arms weren't strong enough to hold him, so he would have fallen if it wasn't for Mimi.

She lifted him back onto his feet, cooing as John started crying. It saddened Paul so much, hearing John cry like that, almost like a small child.

Mimi quickly lifted him up, cradling him quietly, while one hand was massaging the trembling, tight muscles in a circle motion.

"Good, we've seen some improvements!" said happily Dr. Shepherd, before going away with the physiotherapist.

"John love, you've done so good" whispered Paul, sitting on the side of the bed and grabbing the boy's cold hand. John's eyes opened a little, tears still trapped into his long lashes. He shook his head a little, but Paul nodded, "You did"

John sniffled a little more, cuddling himself into the bedsheets, hugging Elvis in his arms. He was used to his routine now, not even embarrassed too much when he needed to be cleaned up whenever he was doing physical therapy.

According not only by the physiotherapist, but also by Mimi and Dr. Shepherd, movement was extremely useful to help bowel movements.

Mimi changed him in a matter of seconds, cooing and praising him for how good he was at walking.

John was slipping into unconsciousness again, it was a big big physical effort on his weak and struggling body.

Mimi checked that the IV's were still in the right place, checking that John was comfortable.

"He's improving, isn't he?" Paul was so emotional at the moment. He sat down onto the bed again, hand curling into his soft curls. 

Mimi's smile was warm and soft, "He is. Though, Paul...he won't be completely alright" she said softly.

The man nodded, "The doctor had said he might need crutches forever. But it's not a problem, really"

"He's lucky to have met you, y'know?"

"Well, I'm lucky to have met him too. He taught me a lot of things. He taught me how to be strong" Paul's voice was soft as he kept stroking his head.

Yeah, John wasn't going to be completely alright. But he wasn't alone.

"Sweetie, wake up. It's time for supper"

John's eyes opened slowly, lashes still stuck together. He blinked a few times, feeling his eyelids grow heavy again.

His limbs were hurting a lot and his stomach was pulsing angrily. His head felt thousands of bricks heavy, brain pulsing.

He groaned weakly, mouth opening a little, drool bursting out from his chapped lips. He coughed, body spasming and chest burning as he tried to clear his lungs.

He was quickly sat upwards by someone and hard slaps were given to his back. He cried out in pain, feeling like his whole body was destroying itself.

"Calm down, sweetie," Paul was rubbing his stomach, tying a napkin around his neck.

John confusedly looked around, still gasping for air, eyes still watery. "See, everything is fine. Open up, love, you have to eat a little if you want to get strong again"

Paul's voice was incredibly soft and gentle, like a father talking to a spooked child.

Automatically, John opened his mouth, letting Paul give him the tasteless soup.

Even swallowing hurt terribly, feeling like hundreds of needles were perforating his throat.

"Open up" John's eyes fell close, neck feeling incredibly weak and his head was thrown back, almost strong enough to snap his neck.

"No, sweetie, don't do that" Mimi's head was now at the back of his head, holding him up as Paul kept spoon feeding him.

John's fever had spiked again, according to how much heat was coming from him.

All the activity he had done had tired him out. 

He had so much physical therapy still to do. He was still sick and weak.

"No, be careful, don't choke him" scolded the woman and Paul blushed, noticing he had tilted the spoon too quickly.

"Johnny, we're almost over" he reassured the younger man, grabbing his chin to steady his head.

John hummed a little, swallowing and grimacing as the soup difficulty made its course down his throat.

"Here, all done. Good boy" praised Paul, knowing John would feel way better by knowing he wasn't only a burden.

Swaddled into the sheets, he shyly smiled at Paul, raising his thin arms from under the covers.

He was feeling better because the soup had got a bit of nutriment into his belly.

Paul laid in bed next to John, admiring his boyfriend.

John was beautiful; his face, though more gaunt, was still a bit chubby. In the paleness, freckles were popping out on his skin.

His lashes were still thick and weren't now wet with tears. He was gripping tightly Paul's shirt, pushing him against his own chest.

"I miss you"

Paul smiled, kissing his forehead, "I'm here"

"No, I mean, I miss you like a boyfriend" he whispered with a small blush.

'Oh' Paul's eyes widened, face reddening. He was right, they didn't have any intercourse since before his health's aggravation.

"But sweetie...you're way too weak...I don't want to hurt you" he said quickly, eyes still wide.

John blushed even more, looking down, "I...I know, but...I thought you'd like it…" he admitted shyly.

He then shook his head slightly, "We don't have to do anything if you don't want…"

"Sweetie…" whispered Paul, lifting his head so he could kiss his lips, making him sigh through his nose.

"Please, Paulie, I want to feel you close...we don't have to fuck, but...but I want to feel something that isn't pain"

Paul noticed he was way more coherent than before, he looked more lucid.

Suddenly, an idea came up to his mind. He knew what to do to bring him pleasure without hurting or straining him too much.

He pecked his lips, before quickly but extremely carefully rolling him onto his other side, so his back was against his chest.

His hand sneaked down to slip under the hospital gown, gently rubbing John's bottom through the nappy.

"Alright" he breathed against his ear, making John shudder and moan, "Yeah, keep going. I want your fingers, please"

Paul smiled, burying his face into the top of his head as he untaped John's nappy with deft fingers.

His hand cupped his bottom, fingers dragging through the soft velvety skin.

Paul pulled away his hand, making John huff in protest.

As an apology, the older man kissed his head, quickly grabbing a bottle of baby lotion that was sitting on the bedside table.

John moaned loudly as a wet finger rubbed the tight puckered hole.

It has passed so much time since they've done something like this, since John had felt full down there.

Paul rubbed the finger around, dipping it teasingly but carefully, until he slowly got in till the first knuckle.

John moaned, head threw back to rest on Paul's shoulder, showing his delicate throat.

Paul leaned down to nip at it, making him shudder even more.

His dick was poking from the thin material of the gown, while Paul's was poking John.

But Paul Jr had to wait, John wasn't ready for it.

Paul was now two fingers in, gently rubbing them against his prostate, slowly milking him.

They both moaned, John's dick bursting like a tap, cum gathering over the nappy, which was still covering his front.

A tightening of the hole around his fingers, made Paul moan loudly. He was very close.

He slipped the fingers out, eyes fixed into the slightly gaping hole and on John's breathy moans. 

The younger man turned around, eyes wide and teary as his hand sneaked into Paul's sweatpants.

The man's breath hitched as a hand wrapped around his hard shaft, slightly pumping it.

He moaned, sweat dampening his hair as he let John's hand pump up and down. 

The grip wasn't that strong, but it was pleasant nevertheless. He had missed John so much he couldn't help but crave those moments.

He came hard, buckling into John's fist, before settling down, breath harsh and eyes droopy as he looked at his boyfriend.

John grinned, head going against his chest and quickly falling asleep, exhausted once again.

"I love you, never forget that" whispered the man, making him smile in his sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

They all should have seen it coming.

John's health was still on a thin line.

John wasn't magically cured.

And now, now they were back into the nightmare.

Paul and Mimi had found themselves back into the ICU; John was back in critical condition.

Paul had been woken up by a loud shrill noise; 

In his sleep filled brain, he hadn't noticed what it was, until he felt jerks coming from the body next to him.

It was then that he saw John's body spasming and uncontrollably moving. The shrill noise was coming from the heart monitor, which was showing crazy lines.

Paul jumped off of the bed just in time for a équipe of nurses and doctors coming into the room, followed by Mimi.

So the two had to stay in the sitting room full of worry, until Dr. Shepherd had told them John wasn't in any immediate danger.

"The pressure is steady" 

Paul and Mimi were permitted to enter the hospital room; they were standing at the feet of the bed, looking at the sleeping man.

John was pale, too pale. The little weight he had managed to put on in the last week or so was showing in his cheeks, his cheeks that were flushed red from the stubborn fever that didn't want to go away no matter what.

Paul's eyes fell onto Mimi's hand that was resting next to his. 

He posed his hand onto the other's trembling one, hoping to comfort her through the small but affectionate touch.

"He's a fighter. He will fight till the end" whispered the boy and Mimi just nodded almost imperceptible.

"So, doctor" Mimi spun around to watch the other woman, who was standing near the head of the bed, checking the monitor.

"We increase the intake of fluids, antibiotics and antiepileptics. We're gonna monitor him for the night…" said the woman with a smile.

Paul and Mimi sat down on the chairs next to the bed; Paul sighed, sitting down after pacing around; Mimi took out her knitting things, starting carefully knitting a scarf.

Paul leaned over, posing his head onto her shoulder, eyes fixed on John's pale face.

He grabbed his limp hand, feeling upset at the coldness.

The night couldn't pass any slower.

Both Mimi and Paul tried to sleep, without any results; it was a constant coming and going of nurses and doctors.

At some point, Paul had slipped in bed with John, careful to not spook him or upset any machinery he was hooked on.

He held him gently in his arms, soothing him whenever he was awake.

"Shhhh, shhhh, c'mon love, you have to swallow" cooed Paul gently, holding up a glass full of water.

The doctor had recommended to make him drink orally and even eat soft foods in order to keep his body from shut completely down.

John tried to break free from Paul's grip, but the man was holding him against his chest tightly; he didn't want John to hurt himself by moving too much.

John let his body go lax against Paul's, mouth falling open as he looked up at Paul with puppy eyes.

The older man smiled gently, tilting the glass and making water trickle down his throat.

John wasn't happy with it, trying to move away and making water trickle down the corner of his lip.

Paul sighed, "You did good, Johnny. Now pose down your head, try to sleep some more" whispered the dark haired man, posing the glass on the bedside table.

His arm found itself under his head and the other around his waist. He started rocking him back and forth, singing under his breath, making John open his eyes just for a second before snuggling back into his boyfriend's arms.

Paul smiled down at him; he loved him so much he would do anything to him, even taking care of him like he was a baby forever.

He leaned down the bed, still carefully balancing him in his arms as he slowly let himself fall asleep.

The day after, they were surprised but relieved about seeing him more coherent than the night before.

He was sitting up in bed, cuddling his stuffed puppy in his arms as he talked with Mimi.

Paul had left to go home and take a shower and some spare clothes before going to work, leaving aunt and nephew by themselves.

"Oh, nurse Smith, you could have waited for us" said a cheerful brunette, smiling gently at the two.

Mimi was helping John eat, steadily holding his hand, but letting him feed himself.

Most of the soft omelette was smeared over John's chin as he tried to take some bites, but he didn't look upset.

At some point, John started shaking his head, muttering soft 'no's, so Mimi had to put down the spoon, if she didn't want omelette flying everywhere.

"Okay, sweetie, you did good, you ate almost everything," said Mimi gently, making John whine and fuss as she wiped clean his mouth and hands.

In some ways, it was like feeding a little kid; more than happy to dirt everything instead than eating.

But Mimi also knew John wasn't that reasonable when sick or hurt, so she didn't expect much collaboration from him, especially into eating.

It almost looked like he was in pain even by simply swallowing.

He was often spitting up phlegm and spit, fleebily complaining his throat hurt.

Before he could complain or start to fuss, he was quieted down by a new wave of painkillers, then Mimi made him drink at least half a glass of orange juice.

"Oh darling, good morning"

They both turned towards the door, looking at Paul, who entered holding a giant light brown teddy bear.

John's eyes widened at the sight, before he settled back into the pillows with a content sigh and big smile.

"I got you this" Paul said, almost as if it wasn't already understood the teddy was now belonging to Paul.

The older man leaned down, pressing a kiss onto his forehead, before leaning down to kiss his lips.

He made a goofy expression when he straightened again, "You have funky breath, let's wash your teeth" he exclaimed cheerily.

John giggled, but let Paul pull him up into a sitting position, pillows behind his back so he could sit without feeling too much pain.

Gently, and after putting the paper napkin around his neck to not let anything fall onto his gown, Paul started rubbing the minty paste over his teeth, careful to brush each one of them meticulously.

When he was done, he made him drink some water from a plastic cup, before making him spit the excess amount of toothpaste and water into said cup.

"Let's taste if they're good washed" quickly, Paul leaned down again, claiming John's lips again, making the other smile against his mouth.

"Yeah, definitely better" he said with a wink, making John swat his arm playfully.

He then proceeded to wash his face and brush his hair, being extra careful of each knot and especially to not move his delicate head too much.

Throughout all, John kept his eyes closed, pleasant hums leaving his lips.

He was definitely better than the night before, but he was still in danger of a relapse.

Together, Mimi and Paul shaved the light stubble that had managed to grow over his cheeks and chin, secretly grateful for John's natural lack of body hair.

It was light and it took a long time to grow, which Paul kind of envied, since he had to shave every two days in order to be completely hairs-free, while John had to shave once or twice a week.

After finishing up with his hygiene, Paul had to leave for work.

It saddened him to a great end having to leave John for almost all morning, but he knew he was in great hands.

Soon, they were going to start again with their therapy activities, as soon as John was mentally ready, since he was asleep most of the time and spent the rest of the day in a confusional state.

The man leaned down, kissing him deeply and caressing his smooth cheek, making him smile and coo slightly.

He then hugged Mimi, wishing them a great day.

While he walked to the car park whistling a happy tune, he lifted his head to look at the sky.

Everything was going to be alright.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

Snow had started falling, the soft whiteness blanketing everything.

Three figures were walking the slightly snowed cobble stone's street.

Mimi, John and Paul were ready to spend their first Christmas all together, along with Paul's father, Jim, and younger brother, Mike.

They were now walking to Jim's house, Paul giving John a piggy back ride, since the younger man didn't want to be seen on a wheelchair or with a walker on the first meeting with his boyfriend's family.

Paul knocked on the door, having put John down next to his aunt.

The man was now strong enough to stand if aided, so he was standing with a bit of help from Mimi.

He was very nervous.

What if Jim didn't like him? What if he thought he wasn't good enough for his son since he needed a lot of help?

Paul had reassured him that Jim was quite excited about meeting him; Paul had obviously called beforehand to let him know about John's condition.

The door opened, Jim McCartney opening it with a smile.

He was a man in his late 50s, with a balding head and crows feet around the corners of his eyes.

He smiled, hugging his son warmly, "Hello, Paul"

Paul smiled back, unlatching himself from the hug, "Hello, dad"

He gestured towards his boyfriend and aunt, who were standing slightly behind, watching the interaction with a smile.

"Dad, these are John, my boyfriend, and his aunt, Mary. John, Mary, this is my father, Jim" 

They shook hands, "It's a pleasure to be finally able to meet you, Paul had talked a lot about you two" Jim's smile was warm as he looked at John, gesturing for them to enter.

They all entered, before Mike McCartney, along with his wife, walked towards them and greeted them.

After the greetings and the happy Christmas, they all walked to the kitchen.

Jim had prepared a rather big traditional dish for Christmas. John's eyes widened a little at the sight of the huge amount of food Jim put in his plate.

He didn't want to look like a prick and not eat everything, but the thought of swallowing so much was already making his throat hurt.

Paul understood what was bothering John, so he grabbed his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Dad, I think you gave us a bit too much to eat," he said, looking at his dad.

John appreciated that Paul said 'us' and not only John, it made him feel less like a jerk.

Jim's eyes widened, "Oh God, I forgot you've been to the hospital, I don't want you to feel sick! Here" he grabbed the plate, scraping off a bit of food so there was only half the amount.

John thanked him with a smile and Paul leaned down to kiss the side of his head, "Yeah, but he's feeling a lot better"

"Oh, really? Well, that's great!" Jim genuinely looked happy to hear about John's well being, so Mimi too was feeling more at ease.

They kept talking about everything, John growing more comfortable when he saw Jim wasn't an arsehole to him or his aunt.

He didn't even comment on the fact Paul had to cut John's beef and how his hand was quite shaky.

No one even acknowledged John needing help the only time he had excused himself to go to the restroom, Paul immediately leaving with him.

Mimi had found not being feeling embarrassed and in need of explaining what was wrong with John;

Jim, Mike and Angela - Mike's wife- weren't noisy at all.

After dinner, they all moved to the sitting room, John and Paul sitting at the piano under the others' pleiades.

"C'mon, Paulie, you can perfectly play!" had whined Mike, looking at his brother with annoying puppy eyes.

It took little time to convince him, especially when John pleaded with him to play too.

"C'mon, play with me, love"   
Paul helped John to the piano, holding his hand tightly. 

John was moving rather shakily, still pretty weak and feeling a bit queasy because of the largest meal he had since before he was recovered.

Mimi could see he wasn't still feeling at the top, but as long as he didn't show any sign of his fever returning, she wasn't completely concerned yet.

John worriedly looked at Paul, biting his lip. He hadn't played the piano in a very long time and usually the only viewers were Mimi, occasionally Cynthia and Stuart and once or twice Paul.

And now, his fine motor skills were even worse than before.

"It's alright, sweetie, I know you can do it" Paul was gentle as he posed his left hand on the keys, starting pressing them into a slow melody.

John gulped, his hand shakily posed onto the keys. With a sigh, he started playing too, his hand hesitant and slightly shaky, but no one commented on it.

Slowly, Love Me Tender by the great Elvis Presley resounded throughout the small room, everyone watching lovingly the two playing boys, the stolen glances full of love and soft smiles playing on their lips.

John leaned over, pressing a kiss onto Paul's cheek, while the older man turned around, nuzzling his nose into the soft skin.

John grinned and the two finally kissed on the lips, making everyone around them coo loudly.

The two separated themselves, grinning with blushes adorning their cheeks as their intertwined hands and turned around to face their clapping relatives.

Mike and Angela were now kissing under the mistletoe, while John and Paul were now cuddled on the sofa together, lost into their little world.

Paul was whispering to the other one, gently stroking his hair, John giggling and blushing, the two stealing kisses from each other.

Mimi and Jim were watching amused the interaction, drinking their coke and scotch.

"Guess we're the only singles of the family now" joked Jim. Mimi laughed, "Yeah, we are. My little boy is all grown up now" she laughed slightly drunk.

It was probably one of the first times she could let herself go; that she knew John was looked after.

After her husband's death, she had celebrated Christmas somberly, usually only with John.

There were a few times throughout the years where they would celebrate along with their family; but it was usually tense, as no one in the family still hadn't forgiven Julia and wasn't too keen on John.

So for the longest time, there were only John and Mimi against the world.

But now, Paul was there too. And Jim, the humble man had insisted on being a true gentleman, much to Mimi's amusement.

Now, watching John sleepily cuddle into an equally sleepy Paul's arms as the fire crackled into the fireplace, she finally found peace again.

Her and John weren't alone anymore.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> Enjoy!

Paul wrapped a warm woollen blanket around his boyfriend's body and his own.

It wasn't that cold outside, it was for the pure comfort of feeling like at home.

Like they weren't still at the hospital.

After their little outing to Jim's house, they had to return to the hospital and John had been sad about it.

So Mimi and Paul tried to make as cosy as possible the bedroom.

Mimi was sitting on the chair, massaging her feet and complaining about her shoes.

She definitely had more wine than usual, but who were John and Paul to interrupt her fun?

Plus, Mimi was still pretty much sober, she was just a little tipsy, but was of great entertainment.

Paul cuddled John to his side, rocking slightly back and forth the sleepy boy.

It had been a wonderful evening, Jim, Mike and Angela were wonderful people to be around; John felt very much welcomed.

But they couldn't deny the fact that John was still pretty much sick; they couldn't change the future. Medicines weren't strong enough yet, a cure wasn't invented yet.

John was going to grow weaker and more helpless with time.

He would need help even doing simple things and activities.

The doctor was sad to say he would probably never gonna grow old.

So Paul wanted to live in the moment, wanted to soak up every single moment.

He grabbed a wrapped up package, delicately posing it on John's covered legs.

John's legs had started hurting badly again, so much they had to increase the painkillers, so now he was feeling loopy and disconnected from reality.

But before falling into a medicine induced sleep, he wanted to give his loved ones his gifts.

He had asked Cynthia to go pick things up with him the day before, the girl more than happy to take him around, Mimi also trusting John to go with the slightly older girl.

John smiled, trembling hands grabbing the colourful bow, slowly starting to undone it.

Holding his breath, he ripped away the paper, holding his breath as his heart started beating faster.

He looked up at Paul with big wet eyes when he saw what was inside the box.

The leather cover of a photo album. John passed his fingers on it, before opening it.

Pictures of John and Paul together appeared throughout the pages.

John's smile grew as he flipped the pages, smiling at his and Paul's happy faces smiling back at him.

The book stopped a little after the middle and on a blank page, Paul's careful handwriting appeared:

'For the love of my life: this is for keeping all of our memories'

He turned around, feeling close to crying as he threw his arms around Paul's neck, kissing him sweetly and deeply.

It was a promise, a promise he was going to do all it took to feel at least a little better and to spend as many days with Paul as possible.

He turned around at the other gift on the bed, the one being from Mimi.

He opened it with curious eyes, gasping at the present.

"Thank you, auntie! I love it!" he lifted his arms, letting Mimi hug him gently, kissing his forehead softly.

Mimi had gifted him a nice hat; John smiled, putting it on top of his head and smiling brightly.

"You're handsome" said Paul, leaning down to straight it and John grinned even more.

Then Mimi and Paul opened their presents, thanking John for the great gifts.

Mimi had got a beautiful necklace choker, something she had wanted for a long time. She immediately put it on, smiling brightly.

Paul had got a new tie, something he wanted to buy for a long time.

After opening their presents, John pressed himself into Paul's side, "Sleep cuddled to me, Paulie?" he asked softly.

The man smiled, nodding and hugging John tightly with a smile, rocking back and forth and softly shushing him.

John cooed, babishly nuzzling his head under his chin.

He was feeling safe and loved like a baby, protected by his lover's arms, like a pretty girl.

He felt loved.

His body was feeling warm and wet, but cold at the same time.

His mouth was dry, not even a little bit of spit coating it.

His hands, arms and legs tingle uncomfortably, pins and needles making them hurt uncomfortably.

He whimpered, eyes opening. His sight was blurry and his hearing was distorted.

"Johnny, breath"

A voice kept calling him. He couldn't understand who was calling him.

"John, sweetie…"

In his extremely blurry sight, the figure of a woman appeared in his eyes.

'Mum?'

A snarl curled her lips, her hand lifted.

Suddenly, pain surged throughout his whole body. Julia just smiled, passing a hand over John's body.

John screamed, he had never experienced such a pain before.

Julia's hand was leaving burn tracks all over his body, making him thrash around, still screaming.

His whole body jerked, Julia slowly disappeared as his eyesight grew blurrier and blurrier, until he wasn't seeing anything but black.

Panic got added to his already panicked brain, 'have I lost my sight or I simply closed my eyes?' 

He couldn't open his eyes anymore, he was feeling too weak.

He let himself drift off, pain making even breathing unbearable.

"No, sweetie, you've improved so much, you can't do such back steps"   
Paul and Mimi were patiently waiting for the doctor to act and calm him down.

The nurse looked up after having pumped sedative into his IVs. John's eyes, which were wide open, slowly started to close, his breath coming out more regularly.

"Sweetie" whispered Mimi, stroking his head and John sluggishly looked at her, eyes extremely glassy.

"It's alright, we're here" she looked at the doctor, "Is it safe if I pick him up?" she asked. She didn't want to get in the way of any procedure, but she wanted to give John some comfort. She knew the best way was to hold him close.

"Yeah, go ahead. Be careful, though" smiled the doctor.

It always warmed her heart at seeing Mimi be so lovely, so protective over the boy.

She watched as Mimi picked him off of the bed with incredible care, holding him against her body.

Paul quickly walked towards them, hurriedly pushing the covers around his body, efficiently swaddling him into his aunt's arms.

Together, they cooed and shushed him, keeping him calm as the painkillers made their way through his emaciated body.

"Auntie...Julia...Julia…" he whimpered, body shuddering, a bit of drool coming from the corner of his lip.

Mimi gently dabbed it with a corner of the sheet, "Julia? Why are you naming her?" Paul's voice was soft, knowing Julia was a touchy subject not only for John, but for Mimi too.

His big almond shaped eyes moved onto him, "She...She hurt me...her hand...her hand was touching me...and hurting me" his voice had gone down to a whisper, unconsciousness pulling him in again.

It was just a nightmare, thank goodness. It wasn't a fainting spell, it wasn't a sudden, sneaky attack of epilepsy.

It was just a nightmare.

Mimi and Paul knew it was provoked by the fact John's brain connections weren't completely normal; sometimes, he was hearing and seeing things that weren't real. Sometimes he was having scary nightmares, which were aggravating the pressure.

Paul put cold compresses over his forehead, feeling the heat. 

He was a bit warm, but he was greatly monitored.

Mimi kept cooing at him, slowly lulling him to sleep, until John opened his mouth, "Paul...sing me the song…" he whispered.

Paul furrowed his brows as a soft smile blossomed on Mimi's lips at the mention of Paul's golden voice.

"Which one, love?" he got a bit closer to the edge of the chair, so he was looking at John better.

John smiled softly, "The one about the dream…"

Paul nodded, clearing his throat.

'When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom. Let it be" 

John smiled, cuddling back into his aunt's arms. Somehow, Mimi loved that song, even if she knew the Mary nominated in the song wasn't her, but Paul's mother.

'And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be'

Paul's voice was oh so soft, his eyes taking a nostalgic trip into the past.

'Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be'

'And when the broken-hearted people living in the world agree. There will be an answer, let it be'

Paul thought about all the people who had lost someone over the years while writing this song.

'For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see. There will be an answer, let it be'

He thought of Mimi, her secret plan of killing herself to join George, her first and only love.  
He thought of his father, destroyed by the death of the woman who was the love of his life.

'Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be'

'Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.  
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be.  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be'

He was surprised when the woman decided to join in on the chorus. Her voice was sweet, yet heavy with sadness.

'And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shines on 'till tomorrow, let it be'

Paul crooned the rest of the song, one hand reaching over to grab John's hand. The young man had fallen asleep, perfectly fitting into Mimi's arms, like he was made to be there.

'I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be'

He whispered at the end of the song, feeling tears appear in his eyes.

With a shuddering breath, he looked at Mimi, who sadly smiled back at him.

'Yeah, just let it be'


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the nice comments on the previous chapter!  
> This is the last chapter, the next one will be the epilogue.  
> Enjoy!

John was finally allowed out of the hospital.

He was feeling quite emotional about it. He was feeling so proud of himself.

Shakily, he stepped foot out of his aunt's car, Paul standing up after him, keeping a firm hand on the small of his back to steady him.

John carefully posed the crutches down onto the pavement, biting his lips slightly. He was very nervous.

"C'mon, let me help you, love" Mimi was quick to help him up, handling him with the most utter carefulness, almost like he was going to break.

Paul held him from behind, whispering soft words of encouragement into his ear.

He was still high on painkillers and antibiotics, his fever wasn't completely gone, but had simply lowered.

Nevertheless, doctors deemed him good enough to go back home.

He smiled uncertainly; he was already feeling weak.

"I can't do it" he muttered a little, eyes saddening immediately.

Suddenly, he shrieked as Paul lifted him up into his strong arms, "It's alright, you're still weak" he reassured, kissing his lips and nuzzling his nose.

John smiled, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

"You're still quite sick, love" Mimi was gently caressing his back as Paul sat him down onto the sofa.

John still had troubles holding himself into a sitting position and his whole body hurt way too much.

It was late in the afternoon, so Paul climbed onto the sofa with John.

He grabbed the boy, rolling him on top of him and rubbing his back.

Painkillers were still something John was very dependent on, just like he was still dependent on Paul and Mimi.

"Johnny, it's alright, pose your little head on my chest and close your eyes" Paul was whispering into his ear, making him sniffle a little.

The medicines were making him more emotional, more close to breakdown. His mental health was a bit better, John was more content, but still, a lot of remorse and guilt filling him.

Paul had turned himself into his full time caretaker; so did Mimi.

They were so gentle and caring to him, taking care of him like he was made of glass.

And he was, everything could hurt him.

"Oh dear, your fever is going up again" worriedly said Paul, kissing his forehead, hugging him as tightly as he could without hurting him.

John was once again bordering unconsciousness, fever glazed eyes slowly falling shut as he nuzzled into his boyfriend's chest.

"Paul"

He turned around to look at Mimi, who had sat herself onto the nearby armchair, posing two cups of tea onto the small coffee table.

She smiled gently, motherly, "Thanks Paul. You're a great man. John is happier with you, I never saw him so happy. Even if it's difficult, I'm so glad you're here" 

Paul felt emotional by the woman's display of affection, especially when she leaned over to hug him tightly, before they both smiled down to watch John's peaceful face.

"Let's put him to bed"

Paul felt peaceful. Reading a book in a comfy bed, hugging to his body his loved one.

John was asleep, half on top of him, his body heat very welcomed by Paul.

The auburn haired boy cooed in his sleep, lashes fluttering open slowly, "Good afternoon, luv" he whispered, voice croaking slightly.

Paul smiled, leaning down to kiss him straight on the lips. John hummed in appreciation, almost purring like a cat.

"How did you sleep? Do you feel better?" asked Paul, as gentle and reassuring as always.

John nodded a little, "Head hurts not so much than usual, I don't feel too cold, but my tummy hurts badly" he accompanied every sentence with a flick of his fingers on Paul's head, who batted away his hand.

The man laughed, leaning up to kiss Paul again, before shifting fully on top of him, "Paulie, I want cuddles" he whined a little, cutely pouting into the fabric of the other's shirt.

Paul only laughed, wrapping his arms against John's torso, letting him cuddle to his body again.

They stayed peacefully embraced, John sleepy once again, Paul drawing circles with his fingertips onto his back.

"Boys"

Paul looked up while John twisted around a little to look at Mimi, who had just appeared in the doorway, "Boys, I'm going to the city centre to do some shopping. Do you want to come with me or you prefer to relax?"

"Come with you" exclaimed the two, looking at each other grinning.

It was like they had a mental connection, knowing what the other wanted.

"Alright, change quickly, we're going to leave soon" she said, going away.

The two quickly started getting ready, John holding onto Paul's shoulders as he stepped into his trousers, fighting to put them on.

"God, you can easily see I'm wearing a nappy" he murmured, watching himself into the full length mirror.

He had struggled to push the skinny jeans past his hips, but the larger pair he owned didn't fit him anymore since he had lost quite a lot of weight in the month he had been at the hospital.

It was clear what he was wearing, but he was also standing there wearing just a short t-shirt.

"Here" soft fabric ruffled John's hair and caressed his warm skin and John's eyes opened again, looking back at the mirror.

Paul had put an oversized sweater, one that was long enough to come down past his bottom, efficiently covering his nappy bulge.

Paul's eyes met his in the mirror reflection, the dark haired boy hugging him from behind, a soft kiss being placed on the side of his head, "You're beautiful, you know?"

John smiled, face growing red, "You're beautiful too, Paulie. I love you so much"

He turned around, burying himself into his boyfriend's arms, letting himself be kissed and snuggled, until they parted ways with a reassuring kiss.

"Now let's go, we can't make Mimi wait for us all day"

The trip to the city had been hilarious.

Paul found out Mimi was as much as a rocker than him and John, singing at the top of her lungs Elvis's songs while she drove.

John, dressed up with a knitted scarf, a woollen hat and some mittens, along with a warm jacket, was laughing and having the time of his life cuddled into Paul's arms.

Paul himself was having so much fun, especially when he and John were going around by themselves, with the promise of meeting back up with Mimi in front of a store.

"Paul, look!"

The man turned around from the window shop he was looking into, to see his boyfriend's enthusiastic face.

He was pointing to a small photo booth standing right in front of the shop they were standing outside of.

"Can we take some photos? Please? To put on the album?" pleaded John, giving Paul his best puppy eyes.

Paul laughed, John didn't need any puppy eyes to convince him to take photos of the two of them together.

"C'mon let's go" he said, grabbing John's hand and speed walking him to the booth, John having a bit of difficulty following him because of the crutches.

They entered, Paul sitting on the small bench and pushing John down on his lap, making him shriek; after the needed money was put in, the machine started snapping the four pics.

"Awww, we're so cute in this pic" John was glowing in joy, showing the strip of paper right in Paul's face.

It was extremely adorable, according to Paul, how John kept his never ending enthusiasm and almost childish curiosity even after all the pain he had been through and still was in.

"You're the cute one" cooed Paul, kissing his head as his eyes scanned the pics.

One was of them hugging each other smiling, the second was of them cuddling each other sweetly and the third was of them kissing softly.

They were truly beautiful.

By the time they had joined Mimi again, John was very tired.

His evening fever was returning and John had let himself fall asleep in the car, using Paul as a pillow to sleep against, mouth slightly agape.

The dark haired boy was silently grateful when Mimi asked him to stay for dinner; he just wanted to snuggle and cuddle his boyfriend, without having to go to his cold lonely house.

Martha was with George, who had been Paul's dog-sitter for the entirety of John's hospital stay, since Paul wasn't often home.

As he helped Mimi lay the table, he couldn't help but think of a house with John, the two of them living happily ever after together.

The thought made his stomach warm up.

Even when John got fussy after eating almost the whole bowl, he could only scoop him into his lap, cradling him quietly and praising him until he was happy and smiley again.

"Why does it hurt so much?"

Loud cries were the only thing that could be heard from the little house on 251 Menlove Avenue.

Paul panicked as the love of his life melted into a puddle of tears and harsh whimpers.

The afternoon had been a pleasant distraction not only for John to forget his pain, but also for Mimi and Paul from seeing the boy they cared so much for being in such pain.

But now, late into the night, they were knocked back to reality.

It had started with John's head sending lots of pain again, making him feel dizzy and nauseous.

He had thrown up two times already from the strong pain, so Mimi had to give him two doses of a strong painkiller orally.

It was going to be common, had said Dr. Shepherd, his brain was very delicate. He needed plenty of rest and medicines.

The quality of life, though, had increased more and more thanks to the therapies and the doctor was positive he was going to live a pretty much normal life, with some help and accommodation.

Paul couldn't help but cuddle him to distract him from the pain.

"Paulie...Paulie I need your cock, it's been long" had whispered the boy shortly after having dinner.

Paul had to admit, he had missed this. Being so intimate with John, calling him his boy and praising him as he impaled him onto his shaft.

He had carried him upstairs and into their now shared bedroom, lowering delicately John on the bed, undressing him with the carefulness you would use on a delicate gift.

John was beautiful and had made the most beautiful sounds when Paul had worked him open with his skilled fingers, taking his time to get him ready.

He had eaten him out like he liked, John had even blown him, even if Paul had to crawl to the top of bed, basically fucking his face.

Afterwards, they had made soft slow love, both very emotional of being intimate after such a long time.

They were going to enjoy every single time they could spend together.

But now, Paul's heart ached seeing his boyfriend in so much pain all over again.

His face was red with fever, his eyes teary. He was lamenting and wiggling around, but he was surely calming down because of the painkillers pushed into his body.

Paul got Mimi's okay to climb back in bed, pulling John back on top of him.

He felt natural, sleeping with John's body on top of him, his hand protectively wrapped around his delicate body and his nose buried into those luscious auburn locks.

Mimi had tucked them in, her maternal instinct passing to both of them now, before muttering a hurried goodbye and walking out, turning on John's nighttime light.

"Are you alright now, darling? Has the painkillers made an effect?" Paul rubbed his back, making him look up.

"Yeah...but my belly hurts" he blushed slightly, looking away.

"Do you need to throw up again?" Paul rolled him off of himself, leaning over to grab a bucket, something to catch his vomit.

"N-No" whispered the other one; Paul opened his mouth to investigate further, only to close it immediately as John broke wind loudly.

"Oh, sweetie, let's go to the bathroom", but John only shook his head, blush deepening even more, "I'm afraid it's a bit too late…"

He curled up further, eyes screwed shut, but gasped as he felt Paul hug him close to his chest.

"It's alright, John. You're still weak, you're wearing a nappy, there's nothing to be ashamed of" Paul leaned down, pressing their foreheads together, cuddling him tightly.

He shushed and comforted him throughout it all, not stopping until John's groans had stopped.

"Let's get you cleaned up" whispered Paul, untangling himself from the hug, making John whine at the loss of warmth.

His eyes were once again full of tears as his boyfriend untaped the nappy, showing off the large mess he had done.

John was burning in embarrassment, eyes wide and teary as he whimpered, wiggling around a little as Paul cleaned him up quickly but efficiently.

"Do you still want a life like this?"

Paul had slipped back into bed and John couldn't help but notice how good he looks, with his mussed black hair and big droopy puppy eyes.

"A life like what?"

"Like this" John made a gesture to show all the pills, all the things that had got added since his release.

"I still don't get it"

John sighed exasperated, "Like a caretaker, Paul. Don't you want a normal boyfriend and a normal life?"

Paul's eyes softened even more if possible, gathering John into his arms, nuzzling him close, "No, sweetie. I love my life and I love having you in it. I won't change anything if it means spending as much time possible here with you" he started playing with the other's hair, making him giggle slightly at the tickling feeling.

"I love you, John Winston Lennon. I don't care if I have to take care of you, okay? I'll gladly do it"

John was feeling so emotional, he leaned over to kiss him deeply.

"I love you too, Paul. So much. I'm gonna love you forever"

Reassured, the two boyfriends cuddled together again, the moon light filtering from the window lulling them both to sleep.


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm at the ending of this. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I'm glad for the people who followed me and commented on it or even just gave me their love by simply reading it.  
> Thanks with all my heart.  
> Without anymore wait, here's the epilogue.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Scotland was truly beautiful.  
The farm they lived in was beautiful.  
The love of his life was beautiful.

Paul thought of himself as the luckiest man in the whole world.

Warm sun was shining through the thin curtains, showering the room in golden light; showering Paul's beautiful husband in said light.

Husband. John had really become his husband.

They had married there in Scotland the spring before, in a little chapel near the farm they had recently bought and had recently gone to live in.

It had been the best day of their lives, filled with love and affection not only by John and Paul for each other, but also from their families and friends.

Paul couldn't help but remember the emotion of seeing John walk down the aisle accompanied by Ringo.

How beautiful and radiant he had looked, dressed in a white suit and even a small veil attached to his luscious auburn hair, which he had grown slightly on occasion.

Oh how much Paul was happy to have John by his side even to this day.

Sure, they had their ups and downs, especially whenever Paul was wandering down the path of John's health; so many times he had reduced John to tears.

It wasn't a voluntary thing, obviously; he was just panicked whenever John was pushing himself too hard into things.

In the two years following the scary, dark period of their lives, when John was in critical conditions at the hospital, a lot of things had happened.

They decided to move out from Mimi's house and buy a nice place for the two of them; it had been difficult, a very pondered idea, but of one thing they were certain: John needed as much calmness and peace he could get.

It was actually Linda giving them the idea of a nice little farm deep into the countryside of Scotland, a nice calm place with lots of outside space for them to enjoy.

After some months full of thoughts they decided to finally buy it, and in just a couple of weeks, they've fully moved in, with the help of their friends.

Mimi had been teary, leaving the boy she had raised finally go and live by himself, but she trusted Paul almost as she trusted herself. She knew John was truly happy with Paul, and after the man hadn't left John for all the complications his illness had brought, she knew he loved the younger man just as much.

And here was Paul now, cuddled to a sleeping John into their bed, in their quiet little house.

They weren't alone; with them lived Martha, Paul's big sheepdog, who loved John as much as her owner; along with 4 tabby cats: Mimi, Thisbe, Pyramus and Elvis.

Yes, Elvis had followed them to Scotland, just like Martha.

To Mimi, though, to not let her succumb to loneliness by the fact John and Elvis weren't around as much anymore, John had gifted her a nice gray kitten, which Mimi had affectionately called John Jr.

Paul was snapped out of his pleasant memories by a rustle of the sheets, followed by the weight on top of him moving, groaning.

"Good morning, my sweet flower" Paul smiled down at the man in his arms, being met by the most dazzling smile he could ever imagine.

"Good morning" whispered John, leaning up to kiss his husband on the lips, cupping his cheek with his left hand.

The sun hit his wedding ring, the golden band reflecting, almost like a remember.

Parted the kiss, Paul smiled down at him; he knew that all John needed at the moment was a cuddle and he was going to be happy all day long.

They stayed cuddled in bed some more, Paul playing with John's rebellious bedhead, while the younger was tracing circles on Paul's naked chest.

"You need to get changed, c'mon" whispered the dark haired man, rolling John off of himself, getting up too.

The auburn haired man groaned, rubbing his eyes to wipe away the residual sleepiness and pouting at Paul from under long eyelashes, "No, come back to bed! I want cuddles!" 

Paul chuckled, already ready for his complaints, but quickly setting down to work, cleaning him up and changing him into a clean nappy and comfy sweatpants.

Sometimes, the man thought of how unusual his relationship must look to an outsider. He knew normally people didn't have to take care of their partners like that, without counting old couples.

But his life was like that, had been like that for a long time before becoming his husband.

And truth be told, Paul wouldn't change anything if it meant spending every single second with John.

Sure, a normal life was surely better for the both of them, but Paul was grateful to still have John.

Sometimes, the words of the doctor, that gloomy day back in Liverpool of almost three years before were resounding gloomily into his head.

If they hadn't acted so soon to try and slow down the deterioration of John's brain, he would have died.

And instead, he was there.

It wasn't easy, Paul wouldn't lie; it hurt seeing John slowly losing strength and control of his body.

It was sad seeing John become more helpless.

Even if he was bound to get worse with the passing of time, Paul wasn't going to leave him. Never. He was the love of his life, he wouldn't even dream of leaving him.

They were going to go through everything together. Be 5 years or 20.

He helped John on his feet, holding him while the other one got his crutches.

"Thanks love" he said, leaning over to press a kiss on his cheek, carefully strapping the crutches around his elbows and forearms.

Gently, Paul kissed his forehead as he handed him his morning pills, John putting two into his mouth and swallowing them down with a gulp of water.

Carefully, he began to make his way downstairs, careful to not miss any step or losing balance.

Paul was walking behind him, something John actually needed, needed to feel the reassuring presence, knowing he wouldn't fall and crack his head open on the hardwood floor because his husband was there ready to catch him.

In some ways, he was his guardian angel.

That was one of the parts of his life: not being fully independent.

John had learned how to navigate through tasks even with his slowly lessening muscular strength. 

He had even learnt how to get in and out of the bathtub unassisted. Paul was proud of him.

Two years ago, John was helplessly bedridden, so weak he couldn't properly eat on his own.

Now, he was strong enough to do things for himself, even if Paul was still a very much needed presence in his life.

He even learnt how to cook simple meals, even if he didn't really like doing it.

Sometimes he would bake something, just like the day before.

Not being able to work, and being home alone almost all morning since Paul worked at a nearby clinic, he had a lot of spare time in his hands, so he would cook.

Arriving at the kitchen, Paul busied himself into preparing some tea, while John fed the cats and Martha.

As soon as he was sitting down onto a kitchen chair, Mimi the cat jumped onto his lap, purring contently as he scratched behind her ear.

It was such a domestic scene Paul couldn't help but smile behind his cup of tea, making John playfully scoff, "Going soft on me, innit?"

"Because you're beautiful, John" Paul was still as lovesick as the first day, watching his husband with heart eyes.

John blushed, muttering something resembling 'don't be a git' under his breath, making the other laugh.

Relaxing into a full bathtub was one of the things John loved the most.

Water helped him sooth his aching body and get rid sooner of his terrible headaches.

When they got everything to furnish the house, they made sure to get a tub big enough to comfortably fit the both of them together.

They loved it; John's warm skin was so pleasant against Paul's, plus the older man loved to play with his hair.

John, loyal to his almost childish curiosity and love, loved to play with the foam, making beards and mustaches for the both of them.

"Paul" 

Paul hummed to make John understand he had acknowledged him.

"Do you remember when I was very sick at the hospital and you promised me we would bath together someday?" John turned around to look him into the eyes.

Paul nodded, he remembered everything of those terrible moments.

"Well, now we're doing it and I couldn't be more happy" he leaned over, kissing him.

Paul couldn't help but melt into the kiss, bringing John even closer.

"I fucking love you, John Winston Lennon"  
"And I love you, James Paul McCartney"

It wasn't going to be easy. Life was full of difficulties and pain.

But one thing was certain: as long as John had Paul and Paul had John, everything was going to be just fine, be it a year or 20.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, leave a comment and a kudo :)


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